In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
At first, I wanted to wait to have sex with him. But after spending ten days either with him or talking to him all day, not to mention increasingly intense fooling around, we ended up sleeping together. It was amazing, and our earlier chemistry was intensified. However, after the conversation where we made things official, I think he’s having a fairly typical guy commitment-phobe freakout. He doesn’t think we should have sex for the next two months while he’s away, even though he will be coming home a couple times, so that he can make sure that he is really ready for this relationship without his decision being clouded by sex. He says he has no doubt that I am the right person, but he needs to figure out if he is ready for a relationship, because he wasn’t really looking for one when we first met. I know that I should be flattered by this, but part of me thinks that if he really wanted to be with me, he wouldn’t be wondering whether or not he’s ready for a relationship.
Our connection does have a really serious vibe to it, though, and I know a huge problem with his last girlfriend (of four years) was that she wanted to get married. We are pretty young, and I’m not interested in getting married any time soon, which he knows.
Is this normal? Should I be happy because he is taking the time to commit himself fully to me, rather than impulsively rushing into something? Or should I be wary of his newfound desire for celibacy and caution, aware that this might be his way of getting out of things before they go further? — Confused and Newly Horny