In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
A couple months before we started dating, though, he ended a long relationship (like 6 years) because his ex cheated on him. He said he had a rough patch after their breakup but had gotten himself together again and felt over it.
After we’d dated two months, I asked how he felt about making it “official” but he said he wasn’t quite ready yet. I was a little hurt but understood (it took me a very long time to get over my ex). The next day, I was grocery shopping and met a guy who asked for my number and I gave it to him. After a bit of texting, I was upfront with him and told him that I had recently started dating someone and although we weren’t exclusive — which is why I gave him number initially — it just wasn’t sitting right with me to potentially go out with someone else right now. I said I’d hang on to his number, though, and maybe our paths would cross again someday. He thanked me for my honesty and wished me well.
Since then, S and I have continued spending lots of time together, have met each other’s families, and gotten very close, but he still feels like he’s not ready to be “in a relationship.” He said it just seems too heavy for him right now and he doesn’t think he could provide what he’d need to, although he didn’t specify what that meant.
Some friends say I should move on but it’s hard to fault someone who has been so great, just for wanting to take it slow. Others say I should just enjoy the moment and not worry so much about the titles and see how things go. But I admit, I’ve been feeling a little antsy with things not really moving forward, and have considered texting grocery store guy. I have no clue if this dude would even want to talk to me (it HAS been like two months after all) but a part of me regrets not taking the opportunity to date around. If S were ready to make it official, I wouldn’t be thinking about dating anyone else but since he’s not, it makes me wonder if I should explore other things, even though I think it’d hurt S’s feelings if I did. Any input would be appreciated! — Feeling Antsy
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.