In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
His friends seem to forget that life has changed a bit for us, and I feel like I’m in a frat environment 24/7. I deal with derogatory comments about other women when we’re out, and I have a pretty big tolerance for dirty comments. Two of them lived with us in between their leases for what was supposed to be “a few weeks” and that turned into a 3 1/2 month stay, with them pitching in absolutely nothing, not even for groceries. All of the household bills skyrocketed, and all of a sudden my husband mentioned that *my* spending should tighten up until they moved out. Well, I flipped out, and he agreed to talk to his friends about pitching in, but he then waited a week to say anything. When he finally did talk to them, his one friend mentioned that my husband “has a great job, so he’s definitely not hurting for it” and brushed him off.
We always end up picking up the majority of the tab when we go out, put up with their needling when one or both of us doesn’t want to get “smashed” on a Tuesday night, and take care of their out-of-town friends when they ditch them for some random chick without warning. I’m starting to feel like their parents, and I’m really resenting my husband for all of this. We fight constantly, and it always has something to do with his friends. In the six years we have been together, we have never fought this often. It’s important to me that he has friends, especially ones that he was so close with for so long, but I feel like he’s in a different place in life than they are and that, by catering to their needs all the time, it’s really hurting our marriage. I’m not sure what to do at this point. — Over His Friends
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.