My boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me about six weeks ago. It was mutual, but only because I knew he didn’t want to be in it anymore and, if he didn’t want to be, I didn’t either. It was pretty amicable — no one got angry or shouted — and I was actually almost relieved at the time (things had been going downhill for a while and I was getting tired of feeling insecure about his love for me all the time). That state lasted about a week. Okay, almost a week. Okay, three days. For a month after that, I was depressed and sad most of the time. I didn’t want to do anything. Now, in the last two weeks, I’ve started to want to hang out with friends and read, and do enjoyable things. Even though I’m pulling myself out of it (gradually), I still love him (he was my first love) and I know that, if it were up to me, we wouldn’t have broken up.
The biggest problem right now is seeing him. Every time I do, my chest HURTS and there’s pain. Actual physical pain. Lots of it. And I can’t breathe. This wouldn’t be a big deal if I didn’t have to see him. But we’re in high school and we go to the same school. It’s pretty small, we have similar friend groups, and we’re both in music, which means we see each other all the time. I’m graduating in two months and we’re going to different schools next year. But I need to hold out and stay sane until then. My question is HOW? — Heartbroken