In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter — with a question that’s arguably the most common one I’m asked — without commentary from me:
However, every time I bring up getting engaged he gets annoyed and upset with me. He says that I talk about it too much and that by doing so I’m going to ruin it if he does propose. “You keep talking about it and then if I do ask it will seem like I’m only asking because of your nagging. Even if I’ve planned it months in advance,” he says. He did get me a promise ring for Christmas last year but with all this waiting, my self-esteem is suffering. It makes me feel like he’s waiting for something better or that I’m not what he really wants. We’ve lived together for three years and share finances so I am slightly scared to leave for fear I may not be able to live off what I make alone. I love him deeply but I don’t want to wait another five years to find out he’s not going to ask.
I have told him several times how it makes me feel, and he tells me he’s going to marry me but I need to stop talking about it. He also likes to remind that that his parents didn’t get married until he was 9. I haven’t said anything for six months, and still: nothing. It’s gotten so bad that I think about saying “No” if he asks just so he can feel the embarrassment and hurt he’s putting me through. I am getting bitter and I’m worried he’s leading me on because of what I did to him at 18. I’m emotionally exhausted and extremely confused. How much longer should I wait for a proposal before I tell him its over? — Sad in Miami