Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Your Turn: “I Don’t Keep in Touch with my College Friends”

In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:

Is there something wrong with me that I don’t keep in touch with college friends? I graduated from college two years ago and moved to a new city for work. For the first year, I tried to stay in touch. I called my friends on the phone and traveled to see them, but I felt us drifting apart and now have not talked to anyone from college in months. Sometimes I feel like I was meant to have been born in another time period – I don’t like Facebook, online chatting, or texting. If I care about someone, I call them on the phone or make plans to see them. And if I don’t see or speak to someone for a long time, I stop thinking about them. None of my college friends ever called me or came to visit, and so I didn’t feel bad that I stopped trying.

I am very close with my family and I have really good girl friends in my new city that I hang out with all the time, so I am happy; I’ve never felt lonely here. But I just went on Facebook the other day and saw photos from the wedding of a girl in my sorority. I wasn’t surprised that I wasn’t invited because she and I were not close, but I was surprised that I hadn’t even heard about it until now as the wedding was in November and all of my close college girl friends were there. I saw the pictures of all of them together and it felt weird. I wasn’t sad that I wasn’t there, but I was more concerned that I didn’t feel sad — like maybe something was abnormal with me that all of them have kept in touch and are still close and I’m not.

Part of the reason that I don’t feel the need to keep in touch with these girls is because of the drama that happened during my junior year. I was president of my sorority that year, and it was the worst time in my life. Nearly all of my sorority sisters turned on me, talked behind my back, and stopped being my friends. I became very depressed, gained a lot of weight, stopped going to class, and isolated myself. During my senior year, I got into therapy and Weight Watchers, and I got my grades back on track. While my friends never apologized for the way they treated me, I decided to forgive them and did have a very fun last semester before graduating in December. But now that college is over, I don’t want to try with these girls anymore.

It’s not just college though – I had stopped keeping in touch with my high school friends by the end of my sophomore year in college, by college I had stopped keeping in touch with my childhood friends after having moved when I was 15, and I was never good at keeping in touch with camp friends after the summer ended. Is that normal? To only be very close with my family and a handful of nearby girl friends and to let past friendships fall away? — Bad At Keeping In Touch

48 comments… add one
  • avatar

    kerrycontrary March 28, 2012, 9:09 am

    I don’t think it’s weird at all! There is nothing wrong with wanting to focus on the people that are currently in your life and that you see most often. When I went from high-school to college I barely kept in touch with my high-school friends, even though a lot of us went to the same school (very large school). I wanted to start a new life with new people, which is what you did when you moved. While it is nice to have some life-long friends, maybe you just didn’t meet those women in high-school or college. Don’t feel guilty about not wanting to keep in touch with a group of friends that once treated you poorly. While it’s great you could forgive them, you have no obligation to keep them in your life. As long as you have a strong social circle, which you do with your family and friends, I see nothing abnormal or wrong about how you choose your friends.

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  • avatar

    GatorGirl March 28, 2012, 9:12 am

    There is nothing wrong with you. If you are happy and fostering positive relationships then who cares how long you’ve known a person and how long you keep in touch with them? Do what makes you happy! It sounds like the girls from college did not make you happy or healthy- so why should you be friends with them.

    And, for what its worth, I have one childhood friend, one high school friend, and one college friend- all of whom I contact 2 or 3 times a year. That’s my friend circle. Otherwise I am perfectly happy being friend with people who are near by (it makes doing things easier) and being close with my family.

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  • Budj

    Budj March 28, 2012, 9:13 am

    LW – I do the same thing. You change as you age and so do your friends; high school and earlier friends fall victim to this. I would say that the main reason you don’t keep in touch with your college friends is because they were bad friends… I see my college friends a 2-3 times a year (at best) and we have very good foundation for friendship. I spend more time with my newer and geographically closer friends post college.

    The point is I don’t think you are weird. Sounds pretty normal to me.

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  • FireStar

    FireStar March 28, 2012, 9:15 am

    I’m not sure I understand what the problem is? Are you asking if it is normal to drift apart from people you don’t see or talk to anymore, don’t particularly miss, and who didn’t treat you all that well when you were around them? Then… yes.

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  • avatar

    ReginaRey March 28, 2012, 9:16 am

    I don’t think anything about this is strange, but maybe that’s because I’ve done the same thing!

    You sound kind of like an introvert — someone who really only needs a few close friendships to be content. And if that makes you satisfied; and if the people from college aren’t trying to keep up with you, either, then there’s nothing wrong with the way you’re operating right now.

    I’d hazard a guess that the reason it’s often particularly difficult to keep up with people after high school and after college is because all of us are still changing. I, too, graduated two years ago and really only keep up with a handful of close friends from college. Some people, even girls who I was really close to, I don’t talk to anymore. And I find more often than not, it’s because we have less and less in common as time goes by.

    High school and college are times when we’re still figuring out who we are — what we’re interested in, what we spend our time doing, what we want to dedicate our careers to, what kind of relationships are important to us, etc. Friendships come and go during that time because none of us are really “fully formed” yet; we’re still becoming the people we’re going to be, and it’s natural that our connections will fade as we evolve.

    I think you’ll likely end up keeping in touch with some of these friends you’ve made in your new city, as an adult. And if you try to keep in touch with them as the years go by, and you find that they don’t put in the same effort, well then maybe those connections aren’t exactly worth having, anyway. Friendship is a two-way street.

    And one last thing — It doesn’t sound like you’re missing out on much with these old sorority sisters from college. Frankly, they sound like a bunch of selfish, backstabbing gossips…and you’re likely better off for having drifted away from them.

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  • Heather

    Heather March 28, 2012, 9:25 am

    Aw hey, I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. You’re doing what makes you happy.

    The truth of the matter is, if individuals truly want to stay close friends, they will find a way to make it happen. That goes for anything, but for this context, we’ll talk about friendships. I’m still in college, and am still close with a couple of girlfriends from high school, but it helps that they go to my college as well. I have friends who I was very close to in high school, and we just don’t talk that much anymore. And it goes both ways-they don’t make an effort to talk to me, and I don’t make an effort to talk to them. It’s because I am so busy and focusing on what I have here that truthfully those friendships aren’t a priority. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. People grow up, people move on. As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters.

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  • Will.i.am

    Will.i.am March 28, 2012, 9:27 am

    Nothing out of the ordinary. For me, I don’t really talk to anyone from high school, even the one’s that still live in the same town as me. As we grow up, we are constantly meeting new people with the possibility of making new friends. I have 4 or 5 really close friends that I met between the age of 18 – 25. Outside of that, everyone else is just kind of acquantances.

    Just remember, people grow apart and when you move, you tend to make new friends that are in your “backyard.”

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  • avatar

    musiclover85 March 28, 2012, 9:29 am

    I stopped talking to my college friends after they threw a hissy fit that they weren’t invited to my 26th birthday party. Seriously. They didn’t live that far away, but it was a housewarming/b-day celebration at my new apartment and I literally only invited friends that I had known since first grade. I didn’t have room for anyone else in my apartment. And although I had plans to invite them over at another time, I was an asshole for it. I decided right then that I was done with the drama.

    I always think I’m terrible about keeping in touch with people because of experiences like that. But somehow I always manage to keep in touch with the people who are worth it, the ones that I really care about. I hate maintaining friendships for the sake of being able to say “These are my high school friends and these are my college friends…” When it comes down to it, they were great friendships while they lasted but they don’t have to last forever. For me, I’m closest with people that I have known since I was 6. For others, they are closest with people who they have only met over the past few years. It’s different for everyone. I think the more important thing is that you have friendships. You haven’t completely closed yourself off to meeting new people and you have your own group outside of your family that you can turn to. I think you’re perfectly fine.

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  • avatar

    sarolabelle March 28, 2012, 10:09 am

    You’re fine. I don’t know anyone from college anymore….

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  • avatar

    Jessibel March 28, 2012, 10:13 am

    I feel like this is completely normal, and if it’s not, I’m weird too. I have two friends I keep in touch with from childhood, and a handful of girls from college. The other ones just sometimes aren’t worth it.

    There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with not wanting to stay in touch with the girls that caused drama in your life and were hurtful. One of the best things about being an adult is that you’re not stuck with people anymore (except maybe coworkers). In elementary school, if your friends were crappy, it was very hard to make new friends because there were only a limited amount of people in your class. Same goes with Middle School, High School and on some levels, especially if you’re in a sorority, college. In the adult world, if you have a crappy friend, you just stop hanging out with them and focus on hanging out with the ones that make you feel good and are good to you. Life keeps going, the world keeps spinning, and you move on. If you’re happy, that’s all that matters! 🙂

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  • avatar

    EricaSwagger March 28, 2012, 9:24 am

    I don’t actually have any really close girl friends. I have a couple from college that I could text, one whose wedding I’ll be invited to… I have a small group of high school friends, but since we all went to college, we’re not as close as we were in high school. I have one friend I see a couple times a month. But still, I don’t think any of these people would travel to see me if I were to move a few hours away. And I wouldn’t either. It’s totally normal.

    It’s just easier to make friends where you are, and if you don’t feel bad about not keeping in touch, then there isn’t a problem. You’ve got friends, you’ve got family, you’re happy. Whatever feels right for you is normal. So relax and just be.

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  • bagge72

    bagge72 March 28, 2012, 10:28 am

    I don’t think any of this is strange either, I acutally had the same situation, but with my highschool friends. I just drifted apart from them, and haven’t hung out with any of them in years, but my college friends are the only people I consider my good friends now. You just eventually move on as you grow up, and things change, and there is never anything wrong with that, and please don’t ever let people make you think that.

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  • Kate B.

    Kate B March 28, 2012, 10:32 am

    I don’t talk to any of the people I knew in high school or college. You outgrow them and you find other people who are a better fit. That’s life. Besides, the way you describe these people, why would you want them in your life now? I think you were lucky to get away from them. Focus on your new friendships and you’ll be fine. (By the way, I don’t like Facebook, chatting or texting, either. I prefer more direct, personal communication.)

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  • CatsMeow

    CatsMeow March 28, 2012, 10:35 am

    I just realized I’m the opposite. My only friends are those I met in high school or BEFORE.

    I take that back. I made some good friends in Vegas. We’ve kept in touch for the most part, but I can picture us drifting apart more as the years go on.

    I think I need to learn how to make new friends!

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    • CatsMeow

      CatsMeow March 28, 2012, 10:36 am

      Oops. Sorry to be all “me, me, me”. LW, I think as long as you’re happy, then there’s nothing to worry about. And kudos to you for being able to establish good friendships in your new city!

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      • avatar

        Christy March 29, 2012, 3:47 am

        No I think it’s important for readers to see that the other perspective exists, otherwise they might feel weird. I was gonna post this at the end, but I’ll add it here.

        After HS, I made an effort to stay friends with 4 girls. I am currently bff with 2 and occasionally in touch with the other 2.

        After college, I tried to stay in touch with my closest friends from there. I’ve visited my best guy friend in Florida twice LIES five times (incl when he was closer for the summer) (2010 graduate), one of my female friends probably 5 times in NYC, and then my old campus 8 times (have a friend working there, plus some younger friends). Plus I have one close friend who lives in my city, and we hang out monthly, probably.

        Now that grad school’s over, I really only see people when I make a definite effort or we meet in groups.

        So it works the other way, too. I don’t think either is really weird. And I never had drama like what you’re describing, thank goodness, LW. I’ve really moved on from my non-close friendships from these life phases.

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    • avatar

      MsMisery March 28, 2012, 1:22 pm

      I’m the same. I have a few good friends from 20 years ago and a few good friends from work (that are more recently acquired) and not very much in between. Then again, I went to college online so I never met a soul in real life.

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  • rainbow

    rainbow March 28, 2012, 10:40 am

    I agree that there’s nothing wrong with you too (or maybe there’s something wrong with all of us?). I haven’t kept in touch with anybody from high school or Uni either. Only now that I am 27 I find there’s a bunch of people with whom I’m interested in staying in touch, and I do visit them, write, and do my best to be at their birthday parties and stuff, which is totally new for me since I used to run by “out of state, out of mind”. But what they have in common is they were all chosen by me freely, I was never forced to spend time with any of them (no coworkers or classmates).

    That’s the big difference I think. It’s really easy to be friendly to someone you HAVE to spend time with, and it’s easy to mistake that for a real friendship. But it’s not. And you figure that out by the time someone’s suddenly out of your life and you can’t seem to gather enough interest in them to even like their status. And the best thing you can do is not give yourself a hard time over it, and use that energy to meet new people, or do things by yourself. Keeping in touch will come naturally when you find someone who’s worth it.

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    • avatar

      ReginaRey March 28, 2012, 12:38 pm

      I totally agree with your distinction between actual friends…and people you’re friendly with but are still required to spend time with, like coworkers. I know people whose only friends are coworkers, and it strikes me as a bit odd. First of all, I don’t get how you can spend that much time with someone — work and after hours, too — and not get a bit tired of them! And secondly, when you move on you often figure out that you all were more friends of convenience than actual friends. I’ve seen more than a few people leave jobs where they had tons of “friends,” only to never hear from most of them again.

      I really don’t have any work friends…mostly because everyone here is either a generation older or married with kids (both completely out of my demographic)…but I kind of like it that way.

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      • avatar

        quixoticbeatnik March 28, 2012, 12:48 pm

        Actually, some of my closest friends were my old coworkers. We all got along so well and I still make an effort to keep in touch with them and see them as much as I can. But I don’t work with them anymore, so it’s not like I see them all the time. I actually wish I could see them more often.

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  • Fabelle

    Fabelle March 28, 2012, 10:42 am

    I am the same way as you, LW (and apparently many others). I’ve felt weird about it at times, but I think it’s healthy to grow as a person, make new friends, and find that you don’t actually have very much in common with the people with whom you used to hang out.

    I feel as if the prevalance of social media has made it harder to cut ties. Everyone wants to always stay in touch, you feel like you should be “catching up” with somebody who just announced their engagement, or wish them a happy birthday & ask what their plans are even though you haven’t hung out in months.

    Some people are genuine about it, but to me, it seems kind of forced and unnecessary (especially if the friendships have faded, or if they were never that strong in the first place) Don’t feel bad for not trying to stay in touch– if you have a close family and local girls in the area that you can call friends, then you’re better off in my opinion.

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    • Budj

      Budj March 28, 2012, 10:48 am

      I totally agree with your second paragraph. A lot of things that I would have found out 5 years from now through the grapevine / class reunions I am instantly aware of on facebook and there is a weird obligation with it. I feel like facebook fosters fake friendships (say that 10 times fast).

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  • avatar

    ele4phant March 28, 2012, 11:29 am

    I am the same. As I move onto the next phase in my life, I lose touch with most of the people from the phase before. There are just a few people from college I still keep in touch with.

    As long as you are surrounded by people you love, aren’t lonely, and don’t miss certain people there’s no reason to feel compelled to maintain friendships you had when you were 20.

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  • avatar

    jaybro March 28, 2012, 11:58 am

    Like everyone else has been saying, you are normal. Everybody changes and moves on, and friendships evolve.

    My senior year, I lost my group of friends because of some big drama between me and two others, and the group “chose” the other two, and our friendships kinda fell apart. Even though some of them didn’t do anything wrong, things had changed.

    What I’m saying here is that, in my experience, when there is a big event like you experienced with your sorority sisters, it can be really hard to get the friendship back to where it used to be. Especially because they never asked for forgiveness. The lack of effort there on their part on repairing your relationship is just bad news, and I see no reason why you’d want to be friends with them.

    I say just forget about ’em, make new friends, have your new life. And if you honestly don’t care about them (other than creeping to see how much more AWESOME you are!), there’s always the option of de-friending. A good FB cleanse of people you aren’t really friends with is always a good thing. 😉

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  • avatar

    Leah March 28, 2012, 12:25 pm

    Moving on might not be typical for these particular groups of friends, but it’s certainly not weird for people in general! It sounds like you want friends who can relate to the person that you are now and it makes sense that that doesn’t include people you met at a sorority, high school or younger. The thing about growing up from childhood to adulthood and all the many stages in between is that you change A LOT, VERY QUICKLY! It makes sense that you’d have trouble relating to the people who you were close to even two years ago. (And by the way, the way those sorority girls treated you when you clearly were most in need of help makes me think you’re not missing out on any spectacular friendships anyway….)

    The thing is, when you hit your mid-twenties that rapid change does start to slow down, and you’re way more likely to form friendships that will stand the test of time. Sure, people get married, have kids and move forward in their careers, all major life changes, but people’s values and personalities don’t change as rapidly as they do in childhood or when you’re establishing yourself as an adult. Personally, I really enjoy keeping up with people on facebook from earlier times of my life and it turns out the friends I had from elementary school are the ones I’m most similar to now! Who knew? But if you don’t have anyone like that that you’re missing keeping up with, and you’re happy with the people in your life now, I would just enjoy it and not worry if that makes you on oddball. I’d hazard to guess that a lot of women your age pack their wedding parties with sorority sisters not because those are really lasting friendships, but because they think that’s what they’re supposed to do or because, unlike you, they haven’t made any important friendships since college.

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  • avatar

    AndreaMarie March 28, 2012, 12:31 pm

    There is nothing wrong with you at all. I am on the outside of my circle of girlfriends from college. I too moved away to the city and with that got rid of my car. My friends would constantly plan gatherings where they live in the suburbs, no public transportation, so I became left out of alot of things because I couldn’t get there. So I slowly moved out of the cirlce. Also, they are either married or living with their college sweatheart. I have been single since college so were were on different social paths. They planned couples dinners on Saturdays and I wanted to hit the new club that opened in the LES.

    You drift apart, it happens. Your life was centered around school and people at school. Now its centered around work, and people at work, and whats going on in your day to day life.

    I try and keep in touch. Send a text here and there. Try and make plans, usually a few weeks in advance. But its not the same.

    And I am completely disconnected from my High School group. All of them stayed in our hometown or the next one over.

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  • avatar

    AKchic March 28, 2012, 12:41 pm

    It’s not weird at all. I don’t keep in touch with the majority of the people I knew in school. Don’t want to. I’ve had my name changed twice (marriages/divorces), moved a bunch of times and purposely cut of ties with plenty of them.

    These people weren’t supportive of you then, so why do you want them around you now? Because it’s what “normal people” do? Uh, no… normal people get rid of the hurtful idiots that made them miserable. These girls made you miserable and didn’t even care enough about you to apologize. They are “frenemies”, to use the popular parlance. You were smart to ditch ’em. You are getting back at them the best way possible – by suceeding and being happy without them. So don’t think about them!

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  • avatar

    GertietheDino March 28, 2012, 1:15 pm

    Are you creating friendships outside of the college, high school, adolescence? If you are, maybe you are just subconsciously seeing that you don’t have anything in common with these people any more. You do not have the shared goals of starting your life post-grad, graduating, or making the soccer team. People grow apart when they grow up. It happens, but as long as you are cultivating other friendships and not isolating yourself, I think you are fine.

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  • avatar

    cporoski March 28, 2012, 1:18 pm

    I will say this. It is one thing to lose touch with people you are friendly with but it is a little unusual to have NO old friends. I think normally people stay in touch with two or three high school friends and the same for college.

    I will say that I was in a Sorority and there were two hundred over the four years I was there. I stay in touch with a small group of 5. Since I graduated 10 years ago, I have seen maybe 15 in that time. So that seems like a big decline but you can’t stay friends with everyone. I am not saying there aren’t politics when you get a large group of women together, but I also find it hard to believe that ALL of them stabbed you in the back. If they ALL turned on you, then you must of done something rather unpopular.

    The only thing that would cause me concern if it was me is this, Can you point to any long term relationship that you have kept? If you can name one or two, it is no problem, if you can’t point to a single example, then I would look inside and see why.

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    • AnotherElle

      Laura March 28, 2012, 8:54 pm

      This was my thought, too.

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    • avatar

      J March 29, 2012, 3:13 pm

      I disagree on principle to your comment of “If they ALL turned on you, then you must of done something rather unpopular.” For one, the LW says that “nearly all” of the girls turned their back on her, indicating that there were some who stuck by her. And from personal experience I can tell you that a sorority can be a false construct of friendship.

      I was in a smallish (though national) sorority. About 50 women when I served as secretary on exec board. A small group of girls led by a bitter ringleader made our president’s life a living hell for no other reason than the ringleader was jealous that she herself hadn’t won the election and honestly, had just never liked her (the president). Our president (full disclosure, she’s my sister, as in biologically 🙂 ) did her damndest, but like the LW, she went through a hellish time, struggled with her classwork and was incredibly stressed out, this on top of experiencing some pretty scary health issues. It didn’t matter that we had a 100% retention rate, the best grades on campus, numerous awards, fun activities, etc. –this mean girl and her friends constantly and consistently went out of their way to badmouth her both in-house and to other Greeks.

      So. Both of us keep in touch with 2-3 of our former sorority sisters, but the key difference here is that they were graduated or student-teaching by the time the shitshow really got started. Neither of us keep in touch with any of the others and it’s no great loss–even those who didn’t actively torment the prez never said to the others, “Hey. I think that’s out of line. I know you don’t really care for [president] but we’re all on the same team here.”

      Bottom line. Just because people were in a sorority/fraternity together, doesn’t mean that everyone makes lasting friendships. If the LW had such a rough time, I don’t blame her one bit for letting those friendships lapse. Sometimes we outgrow entire groups of people and sometimes that’s for the best. Sometimes an organization can turn into a toxic atmosphere and I applaud the LW for choosing to forgive them and make her last semester the best it could be. And I say that dropping those peeps without a second thought is perfectly fine.

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  • christinalovesdogs

    christinalovesdogs March 28, 2012, 1:58 pm

    it seems you’re trying to make a problem here. if you dont want to be friends with people then dont. but don’t whine when you see they liked each other enough to post some wedding pictures. they’re not as important to you and it probably goes both ways. move on and focus on the present instead of the what if’s or what have you’s.

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    • avatar

      Francine March 28, 2012, 5:05 pm

      I don’t think she was necessarily whining about the wedding pics. She saw them and didn’t say she was upset about it at all, only surprised. And not even surprised that she wasn’t invited. Only surprised that she somehow hadn’t heard about it earlier. To me it sounds like she wasn’t bothered and is questioning if that’s normal.

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  • Lyra

    L March 28, 2012, 2:06 pm

    Same here. I really don’t keep up with many college friends at all. Of course, I was much closer with my high school friends and I still keep in touch with them frequently.

    The challenge with graduation from both high school and college is that you all go off on your own to live your own lives. It becomes so much harder to keep in touch especially if you live far away. Ironically, last week was a huge “catch up” week for me and a handful of my college friends. I got together with the group of girls I would always hang out with, I called my friend who was in my same major who lives 350 miles away, and I skyped with my old roommate. I was glad I was able to catch up with all of them and it was just like old times. There are some people who I thought I would for sure keep up with but I haven’t even seen them since graduation. At first I was sad, but now I realize that it just wasn’t that strong of a friendship and that’s ok.

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  • avatar

    Francine March 28, 2012, 4:58 pm

    If you’re happy it doesn’t matter if it’s normal. Don’t worry about it.

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  • avatar

    Sue Jones March 28, 2012, 7:01 pm

    I think I was the same way when I was younger. This was all before Facebook, etc and I moved a lot after college and before grad school and then I left the city I did grad school in, settled in a completely new city and never moved back to my hometown. It was easy to make friends when I was young and single and even the early years of my marriage. Then something happened. I got married and still had a lot of friends, but once I had my kid, later than all of my friends had theirs, those friends drifted away since we were really living COMPLETELY different lives. Then I had the phase of my “mommy friends” who had kids the same age and while I took time away from work. Now I am kind of in a child raising and work phase since my kid is older and I really do not socialize enough… I joined a community chorus so I would at least get out some and meet new people…AND interestingly enough, I have reconnected with old friends from my hometown and high school (and a few college friends) through the wonders of Facebook and I go back to my hometown and see them a couple of times per year. I cherish these friendships since we really share a childhood, our youth, a past. I guess I have come full circle… I just think it all changes depending upon your stage of life. Things REALLY change after children are born!

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    • avatar

      cporoski March 29, 2012, 7:10 am

      This actually is a really good point. I think your old friends mean the most to you later because they knew you on your own and not just as a wife and mom.

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  • bittergaymark

    bittergaymark March 29, 2012, 1:56 am

    I genuinely regret losing touch with many of my college friends.

    Now, in my defense, it was a heck of a lot harder to do way back when. Close your eyes, children. Now… imagine the horror! Imagine a world with no modern technology! No cellphone! No Facebook! For that matter, no email or even the internet really… All that was two, three years away… Now — with the advent of Facebook — many people have found me… It’s easy, my last name is one of a kind. And it’s been interesting… Truthfully, a bit of kick in the teeth that seemingly everybody from my past has fabulous lives and accomplished everything they ever set out to do. And then there’s me… Oh, well. At least I must make everybody else feel just great. 😉 I mean, yeah… other than the father of three that died in the small plane crash, in many ways, I have faired the worst. Oh, well. It’s been interesting and one hell of a wild ride, if nothing else.

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    • avatar

      cporoski March 29, 2012, 7:13 am

      Haven’t you heard the comparison that Facebook is online suburbia. It is these picture perfect lives. Very strategically crafted. You have no idea what is happening behind closed doors.

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      • Budj

        Budj March 29, 2012, 9:08 am

        I only post my best pictures.

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark March 29, 2012, 1:54 pm

        Yeah, but even if its the best pictures of their houses, spouses, cars, kids, and what not… they all still win just by simply having those things to take pictures of… 😉

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      • Lili

        Lili March 29, 2012, 2:03 pm

        No, You ‘win’ by not being tied down by those things an the pics you post of all your wonderful Bali Travels 😀

        Speaking of, do you have a photo site you’d be cool sharing? I really really wanna see some Bali pics!

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      • bittergaymark

        bittergaymark March 29, 2012, 3:35 pm

        I don’t as of yet. I need to look into that. For now, you can view my facebook page mark ilvedson. I’m the only one so it’s easy to find. Maybe Wendy can start a travel feature like she has been doing with everybody’s cool pads. 🙂

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    la-mer March 29, 2012, 3:27 pm

    As a fellow sorority president survivor, I don’t blame you for not keeping in touch with your sisters. It sounds like I didn’t have quite as bad of an experience as you did, but my term as president pretty miserable. The position is stressful as hell and depending on what issues the chapter is going through, it can be really rough. The politics of PanHell regulations, pressure from Nationals, girls getting brought up for drinking in letters or other infractions, maintaining your own grades while worrying about the girls who are on academic suspension, enforcing unpopular rules given to you from on high — all of that can create a firestorm of shit that creates enemies and divides cliques, and can just entirely make your life suck balls. Unfortunately, you were put into a position of power over the chapter and sometimes it backfires– especially if someone gets brought up in front of the judicial board who everyone likes. You’re the president, you have to enforce the rules. But it doesn’t make you popular. And, especially if you’re an introvert, this can be horribly, horribly hard to deal with.

    I’m not trying to turn this into a big essay on the ups and downs of being in a sorority. It sounds like you’ve come to terms with the experience. I just want to say that it’s not an uncommon experience for former sorority presidents to hate what the position has done to their relationships/friendships. I keep in touch with, oh, four girls from my medium sized sorority and that’s it. The rest, I would happily never speak to ever again. They made my life so difficult that I honestly couldn’t care less what most of them are doing right now. Every group is different and some are more difficult than others, but letting people who made you unhappy fade out of your life is not a bad thing.

    You mention that you have friends now, and that you’re close with your family. There’s nothing wrong with just having a small core group of people in your life. You’re not a hermit. You don’t have to stay in touch with every friend you’ve ever made. People move on and grow in different ways; sometimes friendships just don’t last for one reason or another. There’s no magical number of friends that someone has to have to be considered normal and happy.

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  • Portia

    Portia April 2, 2012, 9:02 am

    I think it’s totally normal. I have two childhood friends, one high school friend, one study abroad friend, and 2 college friends that I keep in touch with. My one high school friend is the opposite: I think she can’t lose touch with a single friend she’s ever had, including her exes. I think it just depends on the kind of person you are. And now that I’m in a new city, I guess it’s time to make some new friends, but I’m pretty sure that if I move, only the strongest friendships will survive, and I’m ok with that.

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    CJ June 26, 2012, 11:40 am

    BUT…what if in the future the writer would like feedback for being in the more mainstream groups? This becomes key for some when they have kids in order to find opportunities for play or enrichment if say…you have a born extroverted child who needs more contact. If parent doesn’t know how to be more savy in becoming mainstream they risk a frustrated child in the play arena…or if work really means being invited to being on volley ball because you’re fun to be around not because you’re good at it…what tweaks or changes need to be made? What held this person back before? How do they need to grow so they can always be invited to both arenas…small intimate cirlce and larger superficial ones. Is this something that can be learned and is just a charisma thing. I have a hubby who wishes he just ‘had’ the charisma to be ‘the guy’ who wants to be invited to everything but I don’t think he conducts himself to be ‘that guy’. Exactly what he needs to change I’m not sure…he’s beloved by those who love him for sure…he’s just not as beloved by the masses as he wishes.

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    Clare August 23, 2012, 9:48 am

    I went to college twice (so I got two careers). First experience I did it in another country and it was good. But I only kept somewhat in touch with one friend. At the beginning we used to call and write to each other a lot but the slowly we drifted apart to only calling each other like twice a year just to catch up or when one of us was having a hard time (we were like sisters in college, hence we supported each other through ups and downs)…. and well, we haven’t talked for over a year now LOL
    Then my second experience at another college was pretty bad and it was in my city. The reason I went to college for a second career was because I divorced and wanted a second title (while i worked part time job as well). The people were really cruel to me because I was a divorcee, not a virgin (as if any of them were! lol) and because I drove a Lexus (mind me, this was an old car, I had it even before I dated my ex husband). So with this people I dont keep in touch at all (however if I bump into them and our eyes cross I’m polite enough to say “hi”, but that’s it). I did not stayed in this college because i didn’t want to keep on dealing with those people; so I transfered to another college which was a fun experience and kept in touch with a lot of those people for two years but then we all drifted apart; i dont even remember their names lol..

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    CollegeGirl-Tunisia November 3, 2012, 2:59 pm

    When moving from highschool to college, i lost touch with my very best friend, for two years now, i’ve been completely alone, she is the greatest friend i’ve ever had, this year, i tried to socialize more, and spend more time with my college friends, but , it feels awkward, whe don’t share the same interests and it’s depressive !
    i tried to get in touch with my best friend but i guess she’s moved on, i feel pathetic for trying to reach out for her when she’s not even thinking of me.. was i even her best friend ?! , did i meant to her what she meant to me, because she was like my sister.

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