In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
I hear everyone say you just “know,” and my heart feels it but my brain has doubts. I don’t think just because I have doubts means I should MOA though. I feel like he is the one I want to share my life with. I started to compare him to other guys I know and that makes me realize he’s more suited for me than than they are. Like, how we have compatible life philosophies. We value experiences (in contrast to the friend that looks to increase his net worth). I love him because he thinks on a similar wavelength as me and is open to trying anything. We have fun together. He supports me and talks me up when I am feeling down. Are these the right reasons to love someone?
I know that no relationship is perfect. I just wonder if certain things could be more perfect. We have a different approach to dealing with family. For example, the type of relationship I have with my family is a source of stress, but his advice is to run off and do my own thing. Also, sometimes I am embarrassed by him, and these are things he does not see an issue with: He’s usually the butt of jokes around his friends for the weird things he does and I find myself trying to defend him. He lacks some manners with regards to boundaries (to be honest I could work on my manners, too). I hate him drunk. He has a temper, but I know how to deal with it. These are things I could live with, but should I have to?
I’m afraid that, if I try to find someone better, I won’t be able to. Also, those things people say when they’re with the one they love, like “he brings out the best in me” does not fit for us. I am not encouraged to be a better me when I’m with him, though I am making an effort to be. Another thing people say is “he just gets me,” but we have trouble reading each other’s non-verbal cues. It’s like we speak different body language.
Am I expecting too much? I think we work well together. Our personalities and lifestyles are compatible. I am happy with him most the time (and often could be more proactive with my own happiness). Is this how relationships work? — Unsure if I’ve Found The One
Before I turn you over to the commenters, I want to point you to this column I wrote recently about how you know when you’ve found “The One.” I think it will help you. Ok, readers, what do you have for our LW?
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.