In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
I initially ignored it thinking maybe he’s just being nice and doesn’t want to judge or be shallow, but I’ve noticed that whenever he calls a girl pretty or good looking, they’re all of a similar type: he likes sweater-wearing sorority girls. You know, formally dressed. Whereas I, on the other hand, am a tomboy with piercings. But I’m good looking. Guys think I’m hot. I think I’m above average. My friends think I’m totally out of my boyfriend’s league and he never stood a chance with me.
So I asked him recently how he could like the girls who are opposite of me. I said that I’m clearly not his type and he said, “I love you for your nature, not because of your looks.” I mean, that’s what you say to an ugly person — or someone who you love despite their being ugly. I didn’t know if I should be happy or sad. Then he said: “You’re gonna be my wife. I’ll like you no matter how you look.”
Now everything makes sense. No wonder he never compliments me — he doesn’t like the way I look! He’s not expressive, but he should at least think I’m good looking inside his head. He’s shorter than me, but he’s always seemed pretty confident despite that, which I always appreciated, but now I know he was confident next to me because he doesn’t think I’m all that great.
I’ve been getting warning signs about this relationship since beginning but now they’re getting bigger and larger in number. Am I just freaking out for nothing? — Not a Formal Sweater-Wearer
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.