New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. If you don’t find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), or submit a question for advice.
In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
From the start, he always said he was never looking for a girlfriend, but somehow I have stuck around for six years. And he’s said since the beginning that, when he got into dental school, he wouldn’t want a girlfriend. Again, I stuck around. Now we’re doing long distance, and we are wondering when I will move back in with him. He is hesitant because last year when we lived together it didn’t go too well. I was very unhappy with what I was doing for work and was, therefore, depressed for the entire time we lived together. It was straining our relationship. When we moved back to our home city for the summer, our relationship flourished. Now he’s worried that, if we move back in together, it will be a repeat of last year. Although we have discussed what went wrong last year so many times and we’ve discussed what we could do differently to avoid that, he is still worried. He also says that the place he moved into is too small for the both of us to live in together.
He says he can’t commit to marriage with me. He says he’s not looking for a life partner — he’s not ready for it. But I really think he is the one for me. And even though he said all along he didn’t want a girlfriend, he’s been with me for the last six years? So, can I change his mind on marriage, too? Or am I setting myself up for heartbreak? – Contemplating Even Longer Term
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.