In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
We talked about breaking up — at the time everyone was telling me he was too controlling and a little mean — but I was falling. We ended up taking a break after I went to college — it was his idea — and I was heart broken. We then realized we wanted each other and got back together promising this was it forever. I’ve been so sure about him until…lately.
There are little things that bug me like him hating my best girl friend. He is a little controlling. He hates the sand I love the beach. I have a very big soft spot for animals and love my adopted dog and he hates her and tells her he’s going to kill her. He tells me he’s gonna kick her across the room if she bites him. He rarely ever apologizes because his pride gets in the way a lot. He tells me to shut up and I can’t stand that. (We recently talked about that though and he’s working on it). These little things build up and make me wonder if I want to be with him forever or if there’s someone who could make me really happy.
I read somewhere that your partner is supposed to make you feel like a better person. But since I’ve started dating this guy I’ve lost many friends, don’t do anything without him, don’t text or call anyone but him or occasionally a girlfriend or family. Lately, I’ve just really been thinking how I wish I would’ve waited and stayed single for a little while after my ex to fully get over him and get back on my own two feet.
About two months ago I started dreaming about my ex almost every night. I started thinking about him more than usual and got a very strong urge to talk to him and make sure we were ok because I don’t think we really had closure. It turns out he hasn’t even kissed another girl for almost two years (since we broke up). We talked things out and admitted we missed each other. We agreed that we needed to stop talking because it wasn’t fair to anyone, especially my boyfriend (who still has no idea we talked….he’d probably kill us both if he found out). But we ended our conversation with us both wishing I had done things different.
Back to my boyfriend — he really is great and funny and I cry when I think about not being with him. His father abandoned him at a young age and I said I’d never leave him. He depends on me for a lot and he’s been there for me through a lot. But the little things build up and I don’t like him as much as I did in the beginning. It’s only been a year and a half but he wants to propose in about a year (when I get out of nursing school). I’m so confused and hurt and tired of faking being happy all the time I don’t know what to do anymore. Advice? — Caught Between the Past and the Present
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.