In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
Two weeks ago we were driving when he got a text and said he didn’t know who it was from. I got a gut feeling that something was wrong, and it turns out that he had been talking and texting a woman for months and then deleting texts. He then admitted that it was a customer at the restaurant where he works. I was unhappy because he had a “friendship” with a woman behind my back. I have plenty of guy friends I talk to, but I don’t hide my friendships, delete texts, and deny knowing who texts are from. I knew in my heart there was something more.
I called the other woman from his phone, and I asked her what kind of relationship they had. (I know some people are going to think this is not right, but I’d rather know the truth now and he clearly wasn’t going to tell me the truth). At first she pretended to not know him, but then she admitted that she knew him and that he had asked her out several times but that they were just friends now and that he has the right to have friends. To make a long story short, after days of looking me in the eye and lying, Carl admitted that he asked her out once. He says, however, that he realized it was a mistake and never asked her out again and that he let himself get carried away because she was obvious about being interested in him and it was an ego boost.
Why would a married man ask a woman out, then continue to talk to her via text and see her at his work when “it was a big mistake”? I consider this a huge betrayal. He lied to me for months — asking her out, talking to her behind my back, seeing her at work, etc. He insists that he didn’t sleep with her and promised that he would do everything he could to get my trust back. But, I don’t know if I can trust him again. Yesterday he made a comment saying, “I didn’t cheat; I lied but I never cheated.” At this point, I think that’s just semantics.
I am a neuroscience PhD student and yet right now I feel like the dumbest person alive. Am I making too big of a deal out of this? I am so angry at myself for not leaving him, and yet, when I saw him there so sad and crying, I couldn’t walk away. Am I being a fool thinking that he will be faithful to me? — Lied To