My sister and her husband would also like to move to be near me and my parents, but the problem is my husband. He is refusing to allow my sister to move into our school district because he is uncomfortable with having so much family around. He feels he would be boxed out of his own family and he feels my sister and her family would be taking over the life we’ve made here. A few notes to add: My husband had a stroke during a planned open-heart surgery this past summer (heart defect he was born with) and the after-effects of the brain injury make him extremely argumentative, angry, resentful, rigid, and sometimes downright nasty and cruel. It’s been a hellish nine months. He’s been back at work since three months post-surgery (he owns his own wealth management firm – very type A) but is obviously under a lot of pressure to “be back to normal.” He’s doing really well in his recovery but only focuses on what he’s lost. We have a roster of therapists and are doing every kind of treatment possible to help him heal. We haven’t lived near any family for over fifteen years (I had three kids in three years, which was really stressful with no family close by to help and my husband working really long hours during those years).
I am at the point where I know I need to be available to start helping with my aging parents, and I would love to have my sister nearby as well. She and I are best friends as well as business partners, and we have a dream of taking our business to a much higher level (we’re nutritional consultants and want to grow our business into a larger scale holistic practice). My husband doesn’t support our business at all. He feels he’ll be smothered by my sister and her family, that all we’ll talk about 24/7 will be our business, and that our kids won’t have their own friends because her kids will usurp ours and keep them from having their own social circles (our two oldest are in the same grade). My sister’s kids all play different sports than mine and are into different activities. My husband’s firm is a one-hour commute from home, so we don’t really see him during the week.
I’ve supported my husband through job changes, law school, moving to two different states for his work/school, and starting his own business, and I have never once told him NO. He comes from a highly toxic and dysfunctional family and so his experiences have made him not able to see the value of having family nearby. Selfishly, I feel like I’ve been supportive of his career and life decisions and now would like him to do the same for me. However, my husband has threatened to divorce me if my sister moves here, and he has threatened to send our kids to private school forty-five minutes away just to keep the cousins from attending the same schools. I don’t want my marriage to dissolve, and I just have no idea what to do.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. PS: Yes, I am seeing a therapist, and we have been seeing a marriage counselor. — Wanting My Sister Close
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at email@example.com.