In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
For example, one Friday we both left work for the day at noon to enjoy a relaxing afternoon without the kids. We had a quickie 15-minute romp which, to me, seemed like she felt that it was a necessary task that she had to get out of the way. Then she launched into directing me to clean the pool and cut the grass. I didn’t enjoy the sex because I felt like she just wanted to get it over with or that we were expected to do it because we were alone. She tells me that she likes sex and tells me what I do feels good and that she has orgasms, but I don’t know if she’s being entirely truthful. We’ve talked, and I have tried to get out of her what she wants, what she likes, but its always a general reply like: “It all feels good to me” or “I like whatever you do.”
I do a lot to take the pressure off her. I do almost all of the cooking, most of the cleaning (bathrooms, mopping floors, dishes and laundry) and we both work at good jobs that allow for flexible hours. I change diapers, give baths, feedings and read bedtime stories every night. I give her foot rubs, back massages, I take my time with foreplay, I am romantic, I bring her flowers, I write her little love notes sometimes in her lunch bag that I also pack for her every day before work. I am in better shape now than when we got married and I still find her incredibly sexy, and I tell her all the time.
I am at a loss, what more can I do to get her to really see me? — Mr. Invisible