I’m spending the morning taking Jackson to his first day of kindergarten and getting him oriented there. This LW is looking for “neutral advice” and I know you guys won’t let her down.
My family and friends do not accept him anymore. I am an over-sharer and they know very intimate details of our relationship that I wish I had kept personal. They believe he has changed me into a person who walks on egg shells and that he took away my personality. I believe them in a sense; I always felt like I would do or say something wrong. If I dropped an egg, he would lose it, or, if I baked a pie on a hot day, he would complain; if I was tired or feeling lazy and didn’t cook and he was working in the yard, I wasn’t a good woman. But, I wonder if, in reality, it’s me and everyone around me is just taking my side.
He’s a great father (he has two other children from different women), he helped me around the house–he cooked, cleaned and did all of that stuff. But, when it came down to it, I never really felt chosen by him. He has told me he wasn’t sure he loved me, and, two years ago he cheated on me and impregnated another woman (resulted in an abortion) whom he has recently contacted in order to tell her that he has always had feelings for her. But, then he comes back to me and says that that’s normal and that he needed to work those things out with her in order to move forward, and that he didn’t mean that he didn’t love me. I caught him sexting others in the beginning of our relationship, I have caught him in little white lies. He once told me I wasn’t the woman worth putting two feet in, and has told me my family and culture lacks substance.
Now, he wants us back. He seems to have had a “come to Jesus” moment and realizes he misses us, but I don’t hear any apologies and I don’t see much action. Everything from the beginning of our relationship and all of the lies/deceit is smacking me in the face, and I feel terrible because I should have gotten past that and now I am losing a family because of it. So, what is more important: trying to get through this as a family, or fighting for what I feel like I deserve which I’m not even sure is out there? Or am I asking too much? People make mistakes, so why can’t I forgive? — Worth the Fight?
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.