In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
Since moving in with my boyfriend, I had to quit my job because he wanted to support us. But I don’t really get any money at all — not enough for me — and when I try to look for a job he starts to complaining and saying things like, “Who’s going to cook for me?” I cook and clean the room we live in and do some chores around the house because his mom wants me to. Then I have two walk his dogs for him, and wash all our clothes! When I go to visit my family, which is every two weeks, I only have like five or six hours with them, and if I come home late my boyfriend gets angry. My mom is about to have another baby soon and I want to be with the baby when she gives birth. I’m going to want to be with my new sibling everyday and I know that’s not going to be possible. I miss my little brother and my two sisters so much, too.
What I also want mention is that I’m not “allowed to be myself” so to speak. I can’t put on as much of perfume as I want to because my boyfriend complains; I can’t speak Spanish with a Puerto Rican accent and not have him complain and tell me to shut up. I can’t have my family over often because he calls them animals and “project people.” I can’t watch the kind of T.V. I want to watch or take naps when I want to for as long as I want to. It’s not like I don’t let him do anything; trust me, I let him do everything except drink too much and do drugs, but the same doesn’t go for me. When I had a job I couldn’t work overtime because I was “leaving him alone for too long.” Also, he hates my dad and wants to hurt him, and I can’t let him in the house, so I have to stay outside with him when he comes over (my dad lives three hours away, so he sees me every other month).
Recently, I’ve been telling my boyfriend that I’m depressed and close to moving back home, so he’s been doing some nice things here and there and told me last night that he loves me. I’m not sexually attracted to him but still love him. The real question is: should I stay here and try to work things out even though I tried for a year already or should I move back with my family where I can be myself? — Missing my Family