Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

10 Reasons Guys Don’t Bother to Call

A recent article on Match.com offers a few potential answers to the age-old question: “Why didn’t he call?” Real-life men give a variety of reasons for not calling, including not being ready for a serious relationship, wanting to keep their options open, and *gasp* not liking the woman. After the jump, I offer ten more reasons he didn’t bother to call.


1. He met someone else he likes better.

2. He couldn’t remember your name and is too embarrassed to ask again.

3. His girlfriend’s back in town.

4. He Googled you and found your blog. Didn’t like what he read.

5. He got freaked out when you listed yourself as “In a relationship” with him on Facebook after your first date.

6. He already got what he wanted from you.

7. Scaredy Cat.

8. Found out your slept with his twin.

9. Only asked for your number in the first place because he (wrongly) thought it was the polite thing to do.

10. He sobered up.

35 comments… add one
  • SGMcG September 16, 2011, 2:06 pm

    11. He wanted to get a better command of the English language first before he called to ask you out.

    I am not joking. I gave my number about 6 years ago to this German guy that I met in NYC. He didn’t give me a call until a few months ago, after a few English courses, when I had to break it to him that I not only no longer lived anywhere near NYC anymore, but I have been married for almost 4 years. He wished me well in my marriage, and I wished him best of luck through the Immigration process.

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    • Michelle September 16, 2011, 4:51 pm

      My ex did kinda the same thing. After we broke up we still talked sometimes but not about getting back together. He changed fb to in a relationship and sent a request to me as his way of asking me back out.

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  • silver_dragon_girl September 16, 2011, 2:12 pm

    Once a guy sent me a FB relationship request without asking me about it first. It was after our 3rd or so date though. But I was dating someone else, too, so I said “no”…That was awkward.

    Sorry, that story doesn’t have much to do with this article, I just felt like sharing.

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    • SpaceySteph September 16, 2011, 2:20 pm

      Hah that is awesome. What a weird way to ask a person to be exclusive.

      But then I have sharing-on-the-internet issues (that clearly do not extend to DW)… my bf and I were exclusive for 3 months before I agreed to put it online.

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      • silver_dragon_girl September 16, 2011, 2:24 pm

        Heh, I’m paranoid about it now because it seems like whenever I do it, it’s the kiss of death for the relationship…I don’t even list my relationship status on my profile anymore.

      • 6napkinburger September 16, 2011, 2:28 pm

        Mine has been 2 years and not on FB (though I am in his pic.) Though we’re in the process of breaking up,and the question becomes: do you ever change it to single?

        (Most likely not, as it always seems a little …obvious to me, when people do that after break ups and most people don’t have a relationship status unless their married, so its not like any future suitors would be automatically confused, but its still a question)

      • 6napkinburger September 16, 2011, 2:31 pm


      • SpaceySteph September 16, 2011, 2:40 pm

        I think you change it to single when you’re over your ex (and sufficient time has passed that you don’t look reboundy and desperate) and ready to get back out there and would like everyone and their mother to know that.

      • silver_dragon_girl September 16, 2011, 2:43 pm

        I just leave mine off entirely, so it doesn’t say anything. Thus, I avoid the horrible “changing of the status to single” after a breakup, and don’t have to deal with 17 “OMG what happened?!?” messages and people “liking” that I’m now single. I plan to leave it that way until I’m engaged or married.

      • EB September 17, 2011, 2:52 am

        I feel exactly the same way. 3 years and some odd months ago when my boyfriend and I decided to date exclusively, he took down his “single” status and changed to having a non-status(like what I’ve had for the past 5 years). It was nice to not have the pressure of facebook watching our every move and the “OMG, who is your new bf?!?!<3" comments from out of state friends.
        In addition, seeing so many relationships crash and burn after they became "facebook official" has made my group of friends joke that changing your status is the k.o.d. for any relationship. So I think I'll probably skip being "engaged" and only change it if I am ever "married" for fear of jinxing it!

      • delilahgem September 18, 2011, 3:57 pm

        My boyfriend and I have been together over two years and I have never had my relationship status up. Even though we live together. I just have him in my profile pic. If we are ever engaged I think I might change it then, but still not sure. I also would be afraid of a “jinx”. He’s not on FB, doesn’t like it, so I just try not to have a lot to do with ‘us” on there.

      • Elle September 16, 2011, 2:44 pm

        I changed mine to single after I got divorced, since I didn’t exactly have a party or sent ‘I’m divorced now!’ cards to people. Also, FB doesn’t have the ‘divorced’ option. After a year of being single on FB, I took it down, since I thought it looked pathetic. I don’t know if I would change it though, if I were in a relationship. Not that many of my friends have their relationships on FB – even after years of being together.

      • 6napkinburger September 16, 2011, 2:50 pm

        I think after a divorce it is a very good decision. I just saw on my married friend’s profile that he moved to a new address, and linked a Roommate or something, which made me curious. I went to his profile, and sure enough — Single. Now I know he is divorced, and I don’t have to continue to be confused about whether he and his wife moved in with a roommate. Clearly, clearing up my confusion is not his main goal in establishing his independence, but I do think that Single is a very useful indicator of a divorce.

        So that is a good call. I have been in a relationship for 2 years, and I will want some people to know i’m not anymore without making a big deal. I feel like I might wait about 4 or 5 months, make it single for about a week, and then take it down again, so that people who care (i.e. suitors) who want to follow up on “nothing” and check “progress” or whatever that is called, can see that it changed at some point.

      • SpaceySteph September 16, 2011, 2:38 pm

        I didn’t want to. The memory of the way my ex and I split- and my facebook related behavior of which I’m not proud makes me wish I could have remained status-free til marriage (or maybe not even then.)

        It was so out of the blue when my ex broke up with me that I mostly thought he was just taking out some anger (which he did towards me alot, and which I’m happy I escaped from, in retrospect) and would change his mind. And then I basically obsessively checked his fb relationship status (which he hadn’t bothered to change yet) as if it was proof that he wasn’t 100% sure he was going to dump me yet.
        Then of course its so public when you do change it, even if you remove it completely. I’d rather not. But my now bf wanted to put it up so eventually I let him.

      • 6napkinburger September 16, 2011, 3:01 pm

        Do you mind if i ask your (for privacy, approx.) age?

      • SpaceySteph September 16, 2011, 3:21 pm

        25. Sounded younger didn’t I?
        My ex was my first everything, and we broke up 2 years ago, after dating for 2 years. I think the first is the worst. But also I was a college freshman when the facebook thing really took off so I think we tend to link ourselves to our facebook selves a little heavier than those of other age groups.

      • 6napkinburger September 16, 2011, 3:25 pm

        I didn’t think you sounded young, I just wanted to gauge whether we were in similar circumstances, which we pretty much are.

      • SpaceySteph September 16, 2011, 3:29 pm

        I think my behavior when my ex dumped me was more like a lovesick teenager rather than a person who had been out of college for over a year. Bad, bad behavior. If my terrible stories can help even one person do better than me then they’re worth telling though!

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        Budjer September 16, 2011, 4:19 pm

        I am 25, and I was a sophomore when facebook hit my campus….are you young for your grade (because I was) or do I need to be facetiously jealous that you got fb before I did.

      • EB September 17, 2011, 3:05 am

        I am 26 and facebook started spring semester of my freshman year but for the first couple months, only 10 or 12 schools had access. So you should probably be really jealous of all the extra hours I’ve been able to waste/procrastinate on facebook 😉

      • oppositeofzen September 18, 2011, 11:22 am


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        CatsMeow September 16, 2011, 2:42 pm

        I was reluctant to change mine too! I had to get my boyfriend to explain the advantages and disadvantages to me because I just don’t see the point). I hadn’t been listed as single prior to that (just left it blank). Then I figured, we had been together for a while and everyone already knew about our relationship anyway so what’s the harm?

      • Morgan September 16, 2011, 4:07 pm

        My boyfriend and I were pretty late to the game in changing relationship status on fb. Once we did we’d actually been together for about 3 months. It wasn’t so much reluctance as it was never really having a moment where we sat down and defined what we were as “a relationship.” He was the one who finally brought up changing it. Most of my friends commented things like “finally” or “um, duh” but there were a couple who were all “ooh, who’s the new guy?” Not a new guy.

  • AndreaMarie September 16, 2011, 2:31 pm

    It really always goes back to “he’s just not into you”. Because if he was, no matter what was going on, he’d call.

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    • thyme September 16, 2011, 2:57 pm

      Yeah, so many times looking back I wish I had just realized that instead of analyzing and re-analyzing everything we ever said to each other for “the” reason.

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    landygirl September 16, 2011, 2:52 pm

    Number 8 is the best!

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    • melikeycheesecake September 16, 2011, 3:21 pm

      I agree! This one made me laugh out loud!

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    Budjer September 16, 2011, 2:19 pm

    Pretty much sums it up. Also….dead, kidnapped, and smart phone battery died because you didn’t have access to a wall charger within 8 hours would be my additions.

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    • Liz September 16, 2011, 4:17 pm

      “Dead” actually happened to a friend of mine, for real. She was wondering why he hadn’t called, and he had actually passed away. SO sad.

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        Budjer September 16, 2011, 4:20 pm

        I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t offend.

      • applescruff September 16, 2011, 4:52 pm

        OMG, that’s terrible.

  • McLovin September 16, 2011, 2:47 pm

    11. his parents won’t let him use the phone/computer until his chores are done.
    12. he promised to take you to a club on your first date, but he realizes that he doesn’t have “the moves like Jagger” and that will be a problem.
    13. he can’t find his phone because he left it in the freezer at “Big Steves” apartment after he left the bar.
    14. it’s Saturday/Sunday and football is on all day. I mean, come on! Football is on all day!
    15. he realizes that he’s used every “line” that he learned in college and you still wouldn’t go home with him last night.
    16. he’s still trying to figure out where he left his credit card last night as the bar tab.
    17. he’s honestly just that lazy.
    18. both of his “clean” shirts aren’t so clean right now, and he’s too lazy to do laundry.
    19. he knows that he’s in way over his head with you.
    20. he’s not willing to admit to you, or anyone else, that he still sleeps with a retainer.

    I’m sure I missed the important reasons, but this is a start.

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    • silver_dragon_girl September 16, 2011, 2:53 pm

      #12 made me snort.

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      • 6napkinburger September 16, 2011, 3:02 pm

        Why you didn’t call him: he promised to take you to a club for your first date. full stop.

    • GatorGirl September 16, 2011, 4:06 pm

      #14 makes me giggle. I’d be pissed if a guy called me during my college or NFL game. Or the tailgate for my college game…but if they called before hand to set up a date to watch football I’d be thrilled!

      Well all of this being hypothetical since I have a BF of 4 years…

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