Whether you’re in a brand-new, not-even-defined-as-of-yet relationship, or you’ve been together for a while, there may be warning signs that all is not rosy and you should MOA. Based on many forum threads, former columns, personal history (my own as well as people I know), here are 15 red flags you should absolutely, positively, definitely NOT ignore if you see them waving in front of you.
1. He’s your boss and he’s married. Enough said.
2. The first time you invite him over to your home, he criticizes where you live (your decor, the location, the neighborhood, the home itself).
3. He says he’s in an open relationship, but, when you ask you meet his significant other, he has 1,001 excuses for why you can’t.
4. He’s married and still lives with his wife, but he says he has “one foot out the door.” Nope. Unless he’s legally separated and living separately from his wife, he is not emotionally available for a relationship. “One foot out the door” is code for “I’m a cheater.”
5. He freaks out if it takes you more than a few minutes to respond to his texts.
6. He asks for details about your sexual history. It is NONE OF HIS DAMN BUSINESS. You owe him nothing but an admission to any STD you might have that you could potentially put him at risk for. If he wants details AND he criticizes you about them? RUN!!!
7. He contacts you on FB or Tinder or Snapchat or whatever the kids are using these days to try to virtually hook up weeks after his divorce is finalized. Maybe you went to HS together a million years ago or share a mutual friend or two. He tells you he was checking out the “people you might know” column and saw your pretty face. Oh, and by the way, his marriage just ended. That’s code for: “I feel emotionally vulnerable and lonely and am looking for a rebound/someone to make me feel better about myself.” Don’t pass go.
8. He uses your body for sexual gratification while you’re sleeping or otherwise not in a position to give consent. OH, HELL NO.
9. You’ve been “dating” for months but have not actually met in person yet and, oh yeah, he doesn’t even really have time to call you anymore because he’s just so busy with his “new job.” You’re not dating, and it’s not a new job that’s keeping you from talking. Home boy has another woman (or women) on the side or JUST ISN’T INTERESTED. In any case, MOA.
10. You meet him in person and discover he’s clearly using outdated photos in his online dating profile that are more flattering than what he currently looks like.
11. He and his sister use the bathroom together, he walks around her naked, he tells her she’s beautiful, and he asks if you’ve ever fantasized about your brothers in a sexual way. RUN. (I deleted the letter, but this is the column that inspired this particular red flag).
13. He has multiple personalities that regularly make appearances, and for which he has not sought psychological treatment, and which he didn’t warn you about before driving alone with you into the desert one evening shortly after you started dating.
14. After you go out with him once, he changes his online dating profile to read: “I can appretiate nice boobs and booty so I will check out girls with you,” and “I like watching horor movies and porn, usually in that order.” Nope. First date is his last date with you. Buh-bye.