Over on the Huffington Post, there’s an article called “Does He Love You? How to Tell” that suggests actions speak louder than words, which, hopefully, will come as a surprise to exactly no one. Unfortunately, the article doesn’t provide too many examples of tell-able actions to look for, but luckily, you all have me. After the jump, I’ve got 15 signs he loves you — he really, really love you.
1. Instead of texting, he actually calls.
2. He uses the pronoun “we” with regularity.
3. He takes allergy medication so he can hang with your cat.
4. He let’s you watch “Real Housewives” even when his team’s playing.
5. He knows your favorite flower.
6. He knows you secretly like Justin Bieber and he hasn’t told a soul.
7. He lets you have the aisle seat.
8. He likes looking at your baby pictures.
9. He remembers the dates of important occasions, like your birthday, the day you met, and when the newest season of “Mad Men” starts.
10. He puts up with your most annoying friends without complaining (too much).
11. He puts up with your crazy family without complaining (too much).
12. He talks about his feelings with you.
13. He introduces you to his mom and she already knows a lot about you.
14. He remembers stuff you said way back when you first started dating.
15. He says so (even when he doesn’t want something from you).
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ReginaRey April 5, 2011, 12:11 pm
16. He cringes, but continues to listen when you tell him about your latest trip to the gyno.
SpaceySteph April 5, 2011, 12:20 pm
Hah! I talk to my bf all the time about birth control, periods, gynecologists… I’m a little strange though, because my father is a OB/GYN (to answer the usual question, no he’s not MY gyno) and I am used to being around a man who talks about vaginas. As an example, whenever I had a “female problem” if I asked my mom she would say “I don’t know, go ask your father.” Poor boyfriend was not raised in such a household, but he has caught on quick.
MissDre April 5, 2011, 1:01 pm
Question… In the US, is a gyno someone different than your usual doctor? I’ve had the same family doctor since I was a baby and he does my pap test along with my annual physical… Is that not how it works in the states?
SpaceySteph April 5, 2011, 1:03 pm
Yes. In fact most women in this country don’t even have a “primary care physician” (what we call the general or family practitioners) until we have some non gynecologic problem. The only doctors I see routinely every year are the dentist and the gynecologist.
MissDre April 5, 2011, 1:11 pm
Really? Wow… I can’t even imagine that… I guess I am really lucky to be able to call up my doctor whenever, for whatever reason… I probably see him at least 6 times a year.
RoyalEagle0408 April 5, 2011, 2:29 pm
Your insurance doesn’t require a PCP? Mine does. Who I have to see every year for a physical. Unrelated to a gyno exam. I think it’s a little extreme to say most women don’t have a PCP. All my friends do.
SpaceySteph April 5, 2011, 2:45 pm
My insurance doesn’t require it. I would need a referral from one to see a gynecologist for more than my yearly visit, but not for my annual checkup.
Also for all the women who “have” a doctor, they don’t all see him or her all that often.
Maracuya April 5, 2011, 2:47 pm
My insurance doesn’t require me to name a PCP but like MissDre, my family practice doctor does everything. She would refer me to a gynocologist if needed, but so far nothing abnormal.
Maracuya April 5, 2011, 2:49 pm
(As a note, I’ve probably seen my doctor 4 times in the past 2/3 of the year.) I go when I’m sick/need advice on changing prescriptions/annual exams.
MissDre April 5, 2011, 3:51 pm
@ Maracuya I’m glad to hear you have a family doctor. I don’t know much about American health care but I hear a lot of horror stories.
sarolabelle April 5, 2011, 2:53 pm
My insurance doesn’t require it. I’m with SpaceySteph. Only see the dentist, eye doc and gyno regularly.
I’d be a little weirded out if the pediatrician I had when I was a baby did my pap smears…..
MissDre April 5, 2011, 3:19 pm
Why would you feel weird? I feel confident that my doctor knows my entire medical history and is therefore more informed about my health and able to make decisions that are right for ME.
sarolabelle April 5, 2011, 3:35 pm
because I don’t feel a prediatrician is taught/skilled enough in women’s health. She/He may know the health risks and complications of children well because that is his speciality. Plus, if the doc is seeing everyone from babies to old people then it can be overwhelming for him. I’d say 40% of a doctors work is research finding out new ways to treat a patient.
MissDre April 5, 2011, 3:47 pm
But he’s not a pediatrician… He’s a general practitioner. There’s a difference. He’s been looking after me for 25 years, so he’s invested in my health. And like Maracuya said, if there is anything abnormal or out of their scope, a GP will refer you to a specialist.
sarolabelle April 5, 2011, 4:00 pm
that’s interesting….I wouldn’t think about sending a baby to a general practictioner. The one family practice guy I went to to get stiches out of my finger when I was 24 didn’t even use gloves. So I got a bad impression of those docs. Plus they are usually in strip malls which makes me not like them even more….
MissDre April 5, 2011, 4:10 pm
@sarloabelle can’t reply to your last message, not sure why…
LoL you are giving me nightmares of American healthcare! I can’t imagine a doctor not using gloves, and my doctor is definitely not in a strip mall haha! The inside of my doctor’s office is just like any hospital.
MissDre April 5, 2011, 4:12 pm
and PS, regarding your comment about sending a baby to a general practitioner, he was already my mother’s doctor. so he cared for her throughout her pregnancy, and therefore cared for me when I came along.
Maracuya April 5, 2011, 4:26 pm
@Miss Dre: I think a lot of people just don’t visit their doctors with regularity because it’s difficult to schedule time off work. My schedule is flexible, so I’m taking advantage of it.
A doctor who specializes in family medicine needs an M.D., residency and needs to sit for certification. It’s not like they’re med school dregs, plenty of people choose this speciality. Heck, my family medicine doctor delivers babies, too. Nothing fancy but in a medical center and not in a strip mall.
TaxMan April 5, 2011, 5:54 pm
I mainly go to a General Practitioner, but they are a dying breed here in the States. It’s mainly because all the money is in specializing. Don’t get me wrong GP’s make a good bit of money, but they also usually have added expenses of running their practice and paying their employees. So, that eats into their profits, and lets face it, while not all med students do, a lot of them go into the field because of the money. Specialists on the other hand usually work out of a hospital and have very few extra expenses. So, when students hit med school they invariably choose to specialize in one field or another. It’s only those with a true calling for it that go to be GP’s now.
delilahgem April 6, 2011, 8:53 am
I had my family doctor do mine until she retired and a male took her place.(@sarolabelle, it was really weird at first because I saw her since I was five) I see him for my annual physical, my thyroid stuff, and obviously when I’m sick. My insurance requires I list a PCP, and fortunately I already had one and he accepts/works with my insurance company.
seven7three July 4, 2011, 1:53 am
My family doctor (the doctor who delivered my husband and my son) is my GP, gyno, he does my breast exams, manipulates my back and he’s my therapist. He’s a wonderful doctor (and a fantastic man in general). So me for me, I have one all purpose doctor. But, to my knowledge, this isn’t very common.
Skyblossom April 5, 2011, 4:31 pm
The ob/gyn is a specialist who covers the female reproductive tract and pregnancy.
I also have a family practice doctor who sees all the members of my family for anything. I could go to him for pelvic exams and other reproductive questions/problems but I’ve choosen to see the ob/gyn for that. Most family practice doctors don’t deliver babies and don’t do routine surgery but in rural areas they frequently do it all.
thyme April 5, 2011, 5:08 pm
I live in the US, and my primary care physician does my pap at my annual physical. But I get a referral to an ob/gyn if I need something more complicated done down there. I think it just depends on the individual’s insurance, medical group/doctor, and preference.
Red_Lady April 5, 2011, 7:23 pm
Same here. My doctor does my yearly physical and pap when it’s needed. (and I live in the US) I’ve never actually gone to a gynocologist
MissDre April 5, 2011, 12:21 pm
LOL I thought I was the only one who shared that stuff!
SpaceySteph April 5, 2011, 12:24 pm
I think we should all do this more often. Your sexual/reproductive health is directly tied to his if you are in a relationship that involves sex. If you change birth control, had an unusual test result, might have an STD… heck even just that you got the all clear and have no STDs, its his right to know and his responsibility to care.
Jessica April 5, 2011, 1:52 pm
i can’t say it’s his right to know.
i do bring up stuff with my boyfriend if i need to…. but i don’t tell him every time i go get a pap test etc. i like to keep some things personal, i guess.
SpaceySteph April 5, 2011, 2:14 pm
I guess its not his right to know everything. But I think its his right to know when you get tested for STDs and the result, be it positive OR negative. Its nice to get hear all-clear every now and then.
ReginaRey April 5, 2011, 12:28 pm
@SpaceySteph – You’re exactly right! Your sexual/reproductive health is tied to that of your partner’s, so NOT talking about your latest check up seems a little strange to me. Also, you can’t really end up married to someone without talking about these things, or any other bodily functions. Pregnancy? Childbirth? Kidney stones? UTIs? Not all of it is glamorous, but you need to be able to talk about it with your partner!
SpaceySteph April 5, 2011, 3:12 pm
So true.. if you can’t discuss a little once-a-day pill with a man, how are you going to be able to go through pregnancy, birth, diseases, old age with that man? Getting old isn’t pretty. Neither is having children.. little bodily fluid factories! I think a good indicator of how a guy would be to grow old with is how he can handle the not-even-that-squicky stuff that happens when you’re young and healthy.
Skyblossom April 5, 2011, 4:34 pm
Besides, if you’re sexually involved with a man he needs to know what kind of birth control you may be using and he needs to know that you use it properly and he should care enough to know that you get routine exams and that you’re fine.
baby.blanka April 5, 2011, 1:03 pm
I just had to warn Mr. Blanka that I changed birth controls…
after we had a huge fight because I am slightly hormonal :/
Ally April 6, 2011, 7:30 am
Arg me too, I hate to use hormones as an excuse, but I don’t even realise I’m being crazy until he points it out. Really hope it doesn’t take too long to even out again!
Laurel April 5, 2011, 12:12 pm
Regarding #2, I have a friend who’s been dating his gf for years and when he leaves me voice messages he always says “This is Erin and Andy, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out, etc etc”. It cracks me up. (In a sweet way, but it’s still totally funny.)
MissDre April 5, 2011, 12:25 pm
5. He knows your favorite flower.
My favourite flower is yellow roses, I’m crazy about them. For valentine’s day, my bf gave me a single long stem red rose. I didn’t say anything but was a little surprised… like don’t you know I’m crazy about yellow ones?
But he immediately explained, “I know you love yellow, but since it’s valentine’s day I thought it would be appropriate to go with the traditional red.”
Not quite sure I get that logic, LOL, but I was certainly appreciative anyway.
cdjd2614 April 5, 2011, 12:39 pm
Yellow roses are a lot harder to get around v-day since they are in short supply at that time and are extremely expensive if you do get them as well. They are my sister’s favorite as well and her boyfriend got them for her last year and he said it was hard just to find a flourist that even carried them around that time of the year.
Maracuya April 5, 2011, 12:42 pm
I always thought yellow roses symbolized friendship. Maybe he does too, so he felt they were too..casual?
MissDre April 5, 2011, 1:04 pm
I guess, but it really shouldn’t matter what they “symbolize”… the point is, I absolutely love yellow roses and he knows that. If you’re giving a gift, shouldn’t it be what the person loves?
Anyway I’m not complaining LoL… He also gave me my favourite coffee, so I definitely feel loved, regardless of what colour flowers I get 🙂
Maracuya April 5, 2011, 1:06 pm
Haha, well, I don’t know, I’m just hypothesizing here. 😀
kali January 2, 2012, 1:24 pm
Yellow roses are my favorite too and who cares what the Victorians said they symbolized. Non-hothouse yellow roses have the best scent. My boyfriend bought me a gorgeous yellow rose bush with luscious frangrance a few birthdays back.
Skyblossom April 5, 2011, 4:36 pm
I think a yellow rose means friendship and a red rose means love so he really wanted to say he loved you.
Maracuya April 5, 2011, 12:46 pm
I give him a pass on #5 because ironically, I don’t have a favorite flower. I like lots of them-orchids, lilies, hydrangeas, peonies, roses.
maynard April 5, 2011, 1:23 pm
I don’t have a favorite flower either. Never really thought about it, but I suddenly feel like less of a girl
I do like mini cacti though. That would be a nice gift.
Maracuya April 5, 2011, 2:42 pm
Mini cacti are pretty sweet.
Chelsey April 5, 2011, 3:30 pm
Mini cacti? You guys are awesome!!
Ally April 6, 2011, 7:32 am
Now there’s a house plant I could possibly keep alive! So going to get one now 🙂
Christy December 30, 2011, 7:43 pm
Cactus is the only plant I can keep alive and my cat won’t eat!
dandywarhol February 16, 2012, 7:06 pm
I love mini cacti too! If a boyfriend gave me one…swoon! Haha i thought i was the only one.
TheGirl April 5, 2011, 12:46 pm
To add to #4: not only does he let you watch whatever terrible show you’re addicted to, he actually changes the channel when he knows its coming on because he knows you want to watch it but don’t want to say anything while he’s watching the game.
BoomChakaLaka April 5, 2011, 1:00 pm
When number 4 happened, I knew it was true. He watched Jersey Shore when the Knicks were playing. And if anyone knows a Knicks fan…oh my goodness, this is huge!
He ended up telling me he loved me about a month later in a more romantic setting (no Jersey Shore involved).
Also:
17. He shares details about his life (promotions or physical pain) with you first.
Jessica April 5, 2011, 1:02 pm
4. He let’s you watch “Real Housewives” even when his team’s playing.
I don’t watch Real Housewives and he doesn’t care about sports besides curling, but I knew he really loved me when he sat through an entire hour and a half of Project Runway without a single complaint. We watched it at a friend’s house with said friend and her mom so he also had to deal an hour and a half of the bitchy comments that come with the territory of PR. What a catch!
HmC April 5, 2011, 1:12 pm
That article totally struck a chord with me. My bf is amazing with the spontaneous stuff like deep conversations, sharing feelings, and last minute plans, and I’m very aware how much he loves me, but sometimes the long term detailed/planned stuff gets neglected. I know he tries so hard, for me, on the more conscientious stuff, like planning a weekend trip. He even insists he doesn’t find it naggy for me to remind him about longer term things, and I know it’s not easy for him. He’s just a genuinely type B, easy-going person, and I wouldn’t want him any other way.
HmC April 5, 2011, 1:13 pm
(referring to Huff Post article, not Wendy’s list)
maynard April 5, 2011, 1:26 pm
“. He let’s you watch “Real Housewives” even when his team’s playing.”
I would say- let’s me watch MY team even if his team is playing (or even though he hates my team)
WatersEdge April 5, 2011, 1:27 pm
I was in an LDR, and I knew my now-husband was really serious about me when he asked me for all my toiletry item preferences to stock up the house before my first weekend visit. I knew he REALLY loved me when I saw that he bought economy-sized everything. It takes a lot of weekend visits to get through 6 bars of Dove soap!
pho_sho December 30, 2011, 3:15 pm
Aww, this is really sweet!
Meaghan Self April 5, 2011, 1:47 pm
I got my first UTI ever with my bf, and I sat him on the couch and started telling his penis that it had to be more careful with it’s hygiene or it wouldn’t be able to play with me anymore lol Definitely made an awkward situation hilarious. Of course he then had to tell my lady bits that they had to be more on the ball with cleaning after or they’d get grounded too.
You always need to keep each other updated on your health sexual or otherwise. Life has enough surprises in store for us we don’t need to add any.
Jessica April 5, 2011, 2:06 pm
18. He freakin’ does your laundry!!!!! and folds them to the best of his ability!
my boyfriend does this when i leave clothes at his place. amazes me every time.
Lanchik April 6, 2011, 8:00 am
So does mine. 🙂 And he even gave me two drawers of his dresser to put my clothes in for when I sleep over at his apartment. Such a sweetie!
SpyGlassez April 5, 2011, 2:12 pm
3) He doesn’t have allergies, but he isn’t a cat person per se….yet he still thinks my cat is cute and will interact with him!
Hana April 5, 2011, 2:32 pm
I knew my boyfriend loved me when I got really sick around Christmas time. I started throwing up blood and had to be rushed to the er at 2 am. I didn’t have insurance and had to stay there till around 8. He missed half a day of work and bought all the medication I needed (not cheap without insurance). Then my parents came to visit me a week later and the whole thing happened again! I had my parents there but he still wanted to go to the hospital at 1 am and stayed with me until 5 even though he had to be up for work at 6:40. Now we are the most loving, open, honest couple I know.
Morgan April 5, 2011, 2:39 pm
My boyfriend takes allergy meds to be around my cat. It’s sad though, because he loves cats, and my cat hates him. Hates him. She’s not big on men in general though….crazy thing.
sarolabelle April 5, 2011, 2:48 pm
1. I get a text message that says nothing more than *kiss* in addition to calling.
2. has been for a while
3. N/A – but he lets be bring my dog to his house.
4. He DVRs my favorite show for me.
5. He knows it. It’s Stargazer Lily. Instead of getting them for me he got be 100 Peruvian Lilies because he thought they were just smaller versions.
6. N/A
7. N/A
8. N/A – he hasn’t seen any.
9. He wrote down the dates we met and then took a picture of the board he wrote it on.
10. If I have any annoying friends, I don’t know who.
11. My family isn’t crazy.
12. Yes, all the time.
13. Happened in October.
14. Yes, it’s happened before.
15. He has never said he loved me.
So does he love me?
WatersEdge April 5, 2011, 2:54 pm
Based on #9 alone, I vote yes!
Amy April 5, 2011, 3:07 pm
Yep
sarolabelle April 5, 2011, 4:57 pm
My boyfriend also farted on me while my head was resting on his lap last weekend….perhaps he doesn’t love me…
Eagle Eye April 5, 2011, 7:27 pm
no, I’m actually pretty sure that that’s boy-speak for love! : D
jena April 5, 2011, 3:04 pm
My roommate does a lot of this… and we are exes. We broke up before we moved in together (long story involving me being given 30 days to leave my old place bc my landlord wanted to sell), but we broke up because he said he “didn’t want a relationship.”
What’s up with that? :-/
Amy April 5, 2011, 3:08 pm
Oh honey – I think you need to find some new digs. This would drive me impossibly bonkers.
jena April 6, 2011, 11:59 am
Nah, we’re pretty much best pals and actually enjoy being around each other, I promise it’s not as weird as it seems.
sarolabelle April 5, 2011, 3:09 pm
I love a lot of people I’m not “in a relationship” with. Guess you fall in that category for him.
Eagle Eye April 5, 2011, 4:04 pm
How about cleans the toilet (we live together) I HATE cleaning the bathroom and he knows that, I hate dealing with the chemicals and the fact that its just plan icky…
So, when we had guests coming over and were cleaning frantically, he totally started in on the bathroom without even being asked…that’s why I know he loves me…
HmC April 5, 2011, 4:17 pm
Reminds me of my dude and doing dishes… he’s knows it’s the one chore that I absolutely loath, so he’ll step in and do them without being asked. He even tells me to stop when I start doing them and offers to finish up. I know this won’t last forever but for now it might make me randier than anything else I can think of. lol
Eagle Eye April 5, 2011, 4:26 pm
Heh, and after our guests left he even did the bulk of the dishes…
Its especially nice since I’ve been doing most of the household chores recently since his work is much more stressful/ time consuming than mine…but it was nice to really see him step up and help out a little bit more around the house… : D
TheGirl April 5, 2011, 4:18 pm
I think that should also apply to litter boxes!
MissDre April 5, 2011, 4:37 pm
ROFL OMG! Hahahaha I WISH I could ask my bf to change the litter box… but he doesn’t live with me so I guess I can’t hope for that 🙂 I guess it’s good enough that he loves my cats as though they were his own children!
Skyblossom April 5, 2011, 4:38 pm
My husband always cleaned the litter box for the 20 years we had a cat.
Ally April 6, 2011, 7:38 am
Yeah, I think a man who will change the litter box is probably a keeper 😉 And we have one stinky cat!
Skyblossom April 5, 2011, 4:44 pm
18. He never gossips or complains about you behind your back.
19. He’s always there when you’re sick.
20. He knows you enough to make jokes just for you that leave you doubled up laughing.
21. He loves to spend time with you.
sobriquet April 5, 2011, 6:02 pm
It’s love when he buys you random things at the grocery store 🙂 It’s so nice when he picks me up a bottle of wine or my favorite soup. Things that he doesn’t like, but knows that I love.
TheGirl April 6, 2011, 9:26 am
That’s sweet! I can’t even take my husband to the grocery store at all. If I do I get to the check out lane and realize I have a cart full of cookies. That man would eat chips ahoy for dinner every night if it weren’t for me…
MissDre April 5, 2011, 9:31 pm
My boyfriend came over for dinner tonight and randomly brought me a package of Wonka Nerds (the candy). It’s nice to get candy for no reason 🙂
Caroline April 5, 2011, 11:15 pm
My boyfriend hasn’t said that he loves me, but I feel like he does. He’s never told a girl that he loved her, and he’s really only “loved” one girl, so I don’t really expect him to ever tell me that he loves me. It took me a really long time to tell him that I love him, and even now I’ve only said it three times in one month.
But I do think he loves me. It’s in the little things. He does things he knows I’ll like, like part his hair on the side because I told him I think it makes him look really handsome. Everytime he does it, he’s always like “so you like my hair today?” Or, I made a comment along the lines of, “why don’t you dip me?” after watching a guy dip his woman in a movie. He tried it a few days later and I was so surprised but also pleased. Also, for Valentine’s Day, he came to my house and surprised me with yellow day lilies. He hates Valentine’s Day and my favorite color of flowers are yellow because they make me feel happy. He always falls asleep with his arms wrapped around me when we watch a movie.
The stuff on this list don’t really apply to my boyfriend, I think. But I still think he loves me or at least really, really cares about me.
Caroline April 6, 2011, 12:05 am
Oh, and last week, he told me he really needed to study for a test and couldn’t really hang out for a few days. Later that night, I get a text from him saying, “What are you doing later, want to come over for a while?” Made me smile.
Jess April 6, 2011, 8:07 am
i had friends where the guy wouldn’t tell her he loved her, because it was such a big deal and he didn’t want to take it lightly, only wanted to say it to the girl he was going to marry, etc. I remember her being super upset about this.
I lost touch with them for about 4 years, but then the girl friended me and guess what? They are married and have a little girl. So I guess he says he loves her now 🙂 I mean, he clearly loved her back then, I think it just takes some people longer to say
Jess April 6, 2011, 2:50 am
“Over on the Huffington Post, there’s an article called “Does He Love You? How to Tell” that suggests actions speak louder than words, which, hopefully, will come as a surprise to exactly no one.”
Did I get linked to the wrong article? Thats not what that article is saying at all… ??
its saying short term actions are demonstrative of love, while long term ones have to do with personality traits. It also said that ‘words’ … aka spontaneously saying i love you, DOES have to do with intensity of love.
It also says *specifically* in the article that remembering dates (such as birthdays, anniversaries) does NOT correlate with intensity of love. So #9 goes exactly against what scientific research has found.
I’m not trying to be nit-picky, but I think what the study *actually* found is super interesting and relevant. And an accurate post about its findings would a lot more interesting than one about “actions speak louder than words.” (which the article is actually saying isn’t always true)
TheGirl April 6, 2011, 9:24 am
Here’s a quote from the end of the HuffPo article:
“So if you’re trying to get a sense of how your partner really feels about you, the smaller, spontaneous acts of love that occur without much forethought are a much better indicator of the depth of his love than whether or not he remembers your birthday or to take out the trash.”
So #9 would be the only one that’s not really relevant…the rest of Wendy’s examples seem right on to me. They’re little things that don’t require forethought but mean he cares.
In the interest of talking about the article itself, I definitely agree with the HuffPo article. My husband may not remember to take out the trash, but if he sees me doing it, he stops me, takes it out of my hands, apologizes and tells me the trash is HIS job. Ditto for the liter box and dishes.
And, no, I’m not the one that gave you the purple thumb!
rhonda February 6, 2012, 3:43 am
oh my goodness. see how most women just go on and on and on and on. not even on the subject of the article. whew. any guy that puts up with that, def loves the woman. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. geeez