Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

15 Signs You’re Over Him

Last week, I posted 15 signs you’re not over him, so it seemed only right that this week I post 15 signs you are over him and you’ve successfully MOA’d (yay, you!). Check ’em out after the jump.

1. You find an old shirt of his while cleaning out your bedroom and throw it away without flinching.

2. You can listen to sad songs without thinking about him.

3. You can listen to happy songs without thinking about him.

4. You just don’t think about him that much at all anymore.

5. You completely forget it’s his birthday.

6. It doesn’t even take effort anymore to not peek at his Facebook page.

7. Your social plans no longer hinge on whether or not he’s going to be there.

8. When you go on first dates now, you aren’t even tempted to mention your ex.

9. You stopped driving by his house looking for unfamiliar cars eons ago.

10. You’ve stopped mentioning him in therapy.

11. You’ve stopped mentioning him on your blog.

12. You can hang out at the place you met him without having pangs of sadness.

13. You know longer hate the team (or sport) he loved just because.

14. You hear through the grapevine (or Facebook or Twitter or Tumblr) that he’s engaged and you feel … pretty much nothing.

15. You’ve finally stopped e-stalking his new love.

72 comments… add one
  • callmehobo May 13, 2011, 12:41 pm

    16. You give him back the copper pots?

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    • MissDre May 13, 2011, 12:45 pm


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    • Firegirl32 May 13, 2011, 1:09 pm


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      • melikeycheesecake May 13, 2011, 1:16 pm

        Hilarious Callmehobo!!! Good ole Mr. Jessica!

    • jena May 13, 2011, 1:16 pm


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    • LTC039 May 13, 2011, 1:22 pm

      Is that in a new “girl talk” entry? It’s been some time since I’ve visited TF…

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      • Callifax May 13, 2011, 4:45 pm

        I’m also a convert. 🙂 I mostly went to TF for Dear Wendy posts anyhow…

      • LTC039 May 13, 2011, 7:47 pm

        same here! lol

      • Marie May 13, 2011, 7:27 pm

        I realized I only read Dear Wendy on TF. . .

    • spaceboy761 May 13, 2011, 1:50 pm

      Goddammit. I had so much JW-fueled snark in my head just trying to percolate the perfect comment until I read this and realized that I couldn’t possibly top it.

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    • sarita_f May 13, 2011, 2:05 pm


      Nice, @callmehobo!!!

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    • Roxy84 May 13, 2011, 2:05 pm

      Bahaha…nice one!

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    • sarolabelle May 13, 2011, 1:44 pm

      Did she give them back?

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      • callmehobo May 13, 2011, 1:48 pm

        I have no clue. I replaced my Frisky bookmark with Dear Wendy…

      • MissDre May 13, 2011, 1:48 pm

        I don’t think so, I think callmehobo is just making fun of her for being SO OBVIOUSLY not over him and continuously defending her decision to keep the pots… unless maybe I missed an article… I don’t read TF very often these days.

      • melikeycheesecake May 13, 2011, 1:57 pm

        TF has went down hill bad and fast!!!!

      • sobriquet May 13, 2011, 2:59 pm

        TF makes me so sad. That used to be my go-to website. Now I’ll travel back maybe twice a month to read a Girl Talk article. A couple days ago I read a new column by Jessica (the first one I’d read in months) talking about how her ex’s friends were writing cruel words about her online. The commenters were tearing her a new asshole, I was shocked! I’m so glad Wendy has her own site. I wish Jessica and Amelia would start separate blogs, but I know that won’t happen.

      • MissDre May 13, 2011, 3:04 pm

        All Jessica and Amelia talk about is how their lives are train-wrecks and they can’t stick to their own personal resolutions. Boo!

      • spaceboy761 May 13, 2011, 3:21 pm

        It’s funny how both Jessica and Amelia could read both halves of that sentence and not make the connection.

      • Kalipzo May 13, 2011, 7:11 pm

        Which article?

      • jena May 16, 2011, 11:20 am

        I thought that post was such bullsh*t. WAH WAH my ex’s friends like his new girlfriend more than me. She called people out for being mean to her, when in fact, she’d posted handfuls of articles trashing her ex-boyfriend and accepted HUNDREDS of comments demeaning him. She’s a jerk, and she’s not a great writer to boot.

      • BoomChakaLaka May 13, 2011, 1:51 pm

        I still do read TheFrisky from time to time, and she did give them back in exchange for her Louboutins, I believe.

      • MissDre May 13, 2011, 2:13 pm

        I thought she kept the Louboutins to begin with?

      • MellaJade May 13, 2011, 2:30 pm

        I thought she kept the copper pots and he told her to keep the Laboutins. Honestly though, that’s short sighted on his part b/c he could have sold the shoes on eBay. I felt so badly for her but clearly that bust up is going to smart for quite some time…

      • Elle May 13, 2011, 2:35 pm

        Can’t believe I’m going to admit to know this, but here it is. Last time I checked, she kept the Louboutins because he’s a guy, and he can’t find any use for them. And she kept the pots/took them back from him, because she scrubbed them and he broke up with her. I didn’t get the logic behind all this, but I’m sure it made sense for her. I don’t like to be mean, but I think she was going through one of those “There’s no understanding crazy” phases.

      • SGMcG May 13, 2011, 3:04 pm

        I think she also kept the pots because he ended up using the gift certificate given by his parents to the both of them for his date/now girlfriend. I believe mentioned in a comment she sold the pots towards a deposit into a new apartment. Although I can’t verify it since I think MOST of the comments attached to articles about Mr. J. have now been deleted.

      • SGMcG May 13, 2011, 3:12 pm

        And yes, I recognize it’s kinda geeky to verify back on the TF what happened in the copper pots/Louboutins drama. Yet I think it’s worth being thorough and accurate whenever possible. It’s also obvious that she’s not over the breakup yet since she can’t bring herself to do signs 11 (and in turn 4) as well as variations on 14 and 15 yet.

      • Elle May 13, 2011, 3:38 pm

        Ok, didn’t know about the deposit for the new place. I’m sorry for Jessica and all other ladies that it’s their job to talk about their life. Jessica HAS TO write that she’s over her ex, because he most likely reads her columns (or his friends let him know what she writes), and so she wants to have the upper hand. At the same time, she does immature things and she throws herself into situations she’s not ready to deal with yet. But she has to write about her life, and she can’t write week after week – stayed in bed watching movies, crying myself to sleep.

        I also think the ladies over there are perfect examples of understanding things at an intellectual level, but not on emotional level.

    • TJ May 13, 2011, 3:09 pm

      While I find this pretty funny, this happened just last week where we all talk shit about TF…

      I know that the articles have been disappointing at TF, but Wendy, do you really approve of everyone starting the bashing threads? I mean, it is where most of us found you in the first place.

      In my humble opinion, we should just take it easy on them over there. Let’s not get worked up over and over again…

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      • TheOtherMe May 13, 2011, 3:23 pm

        I agree Tj.

      • MissDre May 13, 2011, 3:43 pm

        Being in marketing and advertising, I’d be happy with any topic that generates a lot of comments on my site. I’m not going to speak for Wendy, but I do know she’s hoping to make a living off this blog. To do that, you need advertisers. To entice advertisers, you want to show them lots of site visits and a high average time on site.

        Of course we want to keep this site respectful and classy, but I think everybody here is just having lighthearted fun teasing TF writers. So if it increases traffic, I say that’s a bonus!!

      • Christy May 13, 2011, 4:22 pm

        The first comment was SO PERFECT though.

      • BoomChakaLaka May 13, 2011, 4:32 pm

        While I agree with you TJ, you are forgetting that W/The Frisky Staff/Wendy puts her/their life/emotions on blast on the internet, so I’m sure they are expecting to some extent that there will be some negativity.

        That said, I don’t think anything very rude or disrespectful has been said here. Just making light of a silly situation.

    • Elle May 13, 2011, 3:41 pm

      Off-topic, but hey, it’s Friday.
      @callmehobo, for a long time, I thought your name here on DW is camel-hobo. Guess I’m a letter jumbler

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      • TheOtherMe May 13, 2011, 3:43 pm

        @Elle: i think we all could use an open thread right now !

      • callmehobo May 13, 2011, 4:37 pm


        Elle, you have made my day. From now on, you can call me camel-hobo if you want!

      • Rachelgrace53 May 13, 2011, 5:38 pm

        I am going to find reasons to say camel-hobo just because it’s hilarious!

    • scattol May 13, 2011, 4:54 pm

      You know, one day soon, she will be looking for another job and prospective employers are going to read what she wrote. Some of it is unglued enough that it would make most prospective employers run for the hills. Wouldn’t be surprised if she stares at the unemployment line for a while.

      Let’s hope for her that finding this wealthy guy that can afford the lifestyle she deserves deserves is going to work out

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      • Britannia May 13, 2011, 6:49 pm

        I considered this too. I don’t understand people who air out their dirty laundry on such a public platform, be it on reality shows or through personal blogs. That stuff is going to be around forever for people to pass judgement on you — if you’re going to be in the spotlight like that, you need to keep your decorum.

    • Britannia May 13, 2011, 6:47 pm

      You know what the very worst part of the whole pots fiasco is, in my opinion? Her boyfriend is a foodie and loves to cook. Those copper pots meant A LOT to him, and he would have made very good use for them… just like those Louboutins meant a lot to Jessica and she would get a lot of use out of them, which is why HE let HER keep them. But she couldn’t do the same thoughtful courtesy for him.

      I know this about the boyfriend because I was very, very bored one day while waiting for a bus to arrive, and with minimal sleuthing was able to find Ex-Mr. Jessica’s Tumblr and Flickr. He’s actually a really good guy and has been the exact opposite of Jessica in handling the breakup – he has been gracious, and not mentioned their breakup on the internet AT ALL. It’s all been Jessica, whipping up the shitstorm.

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  • applescruff May 13, 2011, 1:22 pm

    Can I still hate the sports team just because? Just because his entire family and all his friends were obsessed with this team, and I never saw his father wearing something that didn’t have the team insignia on it? Literally never. Even at a wedding.

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    • LTC039 May 13, 2011, 1:33 pm

      Does it count if you have a strong disliking towards his country, only because he would always remind me how people from his country were more “refined & educated” then people from my country? & then use that as an excuse when I would get upset at him… hahaha

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      • sobriquet May 13, 2011, 2:54 pm

        @LTC039: I dated a guy a few years ago who lived in Portland, Oregon for the majority of his life and constantly talked about it. We only dated for a few months until I realized he was a huge idiot/jerk/stoner, but that relationship left a mark on me. For a good year afterwards, I got a sick feeling in my stomach every time Portland was mentioned. He made me hate one of the coolest cities I’ve ever been to! Luckily that’s not the case anymore.

      • applescruff May 13, 2011, 3:27 pm

        I used to live in Portland (but I’m not from there) and I am positive they teach kids in school to say, “Oregon has everything I need, I will never leave. It has mountains, and ocean, and desert….” I can’t tell you how many times I heard almost that EXACT PHRASE.

        Portland is cool, but it’s not the only place in the world!

      • LTC039 May 13, 2011, 3:46 pm

        That’s what he used to say about his country of origin (Colombia). How it was the best place in the world & there was no country as great as it! I have seen pictures, it seems to be very beautiful, but there are a hell of a lot nicer countries in this world!!

      • LTC039 May 13, 2011, 3:44 pm

        I def. can sympathize with you! He moved to Chicago for college & was always saying how great it was…I hated it while we were dating because not only was he an ass to me, he was ALWAYS talking about how great the city was & that New York (I’m in love with that city) was a piece of crap compared…(He would say that just to push my buttons). & just the fact that he moved away from me I associated Chicago with all those negative aspects & couldn’t even hear the name for a while w/o shivering…Now I think it’s a lovely city & I’m actually going there this fall with my current boyfriend 🙂

      • spaceboy761 May 13, 2011, 3:55 pm

      • applescruff May 13, 2011, 4:48 pm

        Amazing! This is exactly what happened to my brother. I moved to Portland for grad school, but he had been talking about moving there for probably a year before that. He and his wife would visit from time to time, and tell me the best routes to get places, how the light rail worked, generalizations about certain neighborhoods (like the one I lived in) and so on. He finally moved there about 6 months before I left, and has since been absorbed into a vegan co-op. It’s like an episode of Portlandia.

      • ajc2209 May 17, 2011, 3:15 pm

        @LTC039 Hey, that happened to me too – only it was the constant hipster one-upmanship of how amaaazing Austin is, the music, dude, and they just have to keep Austin weird, man, because it’s like totally the best place in the world, you just don’t even know.

        It took me ages to be able to admit that Austin might be even remotely a slightly okay place after listening to his verbal fapping for eight months. I felt ill when I had to go there for a work trip and then really resentful towards him when I had a great time– I would have gone so much sooner if I hadn’t let him ruin it for me. 🙁

    • SpaceySteph May 13, 2011, 3:24 pm

      Yes, I think you can. Some sports hate transcends a breakup. My ex loved Nascar. I never watched a race before dating him, so I didn’t really have an opinion on it beforehand… but it was really boring and even when we were together I didn’t really want to watch. Now that he’s not putting it on, I certainly don’t turn it on for myself.

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  • MsMisery May 13, 2011, 1:45 pm

    My ex sent me a ton of music. A lot of it was not my style but I kept it and listened to it because it “reminded me of him.” When we broke up I gradually deleted the stuff I outright didn’t like. I knew I was over him when I could stop skipping the songs he sent me that I actually *did* like, and listen to think without feeling anything except enjoyment for the song.

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  • TheOtherMe May 13, 2011, 2:37 pm

    Can’t do #5, his B-day is same date as my parents wedding anniversary and my B-day is the same date as his parent’s wedding anniversary.

    – Someone ALWAYS brings it up!

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    • justpeachy May 13, 2011, 3:23 pm

      Agreed. My ex’s bday is one day after mine and I still get this evil enjoyment out of posting awesome pictures of my birthday on his birthday.

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  • Elle May 13, 2011, 2:38 pm

    I love the picture of this post. Do band-aids accumulate with each heartbreak, or after you heal your heart is brand new again? Can’t figure it out.

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    • TheOtherMe May 13, 2011, 2:42 pm

      It depends on the brand, Band-Aid® brand seems to stay on longer, no name ones tend to fall off after each heartbreak

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      • BoomChakaLaka May 13, 2011, 4:34 pm

        Off topic, but did you copy and paste that trade mark sign or is that html code?

      • MissDre May 13, 2011, 4:39 pm

        type alt + 0174 (®)

      • TheOtherMe May 13, 2011, 4:44 pm

        I forgot… MissDre is also in marketing ! 🙂

      • TheOtherMe May 13, 2011, 4:43 pm

        @Boom: I work in sports licensing ( most of the the major league sports ) so for me typing the ® & © marks are second nature !

        The shortcut ( on Mac ) is control= R for the ® & control + G for the © (copyright) symbol

      • MissDre May 13, 2011, 4:46 pm

        I love my Mac. So much easier, you don’t have to remember the 4-number code for everything. Unfortunately I have to use a PC at work.

      • TheOtherMe May 13, 2011, 5:15 pm

        Seriously ? this comment was thumbed down ? I better not admit i like the color red because some red-color-hater will thumb me down too !

      • MissDre May 13, 2011, 6:31 pm


    • MsMisery May 13, 2011, 2:50 pm

      Maybe they dissolve with time, like the stiches they use for oral surgery…

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    • Elle May 13, 2011, 2:55 pm

      I like this answer – they become part of the heart.

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  • spanishdoll May 13, 2011, 3:26 pm

    I knew I was completely over my ex when I was actually excited to meet his new girlfriend, and couldn’t even find it in me to be snarky about their relationship.

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  • MissDre May 13, 2011, 4:53 pm

    I mentioned last week that I still think of my ex probably weekly, with feelings of hate cuz I think he’s a huge douchebag. And I said that’s probably not healthy, especially considering that we broke up 2 years ago and I’m in a wonderful relationship now.

    I am happy to say that I threw out his shirts ages ago, I never think of him when listening to music (whether happy or sad), definitely forgot his birthday, haven’t looked at his FB page in over a year, stopped mentioning him in therapy over a year ago and don’t give a shit about his social schedule (doesn’t even cross my mind).

    And I feel sorry for his baby mama for having to put up with a condescending ass like him.

    I don’t know, am I over him or not?

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    • melikeycheesecake May 13, 2011, 5:05 pm

      You’re right on the verge of being over him 🙂 I kid I kid!

      Glad you’re in a wonderful relationship now!

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      • Rachelgrace53 May 13, 2011, 5:53 pm

        Disliking someone because you think they are a bad person is definitely not equivalent to “not over him.” Of course, I am possibly saying this because I am in the same situation with an old ex. He was abusive and horrible to me and all of the people in BOTH of our lives, so I kicked him to the curb and he turned into a pot-head alcoholic. I’d say I still have a reasonable amount of disdain when I remember how I was treated by him, but I’m so far past over him. In fact, last weekend we happened to be at the same party (first time in the 2.5 years since we broke up) and I was totally fine.

        So all that say, we’re over our losers while still disliking them as people! Hooray for us!

      • Britannia May 13, 2011, 6:54 pm

        What you said x1,000,000.

        I hate it when people say, “Oh, you hate him, you’re not over him” when sometimes, being over him and seeing him for who he really is *IS* what being over him is about.

        I hate one of my exes because he swindled me out of at least 10 grand with his bullshit refusal to take care of himself, and a few of his friends still owe me money because I gave small “helping handouts” when they couldn’t make ends meet for bills and whatnot. One of them refuses to repay me the money I advanced him for a tattoo that he ended up never putting on me. He and his friends are simply bad people, and I don’t like bad people… and if they’ve done me personal harm, I abhor them.

      • MsMisery May 16, 2011, 8:12 am

        This is how I am. I am over the relationship, but I dislike the person. We tried to “be friends,” but that didn’t work out. It’s been 5 yrs since we broke up and he managed to be rude pretty much the whole time. I am supposed to be friends with someone who takes low blows at me on the internet, and the last time I saw him in person screamed “F*CK YOUUUUU!” across a room full of people at me? He acts like he has lingering bitterness towards me even though he did the breaking up and moving on to a new person first, so I’m not sure what his problem is.

    • Skyblossom May 14, 2011, 5:55 pm

      I was in a similar situation for years but now I have absolutely no emotions related to him at all. I think that when you reach that point you know you’re over him. I am curious to has his life has turned out but he isn’t on Facebook so I can’t just peek in to see. I’m assuming it hasn’t gone well because he was changing jobs every few months and was bad enough with money he kept moving because he hadn’t paid rent. He was bad news.

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  • Leyahn May 15, 2011, 9:36 am

    I just don’t like my EX. He gets all caps because while I have other exes, this one is my son’s father. Took me awhile to get over him – hung on to the wanting a happy family fantasy for too many years. But, I can honestly say, I just don’t like the man that he has become – self centered and misogynistic – he really has always been this way, but I got blinded by “love”, then a baby. I have minimal dealings with him – fortunately my son is 14 now and can have his own direct contact and not involve me in it.

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