Last week, I got the following email from a reader: “On your weekend open thread I saw one of the girls was moving in with her best friend, and I’m sure plenty of the readers have moved in with ‘friends’ or someone they LOVED to hang out with but who later drove them bonkers. I think it would be interesting to see a list of things to talk about before you become roommates with a person.” Well, ask and you shall receive (um, sometimes…); after the jump, 14 things to ask your potential roommate before you sign a lease together.
1. “Toilet paper: under or over?”
2. “Will your significant other be a significant presence in our home?”
3. “Morning showers or evening showers?”
4. “Reality TV marathons: yay or nay?”
5. “So, how are we going to divvy household chores?”
6. “What’s your ideal indoor temperature?”
7. “How do you feel about heavy metal on Sunday mornings?”
8. “How often do you think a bathroom should be cleaned?”
9. “Is your job stable, and if not, do you have an emergency fund to cover bills?”
10. “Can I borrow your blue Nanette Lepore dress some time?”
11. “You were planning to get rid of your pink floral couch, right?”
12. “How do you feel about throwing parties?”
13. “How do you feel about pet dust bunnies?”
14. “Sharing groceries: yes or no?”
![\"\"](\"https://d5nxst8fruw4z.cloudfront.net/atrk.gif?account=r/y/j1a0Sn00OI\")
SpaceySteph May 26, 2011, 12:08 pm
Number 6 yes so much. I lived with my best friend in college for 2 years. We had been friends since elementary school. God I wish we had discussed temperature. We started an A/C war… I like to be cold, she likes to be warm and also didn’t want to spend the money to air condition the place to 72 degrees all the time.
Eventually we figured it out, but we could have saved months of heartache.
caitie_didn't May 26, 2011, 2:51 pm
I saw the temperature thing and immediately went “OMG YES!”. I lived in residence in my first year of university with a girl who had been one of my closest friends (we’re now barely civil with each other- so that’s what I think of living with good friends lol) and she kept the heat on FULL BLAST till april. I’m hot all the time and can’t sleep unless it’s relatively cool so I was utterly miserable for our last two months in that dorm room.
SpaceySteph May 26, 2011, 5:28 pm
Thats a shame. We moved out and still retained our friendship, though it was rough in the beginning.
I also can’t sleep unless its cool. We made an agreement that it could be warmer in the evenings when we were hanging in the apartment (although I was a little uncomfortable) if I could leave it cooler overnight. But that was after months of me waking up in the middle of the night hot and turning the air down then her waking up in the middle of the night and turning it up… and us glaring at each other but refusing to discuss it to protect the friendship. Oh, to be young and stupid. For the record, not talking about your problems does not protect a friendship.
caitie_didn't May 26, 2011, 8:51 pm
It’s true. Our friendship certainly didn’t end because of the temperature of our room, but it was just one of those little things that contributed to an ever-growing pile of things that were going wrong there.
BoomChakaLaka May 26, 2011, 12:29 pm
I had a friend whose father was a real estate lawyer, so he drafted a literal “roommate” contract. It dealt with everything from how they were going to actually pay the rent to small things such as chores. My favorite part was the the actions to be taken in case one of the roommates breached the contract. It may have seemed like overkill, but they have a really good living situation going and I think its because the contract really spells it out.
Nikki May 26, 2011, 12:50 pm
By any chance, is your friend’s father Sheldon Cooper? Haha. Honestly though, that sounds like a great idea though. I’ve sworn to never have a roommate again, but life happens, so I’ll have to write up such a thing if I live with someone again.
BoomChakaLaka May 26, 2011, 3:15 pm
Lol. I feel sad that I had to google that name. That is a show I’ve always wanted to get into but never did.
Honestly, if I even move in with anyone, including a boyfriend, I might have to have one of those things drawn up. It really worked wonders.
Emsz May 26, 2011, 5:08 pm
That was my thought too! Although Sheldon’s room mate agreement is a bit on the insane side 😛
TaraMonster May 26, 2011, 12:48 pm
Oh I wish I’d had one of those! My biggest problem with roommates was not laying down ground rules before moving in together. I think a lot of problems arise in that transitional college-workforce roommate stage. In college you often share the same room, there’s isn’t always a kitchen, and sleep/school/work schedules tend to be all over the place. That’s why it’s fun. When I started out in the “real world” my living expectations changed- I needed more sleep, less partying, and someone who would do their own dishes (pet peeve!). But in college I was a little more laissez faire about things. Live and learn, right?
SpaceySteph May 26, 2011, 5:16 pm
I downloaded a sublet agreement from the internet one summer when I subleased my apartment to an aquaintance. It was nice just to have in writing that she would pay me on this day, and pay me for X utlities which were shared between the roommates, and that she would be out on X day so I could move back in.
Even if its not the most legal document, if you ever take her to Judge Judy, it does seem to go better if you have SOMETHING in writing.
anna728 June 1, 2011, 2:31 am
They made us fill those out (though not legal, of course) at the beginning of freshman and sophomore of college. I don’t think they did any good, though. It’s not like you could hold someone to it unless things were bad enough to need mediation, anyway (if then). I haven’t even got a clue what we said in it.
Laurel May 26, 2011, 12:34 pm
#2 has been a MAJOR source of conflict for almost all the people I know who are/were in roommate situations. Definitely work this one out ahead of time if you can. (And because it’s kind of unforseeable—what if your roomie starts dating a person you can’t stand after the lease is signed) it’s best to have groundrules established asap.
#5, my boyfriend’s last roommates actually got mad at him for vacuuming (during the day, not while they were trying to watch tv or something) because it was *too loud*. Oh, okay you’d rather live in your own filth, got it.
thyme May 26, 2011, 7:52 pm
Been there! Just as I was finishing cleaning the whole apartment by myself on Saturday afternoon, my roommate walked in the door and I told her, “I just mopped the kitchen floor and it’s still wet.” Then she proceeded to tromp through the kitchen, leaving dirty footprints behind her. I said, “Uh, that meant, ‘please don’t go in the kitchen right now’.” And she said, “Well, you can’t expect to monopoloze the kitchen all day!”
I JUST SPENT TWO HOURS CLEANING _OUR_ APARTMENT BY MYSELF AND YOU CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN FOR 20 MINUTES WHILE THE FLOOR DRIES??? Gaaaaahhhh I’m so glad I don’t live with her anymore.
Red_Lady May 26, 2011, 9:22 pm
Wow, what a bitch!
Fiarhaired Child May 27, 2011, 2:10 am
I had a male roommate who would do that to me. I would finish cleaning the kitchen then finish mopping and would even put something in front of the door way as a “blocker” and he’d walk all over it then be like “why is the floor wet? I almost slipped” … Uh because I just cleaned it thanks for the muddy footprints… lol
He was SO MESSY but I loved him anyway so we worked out even with the constant one sided cleaning. I pretty much claimed all loose change as mine when I cleaned – one day I made about $10 in coins. 🙂
Amy May 26, 2011, 12:35 pm
Re: number 6: My brother had a roommate his freshman year in college who made his spending money by selling pot. They went to college in Wyoming and in the winter sometimes it would be 20 or 30 below zero with the wind chill. My brother would come back from class to find the AC on – he would turn up the heat but next time he’d leave he’d come back to the AC on. Come to find out the roomate hid the pot in the heating vents… but my brother didn’t like having to wear a parka in his own dorm room.
anna728 June 1, 2011, 2:33 am
Even if he didn’t want to turn on the heat, he should still not turn on the AC… what a terrible roommate.
cmarie May 26, 2011, 12:38 pm
I moved in with my best friend from high school when we went to college. I loved living with her and for the most part we got along great. We’re still friends today so I guess that says something. However, my list of questions for new roommates now includes “how do you feel about me having my own life”. I love this girl to death but she was so possessive of my time and would get mad if I did something without her, especially if it was with someone she didn’t like. Also, I would need to know your getting ready for bed habits. When my partner washes her face she leaves the sink covered in water and if I get up in the middle of the night and have to wash my hands I always get soaked from leaning against the sink. We’re working on that though.
Bethany May 27, 2011, 9:28 am
I had this problem too… I lived with a girl for a few years in and after college and she just expected that when she was going out to the bars, I was going to go with her. When I made other plans, or went out of town to see other friends she would get so mad!! This was one of MANY issues we had…
atlimbo May 27, 2011, 11:23 am
Agreed. I had a roommate actually -kick me out of the townhouse we shared- because I started seeing someone/made some friends (when I moved in with the roomie I was brand new to the area, he was the only person I knew, but we hadn’t really known eachother since high school ten years ago) and he “wanted someone who was actually going to make this place a home”. He wanted a live in best friend, not a flatmate.
spaceboy761 May 26, 2011, 12:43 pm
@#4
When I moved in with my wife, I could almost deal with the Top Model marathons because I at least got to leer at tall, hot women. The Real Housewifes marathons are unfuckingbearable.
TaraMonster May 26, 2011, 12:54 pm
My boyfriend drove me cray cray watching Family Guy, which I like, but OMFG, 4th episode in a row, for the 5th day in a row!? Kill me! Same thing with the boxing matches (or the SAME boxing match where he studies technique). I’ve had enough. And I like boxing!
SpyGlassez May 27, 2011, 1:10 am
For my BF it is NCIS or House. I like both shows, but he can watch them for hours on end. After 2 episodes of each, I’m done.
atlimbo May 27, 2011, 11:25 am
I’m completely guilty of this with the Family Guy marathons every day (actually, I fall asleep to it, to be honest, so it’s running a lot). My live in boyfriend’s been really tolerant but I can absolutely here the exhaustion in his voice when he’s like “Family Guy? Ok, love…” XD
BoomChakaLaka May 26, 2011, 3:17 pm
My guy loves Two and a Half Men. I hated it at first, but then some of the episodes actually got funny. We also watch them two at a time and not 5 at a time like you TaraMonster!
Sarah May 26, 2011, 12:44 pm
#16 How much weed do you smoke in a room with closed windows?
#17 Hi, still on the weed thing. Can I buy you a fan? Do you have a phobia of window breeze?
#18 Seriously, I have put money away to buy you a fan. Industrial. Its meant for sweat shops. Let’s do this….No? Still comfortable with the eh, the closed window thing? Ok. That’s….that’s fine.
#19 Did you find your weed in between the breasts of an homeless prostitute, or is it just meant to smell that way? Ok, cool. Yeah, edgy, I get it.
#20 So….all my clothes smell like weed. My skin even smells like weed. My mom wants to have an intervention for me. I took my cat to the vet and she smelled like a Cheech and Chong movie. Nobody believes that I smell so much like weed from second hand smoke…. ANY chance you could crack a window?…yeah, the cops will smell it, right. No, no, I get it….eff the police, right? Ha ha…………….*sob*
Calliopedork May 26, 2011, 3:50 pm
I so hear you, I never knew I disliked weed until my entire house smelled like it. Damn roommates
thyme May 26, 2011, 7:59 pm
You are hilarious!
Britannia May 26, 2011, 7:12 pm
For these reasons, back when I was a pot enthusiast, I made sure that my roommates also smoked weed. A non-smoker sharing a house with someone who smokes weed is just generally not a good idea, not only for health and comfort reasons, but also for legal reasons.
Nicole June 10, 2011, 5:57 pm
It’s funny, I’m actually a non-pot smoker who lives with 2 pot-smokers currently haha. First time commenting, just to say that! I actually don’t mind the situation, because they are pretty considerate and the keep the air circulating.
Wendy May 26, 2011, 12:45 pm
Oh, god, this list makes me SO GLAD I live alone.
Red_Lady May 26, 2011, 9:27 pm
Same here. It’s almost balancing out the fact that my lease is renewing at a much higher rate next month. Almost…. just focus on the positives, right?
Bethany May 27, 2011, 9:31 am
after years and years of roommates, living alone was by far the greatest thing EVER. I played Freedom by George Michael on repeat for like 3 months. I remember my first morning at my new place, I walked into the bathroom and looked around- everything was exactly the way I’d left it the night before and I just had this moment where I realized that it would always be like that. It was amazing!
silver_dragon_girl May 26, 2011, 12:53 pm
16. What time do you go to bed?
17. Do you like to watch TV loudly after 11:00 pm?
18. Are you aware that our dorm room includes a vent directly between the living area and the sleeping area?
Otherwise a fantastic roommate, but she was completely nocturnal and I always managed to have an 8:00 am class. I can’t fall asleep in less than total silence. 🙁
justpeachy May 26, 2011, 12:58 pm
#16: How often do you do dishes? Immediately after they’re used or do you let them sit in the sink?
#17: Are things in the communal space OK for everyone to use?
#18: Who is in charge of putting the chain on the door at night so someone doesn’t get locked out?
Amber May 26, 2011, 1:53 pm
my roommates in college got in a serious arguement about #18, one person wanted it done at 8 pm and the other thought it should be 10 pm. It involved the two of them yelling at each other through a door just cracked with the chain still locked.
SpyGlassez May 27, 2011, 1:16 am
I share an apartment with my BF and my college roommate/best friend for the last 8 years. We divvied up chores when we all moved in – the BF is in charge of trash duty, I clean bathrooms, and my friend does dishes. BF sometimes gets on roommate’s case about the dishes in the sink, but I remind him that SHE is in charge of them, and they do get done. Besides, it isn’t like I don’t let the bathroom go a little long between thorough cleanings or like he’s never taken the trash down the day it ought to go. Sometimes this gets irritating, but overall we’ve worked out a system.
MissDre May 26, 2011, 1:05 pm
When you plug the toilet, will you use the plunger or will you leave a shit swamp in the bathroom for me to discover?
caitie_didn't May 26, 2011, 2:56 pm
amen to that! Also, when you use the last of a TP roll, will you replace it with a new roll or just leave the empty one there?
Aya May 26, 2011, 3:08 pm
My husband does that all the time. I tell him, “I can understand how this may not be as a pressing issue to you as you only use the TP once a day, but I use it every time I use the bathroom!”
Britannia May 26, 2011, 7:10 pm
I had to have the exact same conversation as my boyfriend! I went out and bought a roll holder so that we could have 3 backup rolls next to the toilet, which solved the problem of completely running out of TP, but for a while he also continued to leave empty rolls on the holder. When my polite requests didn’t do any good, I started leaving the rolls inside his shoes so that he’d have to throw them away. I only had to do that twice 😛
Bdubs629 May 26, 2011, 1:20 pm
Ah me and my roommate are having trouble with the dishes right now. We initially had four roommates total during the year and now for the summer it’s just two of us. We had a chat after the other two girls moved out that we were going to try and keep the place as clean as possible (we like having people over and the other roommates were EXTREMELY messy). We are about two weeks in and there has been a pile of disgusting dishes in the sink for almost those two weeks. I like to do my dishes right after I use them, mostly because I only own 4 plates and 4 bowls. She seems to be taking her time with the dishes lately and has moved onto paper plates because she has no clean dishes. Oh and we have a dishwasher, so I’m not understanding the hold-up.
MissDre May 26, 2011, 1:31 pm
That is the worst. When I was going to school in Toronto, I came home to Ottawa for 3 weeks over Christmas break. When I went back to my apartment in Toronto, every single dish in the house had been used and piled all over the counters since there was no more room in the sink. The garbage had not been taken out in 3 weeks and was overflowing and spilling onto the floor. The mail had not been picked up so 3 weeks worth of mail was scattered all over the front entry-way (we had a mail slot). I was FURIOUS!
I told my room mates that they’d better clean that shit up, but 2 days later it was all still there, I got so frustrated I just cleaned the apartment from top to bottom myself. Then my room mate comes home from a night of drinking and says “Hey, the place looks great!” Seriously? GFY!
Bdubs629 May 26, 2011, 1:35 pm
I think she expects me to just do the dishes, because I have done the “I’m sick of this I’m just going to clean it myself (for my own sanity)”. I think I’ll just let them pile up for now…her new guy has been stopping by every once in a while so maybe I’ll just let him see how she leaves things. Plus if he ever wants food here, paper plate!
SpaceySteph May 26, 2011, 2:18 pm
Ugh Miss Dre, thats awful. I mean if you’re not going to help, at least be truly and sincerely grateful of all that effort especially when you know it was your mess I cleaned!!! Similar story…
My boyfriend’s roommate is a slob. I wont go into detail, because its gross.
My boyfriend and I cleaned the place before his parents came to town (nice girlfriend that I am, I offered to help). Well his roommate comes out while I’m scrubbing the kitchen and is like “Oh you’re cleaning. What, do you live here now?” puts his dirty dishes in the sink I just cleaned, then starts watching TV. Later I overheard him telling my boyfriend he should keep me around so the place stays clean. What a jerk.
thyme May 26, 2011, 8:07 pm
EEEEEWWWWWWWW that’s awful.
Fiarhaired Child May 27, 2011, 2:17 am
Lol i had a best guy friend who I was hanging out with and he had to go run an errand for his GF so I was left in the apartment – and he had laundry going so I made sure (at his request) to hang up the clothes from the dryer once they were done sothey wouldnt get wrinkled
And since I was doing “laundry watch duty” I decided the clean the laundry room- which lead to me finding the vaccuum , which lead to me asking the roommate in the livingroom to take out the trash so that I could super clean. In the end they had clean “common areas” as well as laundry room and my friend had all his laundry done. When he returned he was like “bored much?” and laughed that I had been able to enlist the help of the unsuspecting roommate that was still there (who hardly talked at all anytime i went over). They thanked me and told my friend that he should “forget me” at the apartment more often.
SpaceySteph May 27, 2011, 3:14 pm
Wow you are the best friend ever. I hate cleaning, especially vacuuming. (Dear boyfriend bought me a roomba for our anniversary, best gift ever!)
I only clean under duress or for money. I was only helping because bf goes into freak out mode before his parents come visit. No matter how clean he gets the place, his mom basically acts like its a pigsty and she has to come visit to “take care” of him. I think it’s sweet, and encourage my mom to come clean my house whenever she feels I’m not doing it well enough, but he takes it as a vote of no-confidence as if she thinks he cannot take care of himself. Oh well, they only visit once a year!
Also, I politely hold my tongue and do not suggest that his home cleanliness could be improved by kicking out his slob of a roommate (in my mind’s eye, this guy has turned into an exact likeness of Jabba the Hutt). I just keep on cleaning.
Britannia May 26, 2011, 7:08 pm
It’s super passive aggressive, but I would wash her dishes in the dishwasher and then put them on her bed for her. It’s a tried and true roommate tactic, because obviously she just won’t get it that those dishes are in YOUR way until they’re in HER way. If she confronts you about it and/or leaves the dishes out again, put them on her bed again… this time, though, leave them dirty. I’m pretty sure that she’ll get the clue then.
Also, lock your door so that you don’t have to worry about retaliation!!
Bdubs629 May 26, 2011, 8:06 pm
We actually did that to one of our other roommates who used to make a mess with the blender. By the time she was done it looked like she had made a blueberry smoothie without the lid on. So I don’t think it would go over well if I did it to her then by myself!
SpyGlassez May 27, 2011, 1:21 am
I knew of someone who would put the dirty dishes in a garbage bag and leave them on her roommate’s bed when they got too piled up.
jena May 27, 2011, 12:44 pm
i once had a roommate who put dirty dishes in a cardboard box and put them on my bed. mind you, they werent even my fucking dishes, i was at work, and we had a dishwasher.
may i suggest you do NOT go that route unless you want your roommates male friends coming over and rubbing their weiners on her toothbrush (i didn’t do that, but i joked about doing it)
abby May 27, 2011, 9:22 am
That’s just gross. I may leave dishes for a day, two if they’re not disgusting (and the sink isn’t full) and I’m super busy, but any longer than that and they start to smell and attract bugs!
rainbow May 26, 2011, 1:20 pm
Also: how likely are you to adopt wounded/stray pets? is this going to be a temporal home, or do you plan to keep them?
I always let my potential housemates know that I might come home carrying a bunch of kittens I found in a dumpster any day. Yet some of them don’t take me seriously and end up saying “well… you said you always do it, and you might… but… I thought you didn’t mean it literally! you’re not going to keep them here, right?” “Well… yes! that’s why I made sure you knew I could” “I know… but… I thought you wouldn’t anyway. Please give them away…”.
I still don’t know why people don’t listen when you tell them who you are.
Taurwen May 27, 2011, 1:08 am
I’m soooo bad for bringing home strays. How does it happen? I don’t know. I was walking home from work and found a kitten/squirrel/budgie/etc. I’ve done this before, i Know what to do. If I have to get rid of it (obviously can’t keep a squirrel) I’ll do it. But you were warned.
AnitaBath May 26, 2011, 1:36 pm
It’s always the weird things that you wouldn’t expect. Like having a chore list is great, but time periods are usually better. Like, “After you use the dishes, what’s the maximum time you can leave them on the counter without cleaning them?” My ex roommate used to leave shit EVERYWHERE. When I asked her to clean it up or complained, she made it sound like I was a bitch because she was going to clean it up *eventually*. She didn’t seem to realize that leaving dishes in the sink for a month was completely unreasonable. If we had set a time period, like all clutter must be cleaned up within two days, that would have made things a lot easier (not that she would have done it, but then she at least couldn’t use that excuse).
What’s an acceptable amount of clutter to leave behind in the living room (ie, how clean should it be at all times), and what’s the time window in which it needs to be cleaned up?
Communal groceries usually don’t work out that well, because one person always eats more of one thing than the other person, and sometimes not at all. What I’ve found is better is to just have completely separate food and just know whose is whose. That way you can make sure you each get the type of milk you like and stuff. Sometimes things like milk, bread, and eggs are pretty easy to share.
How are the bills being paid and by when?
What devices do you not care if the other uses? For example, my ex roommate used EVERYTHING of mine. My printer (which was super annoying because she never paid for anything), my dryer sheets (even though she had her own), my perfume, my tampons, etc. As a safety net, I’d also establish proper protocol for paying back. Like, “Hey, if you happen to be out of something and need to use it, that’s fine, but don’t be offended when I hold you to reimbursing me.”
Drug use in the home, whether it’s allowed (even in their own room).
I live with my really good friend now, and the year has gone okay. We’ve never really had any problems, but we both shut ourselves up in our room so often and hardly see each other (neither of us are super social), that the “friend” aspect of it is diminishing. Hanging out isn’t novelty anymore, and since it’s not like we ever set many dates to go out and do things anymore, we just don’t hang out that much. I’m hoping things will go back to normal when we don’t live together anymore.
SGMcG May 26, 2011, 1:36 pm
Do you play videogames? How often do you go into Halo rage spirals? Do you mind trying to keep them to a minimum while my husband is napping please?
Sarah May 26, 2011, 1:46 pm
I used to play halo in the living room and the sound of the game/my maniacal laughter was keeping my roommates up. To compromise, I played on mute. The negative was that I could never hear the siren’s call of my victim’s last curse, the positive was that not having sound improved my halo instincts so much I became a GOD when I would play at other people’s homes.
SGMcG May 26, 2011, 1:52 pm
The sound of the game is not a problem. It’s when he’s playing multiplayer and his fellow Spartans are not doing their share in Invasion. I get that he’s working out frustration through the game, but what’s the point of yelling FUCK YOU at the screen when you’re not even wearing your headset/microphone?
spaceboy761 May 26, 2011, 1:57 pm
It’s just an instinct. I curse at the little hot dogs and rotten eggs patrolling the screen on my Burgertime (ask your parents) emulator .
Hell, if I’m playing MLB2K11 offline with nobody in the room and I get struck out by a really good curveball, I’ll say “Nice pitch, dude.” to the tiny electronic representation of Matt Cain.
SGMcG May 26, 2011, 2:05 pm
I’m not saying I’m not without my video game rage spirals myself. I get hysterical myself when trying to beat the second stage metaphor/monster in “Doki Doki Toshokan: Gatsby no Monogatari” for NES emulator. Yet if you’re going to do them when someone is napping, you could at least keep them to a reasonable volume and frequency.
spaceboy761 May 26, 2011, 2:44 pm
That game looks ridiculous! Did they just use the Doki Doki engine and paste in the Gatsby stuff? I’m a Fitzgerald fanatic and I can’t believe that I’ve never heard of this!
SGMcG May 27, 2011, 12:47 pm
I don’t know what engine was used, but I know that the creator of the game shared it after spinning his tale of finding it for $0.50 at a garage sale. As a Fitzgerald fanatic, you owe it to yourself to try itk, if only for the opportunity to fight a literary metaphor: http://www.greatgatsbygame.com
Personally, I’m looking forward to their retro remake of Jane Eyre. 😀
plasticepoxy May 26, 2011, 4:54 pm
i used to have burgertime for 16 bit nintendo. i stopped paying attention to video games after the introduction of the next model nintendo, whatever that was…but I remember burgertime!
plasticepoxy May 26, 2011, 4:54 pm
wait, did i mean 8 bit? i shouldn’t even try to contribute to a video-game thread…
dobby May 26, 2011, 5:11 pm
I LOVE BURGER TIME!!!!! A previous dog I had was MR. Pickle!!!
Sarah May 26, 2011, 2:08 pm
My rant used to go something like this:
IhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyou……AH HAHAHAHA! YES! SUCK MY DICK! SNIPER??! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
silver_dragon_girl May 26, 2011, 2:11 pm
…do you live with my boyfriend??
He does that while he’s on the phone with me. Just randomly starts yelling at the game. And then when I said, “ok call me when you’re done,” he was all “why?”
silver_dragon_girl May 26, 2011, 2:12 pm
On the other hand you have no idea how relieved I am to find out that other people do this!!! 😀
SGMcG May 26, 2011, 2:28 pm
I don’t play FPS games myself, but I will admit it is entertaining to see them on the screen and how the gamer interacts with it. Whenever my husband and our roommate go on missions together for Left4Dead 2, someone will always go into an Ellis soliliquy, “My buddy Keith tried camping out on top of a building once…”
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard about Keith during and outside of the game… O_O
BoomChakaLaka May 26, 2011, 3:23 pm
L4D sessions get so heated in my house. I usually have to close the door when my brother and sister go on missions. They also play it in the dark and then SCARE THEMSELVES when a zombie jumps out. Like WTF? You did this!
SpyGlassez May 27, 2011, 1:25 am
I know my bf is on StarCraft while we are on the phone because the pauses between his words get longer and longer, and then I hear a muttered “fuck.” At that time, I tell him I will talk to him later. I have tried telling him that if he would tell me he was playing, it wouldn’t bother me….it’s that he’ll start up a game. He doesn’t understand why it feels rude to me.
spaceboy761 May 26, 2011, 1:47 pm
Video game rage spirals are awesome. I wonder how much more respect my wife’s middle school students would give her if they could see her calling Princess Peach a “STUPID FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!” during Mario Kart sessions.
LTC039 May 27, 2011, 9:39 am
Oh-My-God. I used to do the SAME thing! I HATED Princess Peach, I used to call her a “Fucking Slut Bitch”… her stupid laugh as she smacks into you & runs you off the road is what gets you…
Britannia May 26, 2011, 7:05 pm
My boyfriend and I had to deal with this when we moved into the new house – he’s a General Grade 3 on Halo and spends a fairly large portion of the week playing. His friends play a lot too. I enjoy it and don’t mind it, but I only have an account to play Grifball, really.
The rules I laid down: The volume gets put at a low level and I put earplugs in when I go to bed and he’s still up playing. If his friends are there, they make a very good effort to not yell when I’m sleeping …. every once in a while, an aggravated grunt will escape them, but I know that they’re trying to be quiet, and the earplugs muffle most of the sound. If I’m fully asleep, I’m not woken up by it. The compromise works well for us 🙂
jena May 27, 2011, 12:47 pm
and in turn, how often do you nap during regular-people-are-awake hours? I used to have a roommate who would sleep from like 10-1pm and then 4-7ish. it bugged the shit out of me, because i had to be mouse-quiet during those hours or she’d get PISSED.
Amber May 26, 2011, 1:40 pm
Also talk with them about how long you see yourself living in the area and if either of you get a job out of the area or move for another reason what will the process involve. Do you want the person leaving to find a replacement you approve of, do you want them to just cover all fees so you can both break the lease early, etc. I wanted to get out of a lease early and my then roommate didn’t want me to pay for us to both get out or to find a new roommate, she had just decided that she wasn’t interested in moving or living with someone new, apparently she had gone in to the lease deciding she would buy after it was over and that I would be her last rommmate. However, she never told me that when we moved in together. I wished we had gone over how we would have each felt if we had to break the lease before we moved in together and had a game plan to go by if that happened. You never know what life events will force you to break your lease.
TheOtherMe May 26, 2011, 1:41 pm
1. Over
2. No
3. Only baths
4. Nay !
5. One week your turn one week mine
6. 74 º
7. Depends on the volume
8. every day
9. Sort of and yes but it’s not huge
10. Hell no
11. It’s a nice Bauhaus couch, so, Um, no.
12. Meh, once in a while ok
13. “Do.not.like.
14. Yes
15. No.
I would like to add #16 ” Would it bother you if I had “very loud sex ? “
Addie Pray May 26, 2011, 1:59 pm
I think we would make good roommies. My turn:
1. “Toilet paper: under or over?” OVER
2. “Will your significant other be a significant presence in our home?” NO BUT I WISH.
3. “Morning showers or evening showers?” MORNING
4. “Reality TV marathons: yay or nay?” NAY!
5. “So, how are we going to divvy household chores?” SWAPPING WEEKS IS FINE.
6. “What’s your ideal indoor temperature?” REALLY COLD. LIKE 55. I DON’T LIKE TO TURN THE HEAT ON IN THE WINTER, AND I LIVE IN CHICAGO. THIS MAY BE A DEAL BREAKER.
7. “How do you feel about heavy metal on Sunday mornings?” DON’T CARE.
8. “How often do you think a bathroom should be cleaned?” AS CLEAN AS MY ROOMMATE WANTS IT.
9. “Is your job stable, and if not, do you have an emergency fund to cover bills?” YES.
10. “Can I borrow your blue Nanette Lepore dress some time?” NO, BITCH.
11. “You were planning to get rid of your pink floral couch, right?” NO, IT’S FREE.
12. “How do you feel about throwing parties?” LOVE IT, ONCE IN AWHILE.
13. “How do you feel about pet dust bunnies?” DON’T LIKE ‘EM.
14. “Sharing groceries: yes or no?” YES IF YOU HAVE GOOD THINGS. NO, OTHERWISE.
15. “Are you a, what’s the word, ho?” I WISH.
16… NO, SO LONG AS I AM NO THERE.
TheOtherMe May 26, 2011, 2:14 pm
How do you feel about pets ?
Addie Pray May 26, 2011, 3:45 pm
Love dogs! Don’t tell Wendy, but I hate cats. They scare me. I can’t tell what they’re thinking.
_jsw_ May 26, 2011, 3:51 pm
That’s easy. It’s always “fuck off.”
Sometimes, it’s “I’m hungry, so I’ll purr and rub on you until you feed me, but then fuck off.”
Sometimes, it’s “I’m in need of affection, and there aren’t any better options here, so I’ll use you for a bit, but then fuck off.”
But it always involves that general sentiment. I say this as a cat owner and lover (and dog owner and lover). Cats can be awesome, but they’re very easy to interpret as long as you realize they’re always emoting disdain.
Addie Pray May 26, 2011, 4:30 pm
So true!
Rachelgrace53 May 27, 2011, 12:48 am
jsw, I just cracked up so hard, I had to read your comment aloud to my bf sitting next to me, just to prove im not totally crazy. He laughed as well. Never stop commenting here, ok? In fact, start your own blog too. You’ll have an immediate following!
RoyalEagle0408 May 27, 2011, 8:21 pm
Don’t encourage that. I have enough distractions at work.
TheOtherMe May 26, 2011, 4:13 pm
Oh Addie, we we this close to being a purr-fect match ! We could have been great roommates, I have a 3 bedroom condo with hardwood everywhere and a nice fireplace. No one above. But the cat has to stay.
MissDre May 26, 2011, 10:30 pm
Yes, my cats are like my babies! And they are never thinking “fuck off”. They follow me around everywhere, purring, sleep with me every night, and sit on my lap while I watch tv. They are truly wonderful companions. I always tell my mom that my cats are my soul mates 🙂
MissDre May 26, 2011, 10:32 pm
My older cat actually likes to lay across my boyfriend’s shoulders while we’re sitting at the dinner table. She just lays there and purrs in his ear.
Wendy May 27, 2011, 7:44 am
How dare you.
TaraMonster May 26, 2011, 12:56 pm
16. Do you sleep naked with the door open?
17. Will you leave naked Suicide Girls pictures of yourself on your laptop screen saver? (and then leave laptop open on the coffee table)
18. Will there be naked photo shoots on our balcony?
19. How much nakedness will be involved in our roommateship?
spaceboy761 May 26, 2011, 1:00 pm
Funny… I’d be surprisingly cool with all of these.
TaraMonster May 26, 2011, 1:11 pm
Lol. I actually was completely fine with it. I’m not weird about nudity. I love sitting around in my underwear. It did make for hilarious stories and she was, to this day, the best roommate I’ve ever had. But I just couldn’t resist putting it up. The first time I saw her vagina was a little surprising, I have to say (especially since I’d just walked in from work). And then when it happened again… and again, I was like… time to warn my guests they might see boobs and bush when I open the door!
TheGirl May 26, 2011, 1:24 pm
“The first time I saw her vagina was a little surprising”
That’s HILARIOUS.
BoomChakaLaka May 26, 2011, 3:19 pm
Wow, if I walked into this conversation hearing only that, I don’t know what I’d do. I guess I’d assume you were an OB/GYN, but then again, I might have started eavesdropping to wonder where you were going with this.
plasticepoxy May 26, 2011, 4:48 pm
I had a similar roommate. Most of her time at home was spent nude, she posed sex-kitten-style all over the apartment, tweaked her nipples in front of the mirror, etc (but for herself, not for a camera). I come from a pretty uh, conservative background as far as comfort with nudity; for myself and others. I credit her with an increase to my own self esteem and my comfort level with my body as well as the bodies of others. The first time though? I was so surprised, didn’t know where to look, couldn’t even say anything to her, funny memory now but MAN was I uncomfortable!
GingerLaine May 26, 2011, 1:20 pm
Your roommate was an SG??
SG name or it didn’t happen. (I’m so freakin’ nosy – I just wanna know so I can go see if I can see your apartment. And so that I can tell the hubs that one of the DW commenters roomed with an SG! I can just hear him now… “Soooo… anymore Suicide Girls on Dear Wendy?”)
spaceboy761 May 26, 2011, 1:37 pm
No shit. That site has been the hottest thing on teh intarwebz for years.
spaceboy761 May 26, 2011, 1:38 pm
Hey Wendy,
I smell a cross-promotion. I smell a cross-promotion hard!
-Spaceboy
Wendy May 26, 2011, 2:15 pm
I’m sure you do, spaceboy, I’m sure you do.
_jsw_ May 26, 2011, 4:01 pm
Dude, I agree with you, but we don’t need to know your state of arousal.
TaraMonster May 26, 2011, 1:58 pm
I actually don’t think I ever knew her SG name (i’ll get back to you on this!). She had blue hair back then and anchors tattooed on each wrist. That prob doesn’t help, but I’m doing my best w/o saying her real name, though I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t care about that either. I never “joined” SG bc you had to pay money to see the pics, and why would I do that when I got them for free!? That and not being particularly interested in SG to begin with. I also know she got annoyed about them not paying her or something and stopped putting her pics up there (tho she didn’t stop taking them!) This was all like 2-3 years ago. My how different my life is these days!
MissDre May 26, 2011, 2:31 pm
What is Suicide Girls?? With all this talk of nakedness, I am afraid to google this while at work…
spaceboy761 May 26, 2011, 2:39 pm
SG is the premiere alternative softcore porn site out there. Unless you work in a strip club, don’t.
Calliopedork May 26, 2011, 3:55 pm
i have a roommate who was going to be an sg, but they wanted to pay her like nothing for a trial 6 months. I wonder if thats common
GingerLaine May 26, 2011, 4:49 pm
From what I understand, it is. I had considered being an SG back in the day, but it just kinda fizzled out. Anyway, the way it works now is that they upload your set, and it goes into sort of a holding pool. If by the end of your “trial period” you’ve received enough views/comments/votes, they’ll move your set to the regular population & you get paid from that point. Before that, once accepted as an SG (or a potential SG) you had to just submit a set & hope the editors accepted it to be paid anything at all.
Rosie May 26, 2011, 2:20 pm
Oh good god I am currently counting down the days till my lease ends (1 month!) so I can get the heck outta dodge as my current roomie/former friend is literally driving me to insanity. I’ve had 4 roommates previously, all whom living with was near perfect with very minor issues, but this girl has made me decide that I will live on my own until marriage.
How was I supposed to know that a month into our lease she’d go batshit crazy after breaking up with her boyfriend (a close mutual friend) because he didn’t treat her like an actual princess, refuse to acknowledge that I was in a relationship and wasn’t comfortable going out prowling for men, and demand constant attention and coddling? I’ve never witnessed anything like it. That paired with her self-proclamation of being a clean-freak Betty Crocker but never actually cleaned anything has truly brought out the very worst in me. I have a very low-bullshit tolerance. As you can imagine this did not end well. We do not speak unless absolutely necessary. My house is a tense, scary place.
My greatest piece of advice to someone moving in with a friend is to have a very frank, open discussion with them beforehand about your habits and expectations. My biggest regret with my current roommate was not calling out her behavior consistently. I let far too much go in the beginning, assuming she was a decent human with manners and consideration for others, but learned after many months of cleaning up her shit and listening to her moan in ecstasy at all hours of the night, that she doesn’t and I should have nipped it in the bud by saying something sooner rather than later. Don’t let problems snowball! Talk about something with them immediately before it becomes an allowed behavior that is impossible to fix after you let them get away with it for months. You’ll save yourself SO much stress and probably keep the friendship in tact as well. And if they aren’t responsive or at least try to be to your requests, they aren’t the friend you thought they were and you’ll be far better off without them once the lease ends.
But my greatest advice would be live by yourself. 😀
cmarie May 26, 2011, 2:28 pm
Oh, and “Do you sleepwalk/talk in your sleep?”
When we lived in a dorm, my friend would have conversations with me in my sleep. She said I woke her up one night during finals because I was studying in my sleep.
When I get stressed I sleepwalk. One night, my roommate when to go to the bathroom, during finals of course, and I scared the crap out of her because I was sitting in a tub full of water, fully clothed.
Sarah May 26, 2011, 2:37 pm
If I walked in on you like that I would start screaming and never stop.
callmehobo May 26, 2011, 3:20 pm
I had a roommate who managed to sleep make out.
SLEEP MAKE OUT.
We would watch movies with her boyfriend and every once in a while she would start kissing him and then we would have to wake her up. Awkward.
TaraMonster May 26, 2011, 2:35 pm
The fact that you were fully clothed is pretty creepy! And hilarious! I’m not sure which is winning for me right now.
cmarie May 26, 2011, 2:54 pm
It gets creepier, I was laughing. Which I actually do a lot in my sleep. What? I have happy dreams…
I think it’s only fair that if I’m going to complain about the people I’ve lived with I should be honest about my failings as a rommate.
Marie May 26, 2011, 2:37 pm
I’m having a hard time with my roommate right now and I am not sure why. After about 6 months of living together he just stopped being friendly. I’m one of those roommates who is hardly ever there, I usually stay with my boyfriend probably 4-5 nights a week. I don’t cook and will usually just eat cereal. I always wash up, and never leave a mess and am also friendly when I see him but usually when I’m home I just want to read and fall asleep. I get the feeling he was expecting someone to be his friend and hang out a lot and talk quite a bit and that is just not the way I am. The last thing I feel like doing after working for 13 hours is to go home and talk more about work. Now he is being super unfriendly and cold and I feel like I have failed as a roommate. I think having an expectations about how much this is a friendship and how much this is a pure living situation thing is super important. I had moved into a house with a bunch of people as a craigslist random for a few months and then me and this guy got our own place after the lease was up, didn’t realize I was signing up to be a BFF. But maybe I am reading this whole thing wrong, I’m a scientist and my social skills aren’t exactly up to par. (which is why reading this blog is awesome and super helpful). Anyway never having a roommate ever again I have decided.
Sarah May 26, 2011, 2:42 pm
You’re getting laid and he’s not.
He’d also probably like you to sleep with him.
spaceboy761 May 26, 2011, 2:47 pm
Yup and yup. Funny how it always comes down to banging.
cmarie May 26, 2011, 2:50 pm
Or maybe he had herpes and he’s jealous that you don’t, therefore you can bang at will…
_jsw_ May 26, 2011, 9:06 pm
I would like to point out that not having herpes and being able to bang at will are not necessarily the same thing.
cmarie May 26, 2011, 11:37 pm
True, but if I wasn’t actually in a relationship with him I probably wouldn’t casual bang him….herpes is forever
Marie May 26, 2011, 7:23 pm
I didn’t mention he’s gay 🙂
_jsw_ May 26, 2011, 9:04 pm
Well, I’d offer to send him naked pics to cheer him up, but apparently that’s improper, according to other threads.
spaceboy761 May 26, 2011, 2:46 pm
“I’m a scientist and my social skills aren’t exactly up to par. ”
Holy shit! Are you Marie Curie?!
caitie_didn't May 26, 2011, 3:00 pm
Hey! Some scientists have decent social skills! :P. And I’m a molecular biologist, which is pretty epically nerdy (in my own opinion, anyways).
Marie May 26, 2011, 7:25 pm
also a molecular biologist!!! I think I used to be normal but now it seems the more time I spend with cells and the less with people the skills have just been declining exponentially.
caitie_didn't May 26, 2011, 8:54 pm
ahahaha!! And this is why I’m leaving basic science for community health/epidemiology!
Calliopedork May 26, 2011, 4:10 pm
I have the same problem, my roommate and I were friends before but I like to be alone in my room when im home. We arent really friendly anymore and she is making it awkward for me to see our other mutual friends now
Elizabeth May 26, 2011, 2:54 pm
My first roommate situation post-college was with a sorority sister. Me, her, her sister all lived together and for the most part it was fine. UNTIL #1 happened. My friend dated this COMPLETE DB who couldn’t get a real job and literally stayed at our house every day all day and monopolized our TV with the Cubs. The messy room (the sister) and I bonded together to be like dude wtf, but nothing came of it. This guy watched our house while we were all in Hawaii for a wedding and guess what: he slept with THREE DIFFERENT CHICKS at our place. Total Dbag. and yet he was STILL around. istillhatehimsomuchitmakesmecrazyandit’sbeen3years.
Anyway, a good roommate situation (well, as long as we could manage messy sister) was ruined by this DB. However, now much later, my good friend (now db-less) owns a condo 6 doors down from mine 🙂 She would have been the best roommate ever if not for the DB part.
#15: so true. Next set of two roommates: one literally had different guys over every week. Not happy with the loads of strangers. Or her complete lack of hygeine/houseupkeep. Or that nasty little cocaine habit.
LTC039 May 26, 2011, 3:01 pm
I have nothing to contribute to this…I still live at home :/
BoomChakaLaka May 26, 2011, 3:26 pm
Same here! Doesn’t this thread further reinforce the fact that living at home may have been the best decision ever?
I usually want to move out because my commute is ridic long and because I want some alone space for the BF and I.
LTC039 May 27, 2011, 9:31 am
Ha! Maybe we live in the same city! My commute is disgusting to ANYWHERE I want to go. All my friends, my boyfriend, my school, etc.. are one the wayyy other side of town. It’s a good 40-45 minute drive. The only thing that’s semi-close is my job, but even that is about 20-25 minutes. It def. cuts my social outings during the week, because I really don’t want to drive 40 minutes to go out somewhere, stay out for a couple of hours, & then drive back home, when I have to wake up early for work. It sucks 🙁
Emsz May 26, 2011, 5:21 pm
Me too. Sometimes I think about moving out, and then I think of the cost, and decide against it 😛
LTC039 May 27, 2011, 9:26 am
Yessss. Really, I work & go to school, & the city I live in is WAYYY expensive for renting. A small studio can run you about $600-$800/month & a one bedroom $1,000/month & that usually doesn’t include electricity… With my income, it would be impossible for me to move out, even with roomates (a 1 bedroom with 2 people? Nahh!)
My parents are very generous & never give me a hard time, a curfew, or anything of the sorts so yeah, needless to say, I’m pretty happy I still live at home. 🙂
McLaughlane May 29, 2011, 10:35 pm
Yeah, I still live with my mom at the moment as well. I will be until I finish my bachelor’s (in december, if I pass everything!), then I am moving in with my fiance a few hours away. I know it’s a good idea to live alone for a time before moving in with your significant other, but this is socal, who can afford it these days? :/
caitie_didn't May 26, 2011, 3:09 pm
So, I spent most of my undergrad living with the same three girls who I love dearly but WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER LIVE WITH AGAIN!! They were all utterly filthy and would do things like leave dishes piled up for months, leave food in the fridge for months on end (even after it had gone really bad), make spaghetti sauce on the stove and not clean up the splatters after they were done, never take out the garbage, leave the toilet after it got clogged and overflowed etc etc. My one roommate smoked pot in her room with all the windows closed, and she also broke a really nice teapot belonging to me (that had been a gift) and never replaced it. Oh, and they NEVER gave me money for the bills on time.
My favourite, though, was that my one roommate’s boyfriend would stay at our house 5 to 6 nights a week. We had one bathroom between 5 people and he would take a 45 minute shower every morning and make either me or my one roommate late for class. I was PISSED by the end of my fourth year.
So my list of questions would also include:
– what items (kitchen supplies, groceries, bathroom supplies or whatever) are communal, and which are individual?
– what is the approximate length of shower that you take?
– will you ask me before you borrow my stuff, and return it promptly (i.e. within a day or two)?
– do you flush your tampons down the toilet or throw them in the garbage? (flushing caused major plumbing problems in a house that I lived in).
– how often do you have guests and how long do they typically stay for?
– do you lock the door when you leave the house or assume someone is home and will do it for you?
– what is your policy on sex noises?
spaceboy761 May 26, 2011, 3:17 pm
Why pray tell did you agree to live with them for four years? That sounds hellish!
caitie_didn't May 26, 2011, 9:00 pm
That’s a good question, actually. Chalk it up to being young and naive and hoping they would all grow the eff up, I guess? Also, they are genuinely nice (for the most part) people and we did have a lot of fun together.
Christy May 26, 2011, 3:58 pm
I lived in a house with five other people (once, 5 girls, once, 4 girls and a guy, and once, 4 guys and a girl) in college, and our biggest problem was getting the dishes clean. Honestly, I don’t care about much, so long as I can use half of the sink to wash my own dishes. I’m looking forward to finishing grad school and moving out of my mother’s house (again). I like having roommates. Pay rent on time and I don’t care about the rest.
Starla May 26, 2011, 4:24 pm
So glad I live alone. Don’t think I could ever go back to shared living. Whatever London rents are!
dobby May 26, 2011, 5:03 pm
Of course, if the person who is moving in turns out to be a manipulative, lying, thieving con artist then the above list is pretty much useless.
Had a “friend” who I had know for a few years move into my house a little while ago. Wanted to be nice, help her out, she was in a bit of a spot. Talked with mutual acquaintances about it, got positive feed back. Talked about all the important stuff with her, had the lease, etc.
Bitch moved in and took over my house! It was un-freaking-believable. (I own the house and rented out a room and bathroom to her). Messing with my stuff, going through my papers, books, etc. Rearranging my furniture because she liked it better that way. She would take my dog into her room and shut the door and not let my dog out. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
The “friend” I had know was NOT the controlling, crazy-ass person who moved into my house. Lasted all of 3 months and I kicked her ass out (thank goodness for that lease – 30 days notice and she was gone). I’m still trying to recover financially (she broke dishes, furniture, tv remote – didn’t pay for any of it; ran up my heating bill to more then double – was turning up the heat when I was out then turning it back down before I got home – and, yes, I had made it clear to her before she ever moved in that the heat didn’t go above XX because it was too expensive to heat the whole house. When I would get home I KNEW the house was too warm but when I checked the thermostat it had the correct setting. Caught her red-handed doing that by coming home early and unannounced one day.).
And if I had to have one more “talk” (read that “lecture from her”) about everything I was doing wrong and how I needed to change my behavior and how I gave her “dirty looks” (which upon further inquiry turned out to be that she was mad because one day when I came home after a 10-hour work day, she said hello to me and I didn’t respond quickly enough to her greeting) and how I wear expensive clothes (yes, and I work for the money to buy those clothes sweetie) and how I don’t take good care of my dog and how I mistreat my dog (um, my dog is on a 100% organic diet, carefully measured, goes for 2 daily walks plus dog park on weekends, monthly “spa day” for grooming, perfect weight, very happy critter) and on and on…
AND she never paid the last month’s rent and then told people how horribly I had treated her. And now I run into her in social situations and she acts like nothing happened and we are the best of friends and tells everyone what a big person she is for “forgiving” me and the horrible way I treated her. What a psycho-bitch-from-hell I had to deal with.
Sorry this is so long but it felt good to vent…whew… 🙂
Britannia May 26, 2011, 5:50 pm
My biggest questions, after the cleanliness, tidiness, and communal property questions, of course (which are huge problems), would be:
What will the policy be on strangers/randoms being in the house?
How often are people allowed to stay over?
What will be done if one of us or one of our guests destroys something in the house?
I’ve had boyfriends/roommates in the past who think that I won’t mind if I come home from a long day at work or school and discover a group of people I’ve never met before sitting on my couch and eating the food I was planning on having for dinner. I’m a very private person and I don’t like having strangers inside my house – I’ve had jewelry and clothes stolen, and my refrigerator always seems to end up empty. If people I know and trust, but aren’t my friends, want to hang out with my roommate? Fine, cool. But I don’t want people in my house that I don’t trust!!
One of my boyfriends had a friend who was really hardcore down on his luck and had nowhere to stay. He told us before I agreed to him moving in that he would be able to move out within a month, as soon as his job started paying him. Well, it turns out that he didn’t actually have a job lined up! He mooched off of me (my boyfriend was already doing it), ate the food in the fridge and never cleaned the house, while staying over for months. I told him after the 2nd month or so that I didn’t want random people in the house even though he was living there (and please, find your own apartment ASAP!), but later on he started bringing girls from the bar home to have sex with and then the girl would awkwardly say “Hi… bye” to us, sitting on the couch, as she walked out. It always left a horrible taste in my mouth.
Multiple times in my experience, roommates or their friends have broken my stuff and been unable to pay for it, so they expected me to just let it slide! Such stuff includes a window, a television, lots of plates and glasses, decorations around the house, and one time my entire makeup collection — someone spilled a Gatorade all over my bureau. Also, my boyfriend destroyed my car while moving it so that someone could park in the driveway (not on a road or anything), and didn’t have insurance so I had to pony up all the money. It’s been really frustrating.
I’m so glad to never have to rent again!!!!!
fast eddie May 26, 2011, 11:22 pm
My wife and I only have one rule: Whom ever cooks the other one does the dishes. Our single biggest fight was over how to carve a ham. We didn’t talk to each other for 3 days over that one. Now she leave me to carve any way I wish.
Bethany May 27, 2011, 9:39 am
We have that rule in my house too (at my fiance’s suggestion)! I love it!!
However, when his family comes over for dinner, they always try to clean up for me because they have that rule too, and I just think it’s weird to have someone else clean up when I’m the host, so I don’t let them.
CJ May 27, 2011, 12:33 am
Thank you, thank you, thank you! To Wendy and everyone else that posted questions and stories.
A good friend and I are starting to look for apartments together and I know that we’re compatible in many ways, but I’ve been looking for a good list of “Rules To Cover Before Moving” and you guys have given me a great list. So THANK YOU ALL!
Fiarhaired Child May 27, 2011, 2:06 am
YAY this is my email request!
RoyalEagle0408 May 27, 2011, 8:25 pm
“Will you leave for 2 1/2 months, allowing a “friend” (who turns out to be a complete stranger you found on a couch surfing website) to stay in your room for 3 of those weeks and then return with your mother who you say is staying for 6 weeks but stays until I move out 8 months later, when you evict me with 28 days notice? And will you then completely screw me over and steal my key to the building because you refused to give me the $50 key deposit and then will you screw me over for security deposit as well, refusing to put anything in writing because I was never “accomodating” to you while living there? And by “accomodating” you mean, I didn’t go out of my way to be home to help your mom with her cell phone when you disappeared for another random month?”
Kare May 27, 2011, 11:49 pm
Animals.
I am an animal lover, but I never had pets in college. If your potential roommate has animals, figure out things such as “How often is the litterbox going to be changed?” (my old roommate thought every 2 weeks for 2 cats was fine….) and “If your dog shits all over the house, how long will it take for you to clean it up?”
theattack May 31, 2011, 9:19 pm
I agree with this so much! I had a roommate who would only take her dogs out if she happened to want a cigarette and didn’t mind holding their leashes. I can’t tell you how many times I found poop in my room, in my bathroom, even in the shower. Even more frequently I would step in pee, which was so gross when I was only wearing socks. The house always smelled like urine, and there were usually two or three pools of it sitting around. If she was home, I would wait a couple of hours before picking something up to see if she would do it, but she rarely did. I would pick stuff up right in front of her, and she wouldn’t do anything. She also didn’t feed them enough. Sometimes she would run out of food for them and not buy them any for four days. I bought her dogs food a lot because I felt bad for them. Even if she did have food for them, I would have to put it in their bowls because they were whining and hungry.
Then my next roommates had two dogs that they never bathed. They stunk SO bad, and they would hop up on everyone’s furniture (even in my bed, though that’s not something I allowed), so everything smelled like dog. It was nauseating. One of them was a huge boxer/pitbull combination, and he would jump on everyone undisciplined. He could have killed me if he’d wanted to with his strength.
So, check on how much the person takes care of their dogs AND how disciplined they are. Express how much you’re willing to help take care of the animals.
McLaughlane May 29, 2011, 10:39 pm
This is a good list of questions. I will fill it out for fun. 🙂 Besides, a lot of these are good to discuss with my fiance before we move in together, since we are planning to do so within the next year.
1. “Toilet paper: under or over?” OVER. Snarrrrlllllll.
2. “Will your significant other be a significant presence in our home?” He and I are planning to move in together next year, so yes, we will be a significant presence in our shared apartment, haha.
3. “Morning showers or evening showers?” morning
4. “Reality TV marathons: yay or nay?” Nay nay nay NAY! I am considering the idea of not buying cable at all, actually, because I don’t like watching TV, and my fiance doesn’t watch it much either.
5. “So, how are we going to divvy household chores?” If I cook dinner tonight, you wash the dishes. If you cook dinner tonight, I will wash the dishes. I also don’t mind vacuuming. As for other chores, we will see what comes naturally to each of us before divvying things down the middle
6. “What’s your ideal indoor temperature?” my fiance and I are seriously the exact opposite of the sterotype. He is always too cold, and I am always too hot. I prefer things in the range of 68 to 72 degrees, lol.
7. “How do you feel about heavy metal on Sunday mornings?” if you don’t mind me dancing around the house in my underwear to it, then knock yourself out
8. “How often do you think a bathroom should be cleaned?” Once a month at the minimum. If it gets particularly messy between the two of us, then once every two weeks or more if necessary.
9. “Is your job stable, and if not, do you have an emergency fund to cover bills?” Well, I am trying to find a good summer job ATM (I always take so many classes each semester that it makes it difficult to have a job along side my studies), but federal jury duty for the entire month of july is putting a crimp on that
10. “Can I borrow your blue Nanette Lepore dress some time?” if my fiance wanted to wear one of my dresses, then…well, whatever makes you happy, honey.
11. “You were planning to get rid of your pink floral couch, right?” If I ever somehow accidentally came into possession of such a thing, I would be delighted to be rid of it. So yes.
12. “How do you feel about throwing parties?” small parties with people we both know well, I suppose that’s ok. My social anxiety issues make me not much of a party person. I never throw parties, I wouldn’t even know wtf to do. “Welcome. Um, soda’s in the fridge. Want to watch Finding Nemo? No? Um, ok…”
13. “How do you feel about pet dust bunnies?” only if you keep them outside. If they turn into dust raptors, we will have a problem.
14. “Sharing groceries: yes or no?” yes. unless you eat all of something and don’t share it with me, then I might get a little cross with you.
15. “Are you a, what’s the word, ho?” nope
anna728 June 1, 2011, 2:28 am
…I think I might have been the girl they were talking about who was moving in with her best friend, and I got some lectures. But I have already lived with her for a year and a half!
Anyway… #6 is so important. I get cold inside so easily if it’s even a few degrees colder than I like. I was always battling with one of my housemates this past semester (who I didn’t choose to live with- student housing, coming back from a semester abroad). I admittedly put it a bit warmer than maybe is average, but whenever my housemate thought it was too warm, he wouldn’t adjust it by a few degrees, he would just turn the heat off altogether, even in February! I’d have set it to like 72 or something and I would wake up and it would be 45 in the house.
Kare June 4, 2011, 2:52 am
My old roommate would freak out about wasting electricity and turn it off if it was too hot (above 60 during the winter). My other roommate that lived upstairs had ice in her room!
Oddy December 12, 2011, 8:32 pm
Wow i had no idea how much needed to be considered! I am in my second year at uni and i am moving in with two friends and one of their boyfriends next fall. I feel i am now fully prepared for this living arrangement such that i can properly execute awesome living agreements!