Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

15 Things to Never Do on a First Date

Aw, first dates. It’s been well over five years since I went on one, but I still have “fond” memories of some of the more interesting ones. There was the guy I met on MySpace (ugh, I know) who called me a whore because, ironically, I refused to go back to his place after drinks. There was another guy who chain-smoked through our entire two-hour date β€” literally, one cigarette after another after another β€” even after I told him how much I hated the smell. And then there was the time a blind date gave me a schmaltzy poem he wrote about me along with with a box of chocolates and some flowers (sweet on maybe a third or fifth or seventh date, but a little much on a first date, don’t you think?). Because we’re all prone to making a few gaffes now and then, check out 15 more things never to do on a first date, after the jump.

1. Show off your appendectomy scar.

2. Mix tequila and wine.

3. Brag about how many pull-ups you can do, how big your salary is, or how easy it is for you to get laid.

4. Flirt with the waitress/waiter.

5. Share your prescriptions.

6. Invite your date to your high school reunion.

7. Call him by the wrong name.

8. Order anything with garlic.

9. Complain about work/ not having work.

10. Ask if you look fat.

11. Drag him to a Jennifer Aniston movie.

12. Bring her an expensive gift.

13. Text other people.

14. Discuss your unhappy childhood.

15. Trash-talk your ex.

What more can you think of?

131 comments… add one
  • Shell August 16, 2011, 12:05 pm

    Say that your mom suggested that you bring her flowers…which you chose not to do.

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    • thyme August 17, 2011, 7:47 pm

      ahahaha…. personal experience?

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  • PFG-SCR August 16, 2011, 12:11 pm

    Be an emotional mess.

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  • Sarah August 16, 2011, 12:17 pm

    16. Jerk off while giving me angry stares in your parked car at the park when I told you nothing was going to happen that night…..yeah….that….that happened.

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    • Bethany August 16, 2011, 12:29 pm

      OH MY GOD.

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      • melikeycheesecake August 16, 2011, 12:45 pm

        There are no words!!!!!

      • Ladybug August 16, 2011, 2:03 pm

        Oh I don’t know…”creepy” and “disgusting” come to mind rather quickly.

    • robottapocalypse August 16, 2011, 1:02 pm

      So why did you stick around long enough for the angry stares, and were you in the car?

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      • Sarah August 16, 2011, 1:27 pm

        He was my ride and it was in the middle of the night….to be honest I was just so shocked I couldn’t move! It was like all the sudden I was trapped in the car with a leopard…..a horny leopard. Btw, it was a blind date ladies, just a warning.

      • Mainer August 16, 2011, 1:31 pm

        You let a blind man drive on a date?

      • TheOtherMe August 16, 2011, 2:03 pm

        Hahaha !!! Mainer you’re adorable !

      • Maracuya August 16, 2011, 1:45 pm

        Must’ve been pretty awkward to tell the friend who set you two up…

      • Maracuya August 16, 2011, 1:49 pm

        And also, wait…did he drive you home after that?! Awks.

      • Jena August 16, 2011, 1:50 pm

        Oy. Never let a stranger drive you anywhere on a first date.

      • sleepy August 16, 2011, 2:00 pm

        You should have called the cops on him for indecent exposure. That is so horrible. I would have lost it.

      • mcj2011 August 16, 2011, 2:46 pm

        I saw that in a movie. That’s awful..can’t believe people would actually do that.

    • Natasia Rose August 16, 2011, 12:47 pm

      I think this belongs on the “15 Things to Always Do on a First Date”

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    • Budjer August 16, 2011, 1:46 pm

      Maybe he thought if he jerked off furiously enough you would be turned on.

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      • callmehobo August 16, 2011, 2:11 pm

        Is this enough rage for you?? IS IT??!?! I AM SO HOT I DON’T KNOW IF I WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU OR PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.

      • TheOtherMe August 16, 2011, 5:07 pm

        Furiously or ardently ?

    • Eljay August 16, 2011, 5:02 pm

      WOW….just wow.

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  • Jiggs August 16, 2011, 12:26 pm

    Bring her a ‘hooker’s licence’ fake ID from Spencer’s because she is a minor and it’s funny, right?

    Yes, seriously.

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  • Bethany August 16, 2011, 12:28 pm

    Along the lines of texting other people- Don’t leave your phone out on the table (unless there is some crazy situation like you’re waiting for a call about a sick family member or friend).
    You don’t look important when you do this- You look like a douche.

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    • Riefer August 16, 2011, 12:51 pm

      Some guys do that because they carry it in their front pocket, and it’s not comfortable when they sit down.

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      • robottapocalypse August 16, 2011, 1:00 pm

        Some men wear pants made for men with pockets that actually hold things comfortably. While our pockets could hold eye liner, they do not, and can then hold phones, lighters, knives and flashlights. You know, man stuff.

      • Mainer August 16, 2011, 1:23 pm

        We could probably add “have a knife and flashlight in your pocket” to the list as well. But I guess it depends on the date. If you’re boar hunting at night, then I guess it’s okay.

      • Budjer August 16, 2011, 1:48 pm

        Idk…I’m a fan of tight jeans and my phone fits in my pocket perfectly fine…getting it out of said pocket is, however, a pain in the ass when doing it repeatedly which isn’t the case on a date anyways.

      • Mainer August 16, 2011, 2:02 pm

        I just hate having things in my pockets. I stopped wearing cargo pants in high school and I don’t wear baggy pants with 3 gallon pockets because I’m not a douchbag, so usually if something is in there it’s not comfortable when you’re sitting. When I go out I bring my license, credit card, house key, and phone. Phone comes out when I sit down, but it goes over by the salt shaker and I don’t check it or play with it. If it’s a first date, I probably won’t even bring my phone.

      • Princess Bananahammock August 16, 2011, 2:42 pm

        Sounds like you need a murse, dude.

      • robottapocalypse August 16, 2011, 9:15 pm

        I know right.

      • Budjer August 16, 2011, 2:17 pm

        Typically same for me…I also opted for a money clip rather than a wallet because I can’t stand sitting lop-sided. I also fill my money clip with ones and put a 20 on the outside and leave it on the table.

      • XanderTaylor August 16, 2011, 2:49 pm

        Seriously? You put your money clip on the table? Do other guys do this?

      • Budjer August 16, 2011, 2:54 pm

        No…I was making a joke at inflating the amount of money it appears I have by putting a bunch of $1 bills inside of the $20 on the outside.

      • Mainer August 16, 2011, 2:59 pm

        That’s better than me, I use monopoly money.

      • XanderTaylor August 16, 2011, 3:11 pm

        I ignored the inflating your money part on purpose (I hoped you were kidding about that….), but for whatever reason I thought you were serious about putting your money clip on the table. Lol Thanks for the laugh!

      • TheOtherMe August 16, 2011, 2:56 pm

        That wouldn’t work here, our smallest paper bill is a fin πŸ˜‰

      • Budjer August 16, 2011, 3:01 pm

        haha those ladies would see right through me πŸ™

      • TheOtherMe August 16, 2011, 3:04 pm

        We do however have “Canadian Tire” money, that could work.

      • robottapocalypse August 16, 2011, 9:18 pm

        I wouldn’t be so sure you’re not a douchebag if you can’t fit at least a phone and a wallet in your pockets. They don’t have to be 3 gallons, but when people can see a quarter in your pockets, you’re a probably douchey hipster with chicken legs.

        Hell, even cowboys with their tight-ass jeans can carry a wallet and car keys.

      • robottapocalypse August 16, 2011, 9:25 pm

        I’m sorry, I guess I just don’t understand you city slickers. I come from a land where straight men are expected to be able to fix things and use tools. Sometimes we actually carry the most useful tools at all times due to training in how to deal with general issues that may come up requiring more than a house key, money clip and iPhone (see scouting). I forget how cool androgyny and material helplessness are in the densely-populated areas.

      • Lydia August 17, 2011, 4:33 am

        You don’t think it’s a little sexist to only expect that from straight men?

        (I can’t tell if you’re sarcastic or not, so I’m replying on the assumption that you’re not.)

      • Mainer August 17, 2011, 7:42 am

        Well us “city slickers,” which thank you, that is the first time I’ve heard that term since the 90s, recognize that when we’re out to eat, the manager is not going to ask if anyone dining this evening has any tools with them because one of the pipes is leaking in the basement. I’m sure the fantasy of standing up and being a hero among men because you happen to dine with a tool belt is well played out in your head, and your date will be ever so impressed that you are fulfilling the role that so many have come to expect from your Land of Straight Men. But the issue is not over “material helplessness.” It’s over the fact that I don’t like sitting on a wallet. Maybe that’s not an issue for you. Maybe the contents in your velcro army camouflage wallet include your license, Burger King coupons, your library card, and an expired AAA membership card. Who knows. So the issue was never that our pants are so tight that we can’t fit a wallet or phone in there, or that you may be able to see a quarter. It was simply that we prefer not to have one of our ass cheeks uncomfortably propped up on a wallet, and when I sit down to eat, I do so with the comfort that maybe, if I’m lucky, there will be another patron dining who carries “the most useful tools at all times,” thanks to his extensive training, and he is willing to “deal with general issues that may come up” while I enjoy my calamari with my date.

      • Neil G. August 17, 2011, 11:01 am

        I’m with you on Mainer. For some reason I’m just not comfortable if I have my wallet, my phone and my keys stuffed in my pockets while sitting down, and like you don’t carry around a multitool/pocket knife/flashlight clipped to my belt like some would be MacGuyver. I too take my wallet, phone and keys out and set them aside, generally out of line of sight. I make sure to not fuss with the phone and not draw attention to the wallet and that’s never been a problem in the past. Oh and SHOULD the need to use tools arise for whatever reason I keep a perfectly good Black’n’Decker tool kit in the trunk of my car.

      • Budjer August 17, 2011, 11:03 am

        Real men ride horses instead of driving cars…

      • Caris August 20, 2011, 1:15 am

        This made me laugh, a lot.

      • Bethany August 16, 2011, 1:56 pm

        I think most women can tell if they’re doing it for comfort purposes or “I’m so cool, I have to see who’s calling/texting at all times” purposes.

      • MissD August 17, 2011, 8:45 am

        I had this happen on a date, and I didn’t think anything of it because the keys and wallet went on the table along with the phone. You really can tell. Also, though, some things not to do…don’t say your job is boring, especially when I’ve asked some open-ended questions to show that I’m interested. Remember, if you don’t think you’re interesting/have something to offer, how in the hell are you going to convince someone else of that?

    • Morgan August 16, 2011, 12:59 pm

      And some ladies do that because their iphone doesn’t fit in their super cute clutch. Not that I would ever do anything so incredibly impractical. Nope.

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  • Kate August 16, 2011, 12:32 pm

    Deliberately not pick up the check when it arrives, and when the other person doesn’t either, express disapproval and make a point of saying that you think it’s proper for them to pay since the date was their idea.

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    • SpaceySteph August 16, 2011, 1:50 pm

      I’m one of the thumbs downers… if its your idea, you should pay. Even if you’re “the lady.” I could agree with giving him maybe like a quick head start in case he wants to pay, but if he doesn’t move for it, you have to step up if it was your idea. If you truly can’t afford it, then suggest you split it.

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      • soandso August 16, 2011, 6:03 pm

        so why thumbs down her if you agree?

      • soandso August 16, 2011, 6:04 pm

        oh nevermind – head is somewhere else…

      • Maracuya August 16, 2011, 6:05 pm

        Well, it sounded (since this was things never to do on first dates) like Kate was saying that if they’re the guy, they should pay even if the date was her idea.

      • soandso August 16, 2011, 6:16 pm

        yeah, I reread it. πŸ™‚

  • parton_doll August 16, 2011, 12:44 pm

    Invite your friends on your date (after your date has driven over an hour to see you) and then, after your friends leave, only stay another 15 minutes or so before you leave yourself.

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  • robottapocalypse August 16, 2011, 12:56 pm

    Move in together. Oh wait, I forgot that people on here do that and think it’s smart.

    Demand to know more about his dead brother. Oh, oh there it is again.

    Demand a better present… no, nope

    Give your friend a b.s. reason why she can’t be in the wedding with your new date. oops, there’s another one.

    Be proud of ballooning…. again, I digress

    Try to look like a poster on his wall… Hmmm.

    Get angry that he likes porn. There’s the one I’m gonna go with.

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    • lemongrass August 16, 2011, 1:09 pm

      superiority complex much?

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    • L August 16, 2011, 1:16 pm

      If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

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    • Sarah August 16, 2011, 1:31 pm

      Do you not have enough chances in real life to complain to women who have wronged you that you have to air your grievances here? That’s all I get from this post.

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    • Flake August 16, 2011, 2:14 pm

      Not a single one of those was done on a first date, since you seem to get all technical.

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      • robottapocalypse August 16, 2011, 9:27 pm

        True, but at least you get the reference.

    • Landygirl August 16, 2011, 2:34 pm

      Somewhere in America, there is a bridge that is being unguarded.

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      • justpeachy August 16, 2011, 3:23 pm


      • TheOtherMe August 16, 2011, 3:24 pm

        Sheldon Cooper!

      • Quakergirl August 16, 2011, 6:52 pm

        I’d tell you I have a huge girl crush on you for saying that, but perhaps that would be inappropriate until after our first date. What say you, robottapocalypse?

      • robottapocalypse August 16, 2011, 9:28 pm

        totally appropriate.

    • Blitzen August 16, 2011, 3:29 pm

      Another woman-hater. Why you frequent this site is beyond me. But what do I know, I’m just a stupid woman.

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      • robottapocalypse August 16, 2011, 9:30 pm

        I love that the references to the last week’s worth of letters are the things you associate with womanhood, and I’m the woman hater. That says a lot more than I did in my original post.

      • Blitzen August 16, 2011, 10:37 pm

        No, the LWs just happen to be women, as is usually the case in this site. Occasional tough love is one thing, but I’ve noticed from your past comments that you hardly ever have anything constructive to say, you just spew vitriol. Who are you kidding..

    • Jshizzle August 16, 2011, 8:23 pm

      I had to go on an extended drive with a co-worker I didn’t know at all. I learned that both his brother and father-in-law died in tragic circumstances. Things like that are impossible to not mention if you are together for long enough, I think.

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  • atlimbo August 16, 2011, 12:13 pm

    17. Tell her she reminds you of your 9 year old daughter (true story, folks).

    Though on “2. Mix tequila and wine.” – I did that once and we ended up having a really good time until we were both super sick. Epic first date (of coffee but then we wanted to keep talking through dinner and then drinks at the bar in another neighborhood so there were cab rides and getting lost and learning our way around a city we’d both lived in for years and then the bar tender dared us to do tequila shots because we were both fuddy duddies and known as such at said bar) of hours of conversation/drinking/total rad fun ended with us both sick as a dog in his apartment watching sci-fi movies until the next morning. We ended up dating for over a year.

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  • xtini August 16, 2011, 1:44 pm

    Don’t take her to Burger King. Especially if it’s on Valentine’s Day. And definitely don’t make her pay for both of you. (True story)

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    • Ally August 16, 2011, 2:41 pm

      Definitely not for a first date, but man I sure love it when my SO takes me to Burger King now πŸ™‚ Yum!

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      • xtini August 16, 2011, 8:59 pm

        Can’t argue with you there!

  • Britannia August 16, 2011, 1:46 pm

    Be rude or snobby to the waiter/tress and leave a shitty tip… Or none at all.

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    • SpaceySteph August 16, 2011, 2:11 pm

      Ooh, yes. Being rude to waitstaff tops my list of things that will kill your chances of a second date. How you treat a waiter says so much about you, like if you’re putting on an act for me but are secretly a douche.

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      • Budjer August 16, 2011, 2:20 pm

        what if the service is undeniably horrible? I’m never rude to the wait staff, but I can’t tip well (typically I do 20-25% (depending) with good service) if that’s the case…and it does happen once in a while.

      • Britannia August 16, 2011, 2:31 pm

        I tip 15% if the waiter sucked at his job… as long as the food ended up on my table and I did have a few glasses to drink, 15% as a bare minimum is fair… that guy has to make rent and eat too, you know. I usually tip 20% for good service, and I will leave 20% AND call the manager to compliment the waiter if they do an exceptional job.

        As long as the waiter showed up at all and wasn’t insulting to you — along the lines of, “Oy, why are you ordering chocolate cake? You’re too fat for chocolate cake” — then they definitely deserve a tip.

      • Budjer August 16, 2011, 3:46 pm

        A waiter is good to me if the order is on the table and he makes an effort to make sure my drink is full. Pretty easy to please! Bonus points are earned for being personable / funny or courteous and professional depending on the venue.

      • TheOtherMe August 16, 2011, 3:51 pm

        You had me at ” drink is full “

      • Britannia August 16, 2011, 2:33 pm

        I agree. I have never, ever continued to date a guy who was rude to service staff ANYWHERE… be it in a hotel, restaurant, store, or otherwise. Barking orders, being snooty, not tipping them… to me, that says that you think you’re better than everyone else and do not appreciate the luxuries afforded to you, and that you are selfish and uncompassionate. I will never date a guy who I think is self centered or doesn’t understand that other people are PEOPLE too.

      • parrt August 16, 2011, 6:19 pm

        But you’ll date people who overcompensate by leaving large tips as a means of showing how much money they have, and what a big shot they are?

        A waiter is not doing me a fucking favour by bringing me my food and water at a restaurant. That is his or her fking job.

        Tipping only exists in western cultures.
        See in other countries people do a good job because…they’re paid.

      • callmehobo August 16, 2011, 6:42 pm

        But, waitstaff salaries are much lower in Western cultures to compensate for tipping. A waiter or waitress is very rarely paid minimum wage here- it is expected for their tips to be the bulk of their pay.

      • robottapocalypse August 16, 2011, 9:33 pm

        Different states have different minimum wage laws, but often you are correct. Waiters receive significantly less than minimum and may be taxed based upon expected tips from their sales.

      • Britannia August 16, 2011, 11:35 pm

        Waitstaff here in the United States are paid well below minimum wage. To make assumptions simple, they are paid by the restaurant to stand around and be available for customers, and they are paid by the customers to actually provide service to them. It’s not fair, and waitstaff should be given a real salary they could actually live off of… but unless you *want* to be an inconsiderate asshole while in the United States, you tip your waiter.

      • SweetChild August 17, 2011, 1:13 am

        Actually, I live in a western country and we do not tip here. It’s a US thing that has caught on in other countries to a certain extent.

    • AKchic August 16, 2011, 5:49 pm

      I am known for being a great tipper. Granted – when we go out to eat and bring the kids, I feel bad. With four kids, we are a BIG order. I can guarantee that there will be some food on the floor (one kid is 2 now). Only a 15% chance of a glass (in any stage of fullness) being knocked over, bumped into, etc.

      At the very beginning when we are seated, I slip the server $5 and whisper “please do not mention a dessert menu at all”. Unless it’s a special occasion – we don’t get dessert (especially since the kids are usually stuffed half-way through their meals anyways) at a restaurant.

      Our food bills at a place like Applebees or TGIFridays usually is around $60. Sometimes a little more depending on what appetizers or if one of us ordered a beer or something. Usual tip (including that $5) – $25-30. It is worth it too. Kids are happy, servers are always happy to see us, etc.

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  • Princess Bananahammock August 16, 2011, 2:01 pm

    In connection with #5 – definitely don’t say you have these prescriptions because you were suicidal and your mom forced you into treatment and promised she wouldn’t let you die . . . I can deal with someone who needs meds, but not with someone who thinks this is appropriate first date conversation. That was not what I meant when I asked him to tell me about himself.

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    • thyme August 17, 2011, 7:57 pm

      Man, but now I bet you’re glad he told you that right away. Bullet dodged!

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  • TheOtherMe August 16, 2011, 2:07 pm

    Don’t ask her if she thinks your “number” is too high.

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  • SGMcG August 16, 2011, 2:09 pm

    Purposefully trying to skip out of the restaurant bill and trying to make your date also do so in the process.

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  • Marie August 16, 2011, 2:15 pm

    On a first date,don’t kiss a girl then tell her that’s the way you kissed your ex(es)
    (this happened to my best friend)

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  • Addie Pray August 16, 2011, 2:21 pm

    Shit, I have shown my knee scar on first dates. And as a general rule I complain about work, so I’m sure I’ve done that on a first date too. Also, I tend to overdrink when I really like the guy or am bored or nervous (ie, always), and then it gets embarrassing, fast. FML.

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    • Valerie August 16, 2011, 3:31 pm

      I showed my knee scar to my now fiance on our first date! πŸ˜€

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      • Addie Pray August 16, 2011, 4:46 pm

        Good to hear! Knee scars are very sexy, I think.

      • Britannia August 16, 2011, 5:06 pm

        I show my scars, too, whenever people ask. I have a really gnarly one that wraps around my torso, from my stomach to my upper back. I don’t mind showing it off, and I see no reason why scars should be something be ashamed of!

    • missmolly August 16, 2011, 7:05 pm

      Yeah my ex showed me the scar on his shoulder on our first date, I thought it was hot.

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    • Bethany August 16, 2011, 10:04 pm

      I love scars and hearing the stories about how someone got them! You can learn a lot. My fiance is a surfer and has some cool scars from hitting reefs while surfing!

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    • Painted_lady August 17, 2011, 12:59 am

      I think the only scar I’d be freaked out about would be a really recent scar. In which case I guess that’s technically still a wound.

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      • Britannia August 17, 2011, 2:43 am

        I think there’s a big difference between somebody being like, “Hey, wanna see my scar?” and pulling up their shirt before getting my consent, and scars coming up in conversation, the person mentioning that they had one, and then showing me it once I asked if I could see it. The former is kinda creepy and off-putting; the latter is socially acceptable and good for conversation.

    • beans629 August 17, 2011, 12:06 pm

      Scars are tattoos with better stories. πŸ™‚

      Read that once on a shirt and thought it was a cool way to think about it.

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  • Landygirl August 16, 2011, 2:35 pm

    Whatever you do, DO NOT have sex on the first date, guys just hate that. They’ll think you’re loose and easy. πŸ™‚

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    • Amber August 16, 2011, 3:41 pm

      I disagree on that. My hubby and I had sex on our first date and it was GREAT! We’ve been married for over 5 years now (which anymore seems like a record).

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      • Landygirl August 16, 2011, 4:59 pm

        I was teasing. This was a topic on DW last week.

      • SweetChild August 17, 2011, 1:17 am

        I got it. πŸ˜‰

  • Landygirl August 16, 2011, 2:37 pm

    Oh, and whatever you do…DO NOT get drunk and vomit on your date, it’s not fun for your date or the cabbie whose car you tossed your cookies in. True story.

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  • Kelli August 16, 2011, 3:37 pm

    I love Jennifer Aniston, that was not fair

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    • SweetChild August 17, 2011, 1:18 am

      Jennifer Aniston movies are universally awful. It’s just her playing her in slightly different situations.

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  • AliceInDairyland August 16, 2011, 4:18 pm

    How about… don’t ask a girl out to dinner, then when you meet up say you have just eaten. So then… don’t take the girl to Noodles & Company, coerce her into ordering food (which you won’t let her pay for herself!) and then awkwardly watch her eat while failing to provide the lead on conversation…. resulting in super-awkward silences as I try to eat my Macaroni and Cheese as quickly/not awkwardly as possible.

    OR… how about… don’t light up a cigarette the second you start walking me home…. and then basically blow smoke in my face the entire time…

    OR OR… how about…. don’t take me on a tandem bicycle ride at 10:30pm at night… I would probably think this is awesome had it been at a different time of day/not a first date/he wasn’t already being kind of weird.

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  • spot August 16, 2011, 5:01 pm

    suggest what kind of hard drugs would be best for her to try (i was advised shrooms)

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    • robottapocalypse August 16, 2011, 9:34 pm

      Shrooms are hard drugs?

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      • Britannia August 16, 2011, 11:37 pm

        To people who have never or will never experiment with them, I guess they can be considered “hard”. As for me, when someone mentions “hard drugs”, my mind immediately jumps to PCP and meth… but then again, I come from a different place than someone who has never done drugs.

      • Pinky August 17, 2011, 11:54 am

        Only the shitaki ones. Put them in a stir-fry and they’ll mess you up, man.

    • SweetChild August 17, 2011, 1:21 am

      Ew, how about say that you really want to try P (crystal meth in US parlance) just to see if you can not get addicted to it. I *may* have over-revved the engine somewhat when I drove away from that d-bag…

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      • Britannia August 17, 2011, 2:45 am

        Yeah, that shows a serious lack of critical thinking and inability to connect oneself to reality and consequences to actions. I’d GTFA from him in a hurry too.

      • SweetChild August 17, 2011, 6:05 am

        I think I shot him a pretty disgusted look too. πŸ˜€

  • AKchic August 16, 2011, 5:55 pm

    Don’t complain that your last date went bad because you couldn’t get “Sparky” “juiced up” (yes, he said that!). Then started bitching about how his last girlfriend dumped him because he wouldn’t quit his 420 rituals (the guy was 38) and since they broke up, he had to move back in with his mom.

    I did wait until after we left the all-you-can-eat buffet before I told him that chronic pot smoking CAN cause erectile dysfunction in ‘ol sparky for some guys.

    As a side note: I almost beat the friend who thought it would be a good idea to set me up on that date.

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  • soandso August 16, 2011, 6:08 pm

    my current boyfriend texted and answered phone calls all during our date. He was on call for work so I understood – sometimes people need to use the phone. I didn’t hold it against him and here we are over a year later still together and happy.

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    • Bethany August 16, 2011, 10:06 pm

      I think it goes without saying that a Dr on call is an exception to the rule of no texting.

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  • AKchic August 16, 2011, 7:02 pm

    Ooh! I thought of another one.

    Don’t tell your date that you would like to further the spread of “Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome”.

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    • callmehobo August 16, 2011, 10:10 pm

      Seriously? Obscure zombie reference on the first date?

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    • Budjer August 17, 2011, 8:50 am

      Wait…it was a problem that he was a zombie nerd? Or that you were dating a super villain intent on turning the masses into his zombie slaves?

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      • callmehobo August 17, 2011, 6:18 pm

        See, I think it was the super villain thing. But you should probably be in at least a semi-committed relationship before you start hashing out your zombie-pocalypse emergency plan.

  • Elle August 16, 2011, 6:24 pm

    Don’t stick your fork in my plate without asking for permission. We just met 10 minutes ago, we’re not there yet :). You probably intend to pay for that, but guess what? It’s mine now. And I intend to pay for it myself, since I don’t want to feel like I owe you anything.
    Don’t ask me about other guys I’m dating because you’re competitive and want to know how you stack up against them. You honestly expect me to answer that question? My mind just blew, I can’t.
    Don’t drink more than your date.
    If your date doesn’t reciprocate your feeble attempts at PDA, don’t keep making them. Maybe those two glasses of wine you drank in half an hour slow your reaction time, but really?

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    • AKchic August 16, 2011, 7:01 pm

      Agree! A first date is not a drinking contest (unless you met at or are going to an actual drinking contest). If someone declines a drink, do not keep insisting that they NEED to have one. Don’t tell them “it’s okay, you can have one”. For all you know, they might be a recovering alcoholic, allergic, or taking medications that prohibit them from drinking.

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    • Britannia August 16, 2011, 11:40 pm

      I’ve been in a relationship for over a year, and I still hate it when he sticks his fork in my food! Damn it, you have your own plate! Ask me for a bite instead of just helping yourself! I know it’s irrational, but it peeves me. Call it… an irrational idiosyncrasy. I would probably stab at their hand with my fork if they actually tried that on the first date.

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  • Painted_lady August 17, 2011, 1:06 am

    Don’t not have a plan when you call her up, then when the plans she made end up not working out, tell her she better have another plan or you’re just going to drive her around for three hours. And then drive her around for three hours.

    Well, technically, it was only an hour. Then I realized he was serious and told him to take me home. I didn’t even want to go on the date after he told me I had to plan the whole thing – I don’t mind planning part of it or making a team effort – but I went because he was my mom’s best friend’s son. I was so mad at her for guilting me into it.

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  • Painted_lady August 17, 2011, 1:11 am

    Also, don’t spend the vast majority of the date talking about your erotic art. Seriously. As in, erotic art that you made, and usually of yourself. I don’t want to hear about why you think the black and white photo you took of yourself with an erection isn’t pornographic but rather a statement about gender identity. Nude photos – even artistic ones – are a conversation that should be saved for, at best, the third date.

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    • SweetChild August 17, 2011, 1:24 am

      Hahaha, oh dear. Best one. πŸ˜€

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  • ape_escape August 17, 2011, 2:51 am

    don’t take me to a crappy restaurant then tell me that post-dinner activities planned include “an adventure” wherein you want to go “hiking” at a park at 10:30 at night.

    yeah. definitely faked a friend’s emergency phone call to get out of that one as quickly as possible.

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  • RoyalEagle0408 August 17, 2011, 10:31 am

    I would definitely mention how many pull-ups I can do on a first date. Fitness is my main hobby, so it’s a huge part of my life. Plus, my hands are usually torn to shreds, which I often feel the need to explain…

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