In the forums the other day, a LW described meeting a guy in person whom she’d been chatting online with for over a year. She says that after they decided to meet, she flew to his state, they had dinner, he walked her back to their hotel, and they had unsatisfying sex. The next night she checked out of the hotel and stayed at his place, where he told her she was welcome to share his bed or have the couch, which she thought was rude. In addition, he asked her to clean the bathroom she used before she left, she paid for everything herself, and he pushed buying a “grandma bag” on her when they were out shopping. She told him she wasn’t interested, he insisted all ladies are interested in bags, and then she jokingly told him she wasn’t a “lady,” she was transgender. Oy. They went back to his place, he immediately called an uber and kicked her out, she felt bad and wondered if she was wrong to joke about being transgender (yes, but it’s really beside the point). After reading about this ill-fated meetup, I liked Fyodor’s suggestion about having some sort of standing post we can refer people to to figure out whether or not they should be emotionally investing in a relationship.
Without further ado, here are 15 times you should NOT emotionally invest in a relationship:
1. You have not yet met in person.
2. You know you want kids, he knows he doesn’t.
3. He tells you he “doesn’t really know what he wants,” which is code for: “I don’t want a relationship, but I still want to have sex with you sometimes, so I’m pretending that maybe there’s a chance I’ll commit even though I know there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell.”
4. He won’t tell you where he lives.
5. He reminds you of your ex.
6. He just got someone else pregnant.
7. He refuses to get an STD test.
8. He’s mean to your dog. Or, worse, his dog.
9. Keeps calling you by his ex’s name.
10. The only time you hear from him is when he texts late at night: “What are you doing?”
11. He’s taking a job in another country in a few weeks.
12. You’re in your early 20s and he’s over 30.
13. You’re over 30 and he’s in his early 20s.
14. He voted for Trump.
15. And doesn’t even regret it. Girl, run.