I get a lot of emails from readers asking how to know when they’ve found “the one.” You may be surprised to learn that it isn’t when you feel like you’ve found your best friend or when you can picture growing old together or when all your friends and family tell you how they’ve never seen you happier. Nope, here are some true signs that your search is over and you’ve really found “the one” this time.
1. His name starts with a J just like your ex, so that tattoo on your back is still totally applicable.
2. He thinks cellulite is “cute.”
3. You’re due for a full physical and he happens to have very good health insurance.
4. Her mother’s a tad annoying but she lives on a different continent…and she doesn’t speak a word of English!
5. He regularly says, “The remote’s all yours” and means it.
6. He spells words out correctly in his texts.
7. She shares your disdain for theme parties and overly sentimental holidays.
8. He orders French fries with all his meals just so you can eat them off his plate.
9. When you go out with your friends, he refrains from calling it “girls’ night out.”
10. You’re nearing 40, dying for biological kids and he’s got killer sperm and a willingness to change diapers.
11. His friends and family are all married so you’ll never have to sit through a boring wedding… until the second round of marriages start.
12. Your salad plates already match his soup bowls.
13. He’s very rich and very old (near death, in fact!).
14. You both want to name your firstborn Joaquin (whether it’s a boy or a girl).
15. She talks nonstop but it doesn’t matter because you’re hard of hearing.
16. You both want to honeymoon in Cooperstown NY, home of the baseball hall of fame.
17. You both prefer speaking in pig latin.
18. You met at Burning Man and everyone at Burning Man is, like, your soulmate.
19. Um, he has a French accent, hello?
20. You always have a great time with him during your conjugal visits.
theattack February 26, 2013, 2:02 pm
“You’re due for a full physical and he happens to have very good health insurance”
BAHAHAHAHA!!! okay, going to keep reading now…
Rangerchic February 26, 2013, 2:07 pm
Re #5 ~ My husband always hands me the remote!! He has a few favorite shows but otherwise doesn’t care…so he must be the one! LOL 🙂
ChemE February 26, 2013, 4:38 pm
I never get the remote. But my husband knows he has to rotate our shows 🙂
csp February 26, 2013, 2:22 pm
so, some of these are real?
iseeshiny February 26, 2013, 2:41 pm
#4 and #19 are actually why I married him. Don’t you judge me.
beelzebarb February 26, 2013, 3:18 pm
lets_be_honest February 26, 2013, 3:30 pm
Your husband has a French accent?! JEALOUS
Fabelle February 26, 2013, 2:48 pm
Oh god, #6 is totally a thing. Ask the guy I made out with once in a bar, only to never speak to him again after his texts made me flinch (hi qt wat r u up 2 ;)) NOOOO
Also, #11…UGH. I’ve been to a million weddings this year, & still have a million more because of my damn boyfriend & all of his friends.
TaraMonster February 26, 2013, 5:07 pm
I recently had a guy tell me he was intimidated to text me because I use punctuation in my texts. Serious face.
Brownie February 27, 2013, 2:21 pm
Diablo February 26, 2013, 3:00 pm
Wendy, i think you forgot, “He bought a giant box of condoms just before his ex broke up with him, so we’re all set.”
othy February 26, 2013, 3:37 pm
My cousin actually married a guy who turned out to have the exact same dishware set she did.
othy February 26, 2013, 3:38 pm
Oh, and they met on Craigslist. But don’t judge – he’s actually a great guy!
Cleopatra_30 February 27, 2013, 4:02 pm
Hahaha nice, i totally think #8 is a winner though, at least in my mind:P
Cara February 28, 2013, 5:24 pm
Joaquin is a really pretty name! Damn.
ricky June 29, 2013, 7:07 pm
He brings your favourite coffee everyday when he comes to pick you up from work and sometimes even buys your favourite bagel.