The other day, I posted a list of 20 things you can always say to a significant other. Afterward, a few people requested that I write a list of things you shouldn’t say, since that’s what might get you into more trouble. Well, I aim to please, so after the jump, 20 things you should never say to a significant other (unless you don’t want to be together anymore).
1. “What do you think of my new mullet?”
2. “I’m giving you up for lent.”
3. “Would you mind proofing my dating profile?”
4. “I don’t think it’s contagious.”
5. “I don’t care, whatever you want. It doesn’t matter to me.”
6. “My ex always liked it when I did that to her.”
7. “Your best friend is so fucking hot.”
8. “But it didn’t mean anything, I promise.”
9. “Have you gained weight?”
10. “Let’s stay in and watch ‘Jersey Shore’ tonight.”
11. “I just got us tickets to see Justin Bieber!”
12. “You sound just like my mother.”
13. “Do you want to come back to my place and listen to me play my new ukulele?”
14. “I hope our baby doesn’t get your nose.”
15. “Oh look, there’s a house for sale right next door to my parents!!”
16. “It’s not you; it’s me.”
17. “Will you do it if I trim them?”
18. “If you want details, you can read all about it on my blog.”
19. “You were cuter online.”
20. “Actually, I’m married.”
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_jsw_ March 17, 2011, 12:31 pm
For some reason, while reading this list, I was struck with the realization that, on another site, such a list would involve 20 clicks through a gallery, with each page containing just one line and an accompanying iStockPhoto pic.
Thank you, Wendy. Thank you for not doing that to us. I am completely behind any advertising you add here, knowing you’ll never become that extreme.
MissDre March 17, 2011, 1:21 pm
OMG I friggin HATE that! I never click through, if it’s a gallery I just close it!
silvii March 17, 2011, 2:30 pm
Agree too. Simplicity makes a good website. I’ve been reading tips on blog sites improvement and one of the tips that kept coming up was ease of navigation and a simple space.
lindseylee March 18, 2011, 1:25 pm
NO KIDDING lol
SGAC March 17, 2011, 12:40 pm
Slightly related to #12, another thing that shouldn’t be said by your significant other:
“You remind me of your mom/sister/or any other highly inappropriate sexual relationship.”
I cringe and the comparison now, and I would FREAK if this was said to me after getting intimate.
elisabeth March 17, 2011, 12:44 pm
5. “I don’t care, whatever you want. It doesn’t matter to me.”
This is my favorite. It’s something I had to learn – it’s so easy to be passive when you don’t mind either way. But not minding and not caring are two different things, and sometimes you’ve got to make the decision just to have a decision made.
Now that *I’ve* learned how to avoid being passive, I get on dates for being passive! lol
ReginaRey March 17, 2011, 12:46 pm
#21. “Whoops! That girl we had a threesome with? Yeah, she’s pregnant.”
Eagle Eye March 17, 2011, 12:51 pm
Ha, amazing…
maynard March 17, 2011, 1:07 pm
“Thanks for the birthday gift though!”
princesspetticoat March 17, 2011, 3:37 pm
I want to thumbs up this a million times.
silver_dragon_girl March 17, 2011, 1:03 pm
Just popping in to say that the green hat on your banner is AWESOME. 🙂
Oh, the list is good, too. Though I’m trying to figure out what #17 is talking about…I probably don’t want to know….
maynard March 17, 2011, 1:07 pm
I was thinking a beej
WatersEdge March 17, 2011, 3:04 pm
I was thinking specific to the testicular region? not to be too clinical, idk, “nuts” always icks me
_jsw_ March 17, 2011, 1:08 pm
A lot better than my first thought, which was toe sucking.
Anne (I Go To 11) March 17, 2011, 8:58 pm
I thought it had something to with nose hair. Then I wondered if there were people out there who have some sort of nostril fetish. And then I realized I’d be better off NOT thinking about those things.
thefierycrash March 17, 2011, 1:12 pm
14. “I hope our baby doesn’t get your nose.”
actually, i think my boyfriend would be completely justified in saying this. it would most likely be me saying i hope it doesn’t get my nose though. and if she does, there’s always surgery!
LSS86 March 17, 2011, 3:56 pm
Hah, the worst my boyfriend has said to me is “I hope our kids don’t get your eyes.” But that’s because I have terrible vision and his is perfect.
ScrambledMegs December 16, 2011, 2:31 pm
My boyfriend told me the other day that he hopes our kids get a combination of our ears because his are too small and mine are the perfect size but “they look like they’re trying to escape from your head” because the stick out a little. So sweet haha…I never should have pointed that out to him, he claims he never noticed before.
absurdfiction March 17, 2011, 1:04 pm
22. “I’m still not in the mood. Ask again in a couple of weeks.”
Budj December 16, 2011, 1:46 pm
“We have young children / babies – ask again in 5 years”
AKchic March 17, 2011, 2:29 pm
*laugh*
Some I’ve heard over the years:
“can you clip my toenails for me?”
“there’s no way I got you pregnant, we had that threesome with that chick” (I’m still trying to figure out how the hell he figures a woman got me pregnant)
“I think it would be sexy if you got my name tattoo’d on your ass. That way everyone would know you’re my property” (my 1st ex-husband – one of the many reasons why he’s an ex)
“your sister’s 16 now, she’s legal to have a threesome with” (again, 1st ex-husband)
“you’re wearing that?!” (in response to me wanting to wear jeans to my 2nd wedding)
“you made that look so easy. Did it hurt?” (2nd husband asking me about the delivery of our son, my 3rd, 2 days after birth)
Of course, my 2nd ex-husband did make my day a few weeks ago. He said:
“you’ve ruined other women for me. I can’t find any other woman who likes guns, cars, hates girly stuff and can carry an intelligent conversation. All I can find are airheads. None are as smart as you and none challenge me like you do.” I think he was sucking up a bit though.
fast eddie December 16, 2011, 4:21 pm
Actually from what I know about you, I think he’s just being truthful, if a bit verbose. 🙂
AKchic December 16, 2011, 6:56 pm
Awww… *blush*
camille905 March 17, 2011, 2:34 pm
I would actually be okay with #10 and #13. Does that make me strange?
Jessica March 17, 2011, 2:52 pm
agreed.
Andrew March 17, 2011, 3:07 pm
There’s nothing strange about playing a ukulele. Nothing at all.
spot March 18, 2011, 10:21 am
I totally agree. This kid rocks the ukelele:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErMWX–UJZ4
Addie Pray March 17, 2011, 3:01 pm
Thanks, Wendy! That was a great list. You do really good work, and really fast! I dunno, I think you should blog for a living when you grow up. It suits you. 😉
Addie Pray March 17, 2011, 3:01 pm
And love the hat. I’m looking forward to… what’s next, Easter?
WatersEdge March 17, 2011, 3:06 pm
My husband and I maaaay stay in and watch Jersey Shore on Friday nights. Because it airs too late on Thursday nights. I’m pretty sure that makes us double losers.
princesspetticoat March 17, 2011, 3:41 pm
Hahaha! I totally laughed at that one too becuase I’m pretty sure I suggested staying in last Friday and watching the PVR’d Jersey Shore. But I played bartender while we watched… so that makes it better, right? Right?
GatorGirl December 16, 2011, 1:16 pm
My BF and I have ton’s of guilty pleasure shows…Glee being the dorkiest one. But we love it. I don’t see anything wrong with staying in and watching a show!
SpyGlassez March 18, 2011, 12:06 am
or #12: You sound just like YOUR mother.
And to be honest, the BF has 2x halfway said “Mom” to me while we were arguing/vituperatively discussing. As in: “No, Mo…Hon….”, to which I always respond, “Did you just call me Mom???” Luckily at that time, we both started laughing.
spot March 18, 2011, 10:19 am
“We need to talk.”
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have talks or bring up important issues, but prefacing it with those 4 words creates unnecessary anxiety. Just start talking!
thyme March 18, 2011, 6:50 pm
#5: Yes! Yes! YES.
I told my BF the same thing: “I don’t care” is NEVER the right answer, to any question. NEVER. I asked your opinion because I care and I want you to care!
Trixy Minx December 16, 2011, 12:17 pm
Also don’t tell your date that they are cuter in person. Then they get upset thinking their pictures are ugly.
SisiSodaPop December 16, 2011, 1:11 pm
I’m guilty of #10 & #15…… but to be fair, my mom watches our daughter quite often, and it would just be convenient to be next door….and staying in to watch Jersey Shore is pretty affordable when you’re on a tight budget….
OTOH – He’s guilty of #6 & #7…he didn’t say exactly that my best frined was hot, but questioned why my cousin had blonde hair and such big boobs and I didn’t, and how great it would be if I had gotten those genes, too.
JK December 16, 2011, 1:27 pm
My husband and I are def guilty of 14. I remember one time we were on vacation, and on our way back down a mountain had to wait in the car because of a huge storm. WHile waiting wewere discussing all our worst parts that our (at that moment unplanned) kids could inherit.
Luckily they are both absolutely perfect. 🙂 Except our oldest inherited my nonexistent butt. Oh well.
AKchic December 16, 2011, 7:00 pm
*laugh* Yeah… my current SO and I discussed which things we’d prefer our son not to inherit. So far, kid is getting what we wanted in the looks department. Oddly though, he seems to be getting brownish eyes. The only one of my kids to have that.
MsBorgia December 16, 2011, 1:35 pm
How about #21: “I actually have no interest in the topic you’ve decided to devote your life to.”
Woman of Words December 16, 2011, 10:00 pm
Sounds like my ex-husband!
Anna December 16, 2011, 6:49 pm
21. “Let’s put on our John Deere t-shirts and go to the Tea Party rally today.”
SpyGlassez December 17, 2011, 6:48 am
Somewhere on there should be, “But Cosmo promised you’d like it if I did this!”
fast eddie December 17, 2011, 9:44 am
“Do you mind my dating your office friend? After all we’re not going anywhere.”
I said this to a FWB over the dinner she cooked for us. That was the second dumbest thing I ever did. (she dumped me of course) The top spot was my first marriage.