Cocktail parties can be scary and intimidating. So many people! So many of them drunk and loud! It’s hard to know what to wear and how to act and what to say to people. I wish cocktail parties didn’t exist, but they do, and there’s no choice but to just deal with them and hope they’re over soon. After the jump, my top 20 tips for surviving a cocktail party.
1. Hide under the bed.
2. Try to ignore the sounds of all the people in the apartment.
3. One has a loud booming voice.
4. I’m scared.
5. It’s okay to be scared
6. Sometimes I’m brave.
7. Sometimes Simone hisses and tries to intimidate me.
8. But I stand up to her.
9. Someone is coming!
10. I’m safe under the bed.
11. I want to eat a roast chicken.
12. I want to eat a roast chicken with mash potatoes and blueberry pie for dessert.
13. I hear ladies voices.
14. I want to go out and talk to the ladies.
15. I’m going to do it!
18. I’m scared.
19. I’m back under the bed.
20. Take a nap until everyone leaves.