Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

20 Ways To Survive a Cocktail Party (if you’re a cat)

Cocktail parties can be scary and intimidating. So many people! So many of them drunk and loud! It’s hard to know what to wear and how to act and what to say to people. I wish cocktail parties didn’t exist, but they do, and there’s no choice but to just deal with them and hope they’re over soon. After the jump, my top 20 tips for surviving a cocktail party.


1. Hide under the bed.

2. Try to ignore the sounds of all the people in the apartment.

3. One has a loud booming voice.

4. I’m scared.

5. It’s okay to be scared

6. Sometimes I’m brave.

7. Sometimes Simone hisses and tries to intimidate me.

8. But I stand up to her.

9. Someone is coming!

10. I’m safe under the bed.

11. I want to eat a roast chicken.

12. I want to eat a roast chicken with mash potatoes and blueberry pie for dessert.

13. I hear ladies voices.

14. I want to go out and talk to the ladies.

15. I’m going to do it!

16. Hello?

17. Ladies?

18. I’m scared.

19. I’m back under the bed.

20. Take a nap until everyone leaves.

13 comments… add one
  • RoyalEagle0408 April 1, 2011, 12:02 pm

    I think number 20 is going to be my plan of action.

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  • Laurel April 1, 2011, 12:37 pm

    Or, if you’re my friend’s chihuahua, run around and lap from unattended glasses and lick up all alcohol spills. Chica loves it when tipsy people get clumsy!

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    • spaceboy761 April 1, 2011, 12:52 pm

      That’s nothing. My friend’s beagle can open up a Warsteiner and pour about half the bottle.

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      • maynard April 1, 2011, 1:14 pm

        That’s damn impressive! My ex’s dog would corral ping pong balls for beer pong. He’d never chew on them, but would pick up missed balls and bring them back. Needed an extra wash cup when he was around.

  • cmarie April 1, 2011, 1:04 pm

    Or if you’re Whelan, meow for attention and if that doesn’t work climb their leg, that way they don’t have a choice but to touch you. Once they start they can’t stop because nobody can resist my soft fur and fat belly.

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  • Eagle Eye April 1, 2011, 1:09 pm

    I’m guessing that Miles loves the ladies?

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  • maynard April 1, 2011, 1:11 pm

    Maynard the Mini Dachshund’s Tips: (WAY different from weird cats. pfft)

    1. Jump on everyone as they come in the door.
    2. Try very hard to lick their face. Lick hands if can’t reach face
    3. Missed a person! Lick them extra!
    4. Check in with mom
    5. Try to eat any and all food left unattended. That’s for me right?
    6. Lick up any spilled drinks
    7. Check in with mom. Good. Still here
    8. Bark to get more attention
    9. Sit on hind legs to get more people food
    10. Check in with mommmm!

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  • MajinMD April 1, 2011, 1:12 pm

    MaMajin and Papa Marse had a big party last week, too. Even worse, it was during the afternoon—prime nap time! But I wasn’t scared, because I am so very fierce. I sat under the dining room table with my tail wrapped around my feet and stared at everyone. And for good measure, I hissed at the small, twitchy ones who kept wanting to pet me. My sister Chloe was foolish enough to let her guard down and sat on the stairs and let ALL the small, twitchy ones pet her. One small, twitchy one got too close and didn’t understand from all my hissing how very fierce I am, so I was forced to swipe at her (I don’t have front claws, but don’t tell anyone, okay?). That’ll teach them to let other people sit in my chair during nap time.


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  • Jessica April 1, 2011, 2:23 pm

    hahahahhaa… omg. looove!

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  • baby.blanka April 1, 2011, 1:36 pm

    Ringo only has one rule to survive a party – 1.”everyone is here to see ME! I must spend as much time as possible on all of their laps so I do not disappoint them!!!”

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    Jess of April 1, 2011, 1:53 pm

    I just cried again, with laughter. I really think Wendy’s cat should have a sister blog. I’ve laughing and weeping so hard. My co-workers just asked if I’m ok.

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      Jess of April 1, 2011, 1:54 pm

      Apparently its also causing me to make typos. Sorry!

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  • anna728 April 1, 2011, 5:36 pm

    Haha I am picturing a dressed up party guest following this advice and hiding under the bed when they feel awkward.

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