I asked Ryan to please let Allison be and to let her move on because he now has me and my son, but he’s focused on her. He’s threatened our relationship multiple times, saying that if I can’t accept this, then I need to leave. Am I in the wrong for voicing my concern? He seems to think everything should be seen his way, and I don’t think that’s right. — Concerned
Oh, wow, you need to get away from Ryan immediately. There are so many red flags that it should make your head spin. Ryan’s ex has two kids – a son and a daughter, but Ryan seems to only be obsessed with the daughter? He was only with the ex seven months, but Allison calls him a “second dad”? He is telling you that if you can’t accept his relationship and obsession with the daughter of a woman he dated a few months, you need to leave? THEN LEAVE! Oh my God, leave! None of this is normal. He sounds, at best, like someone who has zero regard for your feelings and no investment in your relationship. At worst, he sounds like a predator, preying on the daughter of an ex who’s desperate for a father figure in her life. Bottom line: This is 100% a situation you need to MOA from asap!
From the forums:
In a lot of places, hospitals are securing hotel rooms and other spaces where their infected personnel can quarantine away from their own family members so as to reduce their risk as well as limit community transmission. It does not seem weird that your boyfriend would not want to share a small space with someone who is infected with Covid19. It is recommended that people who are infected and quarantining at home (versus being hospitalized) have as close to zero contact with anyone else – including other household members – as possible.
I’m not sure what kind of care you envision your boyfriend being able to provide you under these kinds of circumstances. At best, he could leave food outside your bedroom door, bleach the bathroom after every time you use it to try to keep it disinfected for his own use (unless you have a second bathroom in the home you could designate as your own), and very carefully take your temperature while wearing a mask and gloves and washing himself afterward. And, yes, loving spouses are taking this kind of risk (here’s a harrowing account of a woman giving such care to her husband sick with Covid19 that should make all of us commit to stopping the spread as best as we can). But it’s understandable when some decide not to and maintain a distance through the duration of the illness.
If your relationship isn’t stable enough to withstand the extraordinary measures needed to limit exposure to a deadly disease, and you see your boyfriend’s plan as an indictment on the state of your relationship, then maybe, after 12 years of being on and off, it’s time to be off for good.
Your boyfriend is not friends with his ex. They aren’t friends. She wants nothing to do with him. She’s blocked him and he doesn’t respect the boundaries she’s set with him. This isn’t even about your being “second best,” this is about his being a fucking creep. What he’s doing to his ex borders on criminal, and what he’s doing to you is immoral. You need to move on and hope to God he doesn’t disrespect the boundaries you set with him!