It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from CSP, a longtime DW reader and commenter who has shared some of her infertility journey with us over the last few years, in a column, multiple updates, and in the forums and comments section. A few months ago, after years of trying to have a baby biologically, she and her husband adopted. Here’s the dramatic and heartwarming story:
So we started the adoption process, having social workers come to our house and compiling 100 pages of documentation proving we were worthy people. We met both the birth mother and father and they both were good people. I went to the ultrasound appointments and even accompanied her to childbirth classes. The baby was due in December, so all of this happened quickly. A week before the baby was due, the birth father changed his mind, signed up for public assistance, and refused to allow the adoption to go through. So as fast as all this happened, it fell apart.
We were devastated. We had a perfect nursery ready in our house, car seats installed in our cars, and tons of washed little outfits all folded and ready. It was a terrible Christmas and we got weirdly famous. What I mean by that is everyone who knew us, or knew of us, went to their families for Christmas and told our story. It was just too crazy not to share. In our town, people would stop us and just start crying. We got food delivered and prayer cards, and there was an overwhelming outpouring of support. But my worst fear had been an empty nursery haunting my house, and we had to face it. I sat for hours in the room just mourning the dream. We were lucky that my in-laws gave us a trip at a bed-and-breakfast in Rhode Island between Christmas and New Year’s so we could run away for a while.
While we were on the trip, my coworker called me. She said she needed to talk right away and told me her other daughter, 16 years old, had just told her she was also pregnant and due at the end of January. She wanted to know if we would like that baby. My husband and I had a long conversation and realized that we had to try and it would be hard to hurt us anymore than we had already been hurt. We found out that the 16-year-old was so scared to tell her mom that she had hid the pregnancy until mid=December. When she finally came clean and went to the doctor, she was measuring at 37 weeks and the baby was in position for birth. We met with her and the birth father, and we decided to go for it. This was a crazy set of events and we knew we wouldn’t have a chance like this again. There were a ton of unknowns including the sex of the baby. There had been no prenatal care and we had to hope it would be all right.
Our son was born in January and I was in the delivery room. I got to cut the umbilical cord, and the hospital let my husband and me stay in a room with the baby next to the birth mother’s room. The baby was perfect. We didn’t realize it at the time, but we were so lucky for the first failed adoption attempt. Had we not been preparing for that adoption, we would not have been able to turn around all that paperwork in time for this baby. This whole process has been crazy. We started trying to have a baby in 2011 and this just fell into our laps like it was meant to be all along.
Now we are just going through more paperwork. We had three home studies with social workers and have two more court dates, and then our son will be officially ours. We are on the home stretch!
Thank you for sharing such a personal and, ultimately, joyous story with us. I know I speak for the whole DW community when I say congratulations and that we are so very happy for you and your husband! May you enjoy a lifetime of love and happiness with your son.
If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.