Quickies: “I Don’t Want to be Friends if I can’t Be His Girlfriend”
We didn’t contact each other for a month, and when I finally called him, he told me he was happy I called because he had lost my number. He then called me quite often for a week until I found out he is seeing someone else. I asked him about this, and he said that while they went out a few times, there are no feelings. I’m really confused because this guy seems like he wants to be friends only, yet I have strong feelings for him and I want to know if it’s right to tell him I can’t be friends. — Have Enough Friends
I don’t know what you’re confused about. The guy told you he didn’t want to date you anymore. He broke up with you. He “lost your number.” And you two were only back in contact after you initiated it. I mean, no shit he only wants to be your friend and nothing more. If that’s not cool with you, MOA. Don’t even bother telling him you can’t be friends — just follow his lead and lose his number.
I’ve always lived away from home (since 19) and seeing his parents every day when we lived at the aunt’s house (for showers and eating all meals), drove me crazy. Now, we’ve been living in “our” house and nothing has really changed; I still have to see his parents every day, and I just hate it. I’ve told my boyfriend that several times, and I even asked him to leave an option open for maybe moving away because I won’t be able to live here for long. And he said that, no, he’s not leaving!!
So he gave me two options. I either accept this situation (and I can’t) or I move. But I really love him. What do I do?? It is driving me crazy. I’ve been very supportive; I’ve lived at his aunt’s house for eight months because he asked me to (money issues), but now I just don’t see the point. We both work. I want to have the same relationship with his parents as he has with mine — seeing them once every two weeks or so. What do I do?? — Tired of Seeing His Parents Every Day
You take the more bearable option. You either accept the situation that your boyfriend says will not change (staying where you are, seeing his parents every day) or you break up and move away. Those are your choices. You may not like them, but not liking something doesn’t change the fact, and the fact is that your boyfriend will not change his relationship with his parents to appease you. If it were I, I’d cut my losses and MOA. There are other men out there who are perfectly happy only seeing their parents every couple of weeks as you want.
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You don’t wanna be friends? Was this a… bad romance?
No seriously though, he’s just not that into you. And it’s completely ok to not want to be friends with someone you would rather date. What would be shitty is to hang around pretending to be his friend, waiting for the day (that never comes) that he changes his mind. You put yourself into Nice Guy/Girl™ territory that way, and that territory is all bad road.
It’s totally okay to not want to be friends. He is sending you signals loud and clear that he doesn’t want to date you. Just MOA and get on with your life.
He sounds flaky, you certainly don’t have to be friend with him
Yeah, I don’t know what’s confusing to you— you outline the situation with accuracy. “…seems like he wants to be friends only” <— yes. "I have stong feelings for him…" <— yes. But, like, you said, he only wants to be friends. That's a recipe for unhappiness. Do WWS & lose the dude's number.
So, to go against the grain. I say you ask him wtf is going on. He dumped you, then a month later said he was happy to hear from you, and now is stringing you along. WTF dude? And then dump him anyway because he sounds like a flake.
I’m confused about your confusion.
Unless you’re over the age, IDK, 50, or a hermit, can the “lost your number” trick even work anymore?
Facebook.
Instagram.
LinkedIn.
E-mail.
I once had an old high school friend (before FB), google me. My work contact info. was on-line from some conference and so she e-mailed me because she wanted to get in touch.
I mean, come on.
Yeah if I guy tells you he can’t be your boyfriend because of x,y, or z he is just lying, he can’t be your boyfriend, because he doesn’t want to be. If his family problems were that bad, he wouldn’t be dating this new check. Just lose his number.
“Moral of the story, when a dude stops talking to you, he doesn’t want to date you.”
PREACH.
Then don’t.
Hah! This was my EXACT response just now when I read this headline two years later…
This makes me think of the whole “friend zone” myth. You don’t have to be friends with someone, especially if you’re going to project your feelings onto their actions. Cut your losses and move on, there’s plenty of people out there who will want to be more than a friend. Besides, I feel like this guy could be back burner-ing you. I wouldn’t give an explanation and slow fade (if that’s even necessary as he might not initiate much contact anyways).
The guy you just described sounds like a jerk he had no right to friend zone you so yeah you should tell him the truth I’d tell him more then just that you can’t be his friend a guy friend zoned me and I told him he’ll find the right friend for him that it’s just not me then I proceeded to call him a rat which might sound immature but if you knew this guy you would too