We are befuddled and, quite frankly, offended. Does Bud want to “upgrade” his friends? Is he embarrassed by us? Is he trying to distance himself from us? All of us in the group are successful and personable, and there is no reason that we can see as to why he would want to distance himself from us.
Your initial thought may be that he is angling for a girl he had a crush on in high school or something like that, but we attended an all-male school, and Bud, as far as we know, is heterosexual.
Are we making too much of this? My gut is usually right, and my gut tells me that something is wrong. Is Bud a jerk? — One of Four
How are you so close after 20 years of friendship and you can’t say, “Yo, Bud, why didn’t you mention you were going to the reunion?!” That’s a normal thing to say to a friend you’re tight with. And then you could better gauge from his response what the deal was. I did wonder if he might be pursuing a romantic interest that he didn’t want wing men for, and that’s still a possibility even if you all went to an all-male school.
Perhaps Bud isn’t totally straight after all. Or maybe he wanted to network for business opportunities and thought having his close friends around would distract him from that agenda. I don’t know! But it seems odd to jump to the conclusion that something is “wrong” and that Bud is a jerk. It sounds like Bud’s going to his/your high school reunion had literally nothing to do with you and your other two friends. And confirming this would be as easy as simply asking.
Shortly after the party, my close friend and this lady squashed the beef and they now talk a lot, but my my close friend didn’t tell me about it. I heard from a mutual friend. What should I do in this instance? Have the discussion with my close friend? Ignore the gist? Be wary of my close friend? — Should I Be Wary?
Why would you be wary of your close friend? Her fall-out with her pal wasn’t about you and neither was their reconciliation. You were loyal to her in not attending the birthday party, but that doesn’t mean she owes you status updates on her friendships. It probably slipped her mind to tell you or she hasn’t had an opportunity or didn’t think it warranted a discussion. Maybe she thought she had already told you. Maybe she was a little embarrassed by the whole situation. Maybe she feels slightly guilty you missed out on the party on her account (even though she didn’t ask you to skip it!).
At any rate, I just don’t think any of this is that big a deal. There’s no big “discussion” that needs to be had. Next time you talk to her, you could say, “Hey, I heard you and the lady are friends again. That’s great! Maybe some time the three of us can hang out.” And then she can make that happen eventually or not. Or she can decide to share some details with you or not. If there are other reasons you might have to be wary of this friend, that’s one thing, but nothing you’ve mentioned suggests she’s someone whose intentions you can’t trust.