I started dating “Jane” about two months ago. We met on OKCupid and had a really good first date. Unfortunately, I’ve had to commute for work each week since then, but have seen her every weekend. At the start of January, “Carissa” came onto the work project that I’m traveling for. We had instant chemistry, but I fought it since she’s a coworker (and I was seeing Jane). Fast forward to end of January, and after a long night of drinking with the team, I ended up kissing Carissa in the bar at the end of the night. Things escalated rapidly from there — mostly just physical, but we carpooled to work this past week, which sorta felt like a date. I thought Carissa knew about Jane — it had been public knowledge among my co-workers, but she didn’t know and when she found out, she was understandably upset and asked me to break things off with Jane.
First, am I a scumbag for what I’ve done so far? I haven’t seen Jane since starting to get physical with Carissa, but I’ve been keeping up with communication over text/email, and a couple of phone calls. Second, what should I do from here? My current plan is to break up with Jane for something unrelated and continue seeing Carissa. What do you think? — Scumbag?
Oh, come on; does this really call for an elaborate game plan? If Carissa is the one who is more readily available and the one you’d like to get to know better, than respect her wishes and break up with Jane. You’ve only been seeing Jane for two months, and only on weekends at that, so breaking up with her doesn’t need to be a big deal. Simply tell her you’ve enjoyed getting to know her, but you’ve decided to move on and you wish her well.
As for whether you’re a scumbag or not, well, that depends on whether you established an exclusive relationship with Jane. If so, you’re a cheater and yeah, kinda scumbaggy. If not, I fail to see how you really screwed up. It’s not inappropriate to date two people at the same time, provided the people you’re dating know you aren’t exclusively seeing them. In the future, you should probably get to know someone better before ruling out your other options; that’s a good way not to feel like a scumbag.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at [email protected].