It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss choosing a bridal party, dealing with an office crush, and what do do when a partner is just too busy for you.
I was engaged three years ago and had friends agree to be in my bridal party. I broke off the engagement nine months before the wedding date, fortunately before any bridesmaids’ dresses were chosen or purchased. Today, I am engaged to a different wonderful man and will soon need to start asking friends to be in my bridal party. There are two women who were in my previous bridal party that I do not plan on including this time around. We don’t talk or see each other nearly as much as we used to (although I suspect they both would still ask me to be in theirs – if not only because they’ve alienated many of their other girl friends). They will both still be invited to my wedding, but I don’t want to have to rely on them or worry about them getting along with the other bridesmaids. I’m wondering — would there be any expectation by them to be included in this one and if there would be any need for me to address it? It’s not like I’m going with the same wedding plans and swapping in a new man — it’s been three years, it’s a different man, and I feel like a new woman. So, does there need to be a talk about it? — Second Bridal Party
Only your former bridesmaids would know for sure whether there’s an expectation on their part to be asked to be a part of your new bridal party, but regardless of whether there is or not — and let’s face it: most women probably aren’t going to be heartbroken over not spending an average of $1600 for a friend they’re no longer close to — it would be bad form to actually address the issue with them. The only reason you’d talk bridal party with them is if you were asking them to be in it or addressing a direct question by them about why they aren’t included this time around. In the case of the latter, a simple and vague, “I’m going in a different direction this time, but I’d be so honored if you’d attend the wedding as a guest.”
How do you know if a co-worker is interested in you as more than a friend? There is a guy at work that I like a lot. We have a great relationship and we get along very well. I think there is a hesitancy on both our parts about getting involved at work, but I feel like (from my end anyway) that there is chemistry there. He has asked me to go watch him outside of work to participate in his favorite extracurricular activity, but I don’t know if he just wants me to try his favorite hobby or if he seriously wants to spend time with me outside of the work. The request was sort of generic, with no real time frame. I am thinking about asking him what day and time would be good. I guess I just don’t know how you tell if someone is open to dating at work and how to go about getting that started without humiliating myself at work. — Work Crush
There usually isn’t a surefire way to tell that someone is into you, but it seems like you’ve gotten a lot of good signals and it may be that this guy is shy or as concerned as you are about getting involved with a co-worker. If you’re really interested, that press him for a time and place to get together. Take the bulls by the horn. It’s not “humiliating” to ask someone out. Even if he’s not interested in dating you, he’ll be flattered.
I have been in a relationship with a man for the past ten months and we have overall a good relationship. He’s been wanting to open his own business for a while; he already did all the paperwork and is waiting for final details. He works as a tour operator so when it’s high season he is extremely busy. I’m fine with him working a lot, however, he distanced himself from so much that I have not seen him in two months. He eventually stopped calling / texting, and whenever we had the chance to talk I always brought it up but never got much of a response. He recently called and once again I brought it up and he said that he’s overwhelmed with work and trying to resolve other issues, but that’s not how a relationship works. My feelings have changed because I cannot understand that if someone is in a committed relationship they would neglect their significant other to the point of becoming strangers almost, just because one of them is extremely busy or overwhelmed with problems. What should I do? I feel like I shouldn’t stay with this man but another part wants to fix it. Any thoughts / advice? — Neglected and Forgotten
You can’t “fix” the relationship on your own. If your boyfriend is unable or unwilling to invest in your relationship in the way you need him to — and that seems to be the case — you have to move on. When one person has needs the other person won’t meet over an extended period of time, the relationship is essentially over and pretending otherwise will only drag out the inevitable and prolong the heartache.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at [email protected] and be sure to follow me on Twitter.