It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I’m engaged, but a while ago my fiancé and I had a big argument which ended in a separation. While we were separated, he tried to have sex with his stepsister, who is much younger than we are, but she stopped him. After a while we got back together, but HE didn’t tell me about it — his stepsister did! I feel like I’m second best and that I can’t trust him, even though he tells me that he made a mistake and he’s sorry and he promises that he loves me! What must I do?? I do love him, but I’m hurt and I can’t forget what he did! Please advise me on this. — Second Best
HE TRIED TO HAVE SEX WITH HIS STEPSISTER. AND, it wasn’t even consensual, which is a double ew, to say the least. Honey, MOA.
Tell me if I’m being irrational. I’ve been dating this guy for seven months. I’ve been through a car crash and near poverty with him. His dad died last week and he told me that he wasn’t even that close with him. But now he’s being completely different and depressed. He’s in Arizona for the funeral. He promised me before he left that he would keep in contact. But when he’s angry or sad, he ices everyone out. I’m trying to be supportive, but I can’t do it anymore if he doesn’t talk to me. Am I bad girlfriend because I want to break up with him? Maybe I need to give him space for a while; but, with me, it’s all or nothing. — Irrational?
Yes, you’re a bad girlfriend for wanting to break up with your boyfriend, whose father just died last week, because he’s acting completely depressed and isn’t calling and texting you constantly while he’s at his father’s fucking funeral. Whether he was close to his father or not is beside the point. It’s a devastating thing to lose a parent. And if there were complicated feelings in life, they’re even more complicated in death. You need to get over yourself. But, in the meantime, do the poor guy you “can’t deal with anymore” a favor, and let him go, because — it’s just a hunch — I’m guessing you are far more to “deal with” than he can handle right now.
I have been dating my guy for about three years now. He is not financially stable and neither am I. I actually want someone who can take care of me and give me an education because my family is not able to. (I tried taking a few courses with the little money I saved). I just met this white man who loves me very much and is ready to do anything for me. I want to know if it’s OK to date the white man and leave my guy or date both or forget about the white man. I’m so confused. — Looking for Financial Stability
First of all, just because he’s white doesn’t mean that he has money or that he would want to spend it on you. Even if he did, though, someone you “just met” (your words) who says he “loves you so much” (your words), probably doesn’t. As long as you know that he’s probably using you as much as you would be using him and that both of you could very well end up unsatisfied, then, sure, go for it. I’d leave your boyfriend, though, regardless of whether you pursue the white guy, because it’s clear you aren’t satisfied with him and you’re keeping him from being with someone who could be.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.