I have refrained from discussing my guilty pleasure — The Bachelor/ette fanchise — too much here on DW, which has been pretty easy to do this season since Des and her batch of bachelors are so boring, but then last night things got interesting and now I have to dish. Spoiler alert (or, oops, sorry, I guess the headline probably already spoiled…)!
On last night’s episode of The Bachelorette, Desiree is down to three bachelors — sporty Chris who writes awful junior high style poetry, earnest and good-looking Drew who’s about as interesting as a piece of toast, and Brooks, the mormon with mommy issues who may or may not be a repressed gay (regardless, he is the only one of the three who has not professed his love to Des by the start of the episode). In a twist this season, the bachelorette shares her pick weeks before the final rose ceremony, declaring her love for Brooks and saying that although he hasn’t told her he loves her, the words are almost unnecessary because she already knows how he feels.
And then her world is turned upside down when Brooks, fresh off his hometown visit where his creepy mother basically tells him to MOA if he’s not feeling love after all of seven weeks, does the unthinkable: he tells Des he doesn’t love her. Poor Des! She’s devastated. She tells him he was the one she was going to pick! She tells him she loves him even though he broke her heart! And Brooks, unable to just MOA like he’s been advised to do, draws the pitiful breakup out for nearly 45 minutes, apologizing over and over and over and over. “Then stop saying it!” Des says through her tears.
Perhaps the most interesting part of this episode was when Brooks told Chris Harrison that he knows he’s not in love with Des because part of being wildly in love is feeling pain and he doesn’t feel pain with her. Isn’t that a weird thing to say? The whole pain part? I mean, I get when people say stuff like, “I love him so much it hurts,” but pain as a way to measure love is sort of … bizarre, no? But then when you see how anguished Brooks is breaking up with Des and how physically and emotionally hard it is for him to actually leave Desiree’s side, you have to wonder if he’s finally feeling the pain he thought he needed to feel in order to be in love.
I predict he’ll be back next week begging for Desiree to give him another chance. He’ll say he made a mistake or something like that. And she’ll probably take him back and they’ll get engaged and have a really effed up relationship for a few months or maybe a year until it all blows up in her face because Brooks is incapable of being a good partner to her. DES, DON’T TAKE HIM BACK!!
Brooks has issues. I don’t see him being husband, or even boyfriend, material until he gets some serious therapy. And I feel sorry for Desiree that she had these two other men fawning all over her and she only had eyes for the one who couldn’t love her. And now that she’s made such a huge deal of being in love with Brooks and not wanting to share her heart with anyone else, she’s not going to suddenly open herself up to bad-poet Chris or dry-as-toast Drew. And yet, all the gossip sites and magazines are saying that Des is engaged, so clearly someone wins her heart. I say Brooks comes back with his tail between his legs and Des, the masochist, says yes. I can’t WAIT to see what her psychotic brother has to say about all this!!!
lets_be_honest July 30, 2013, 1:53 pm
“And I feel sorry for Desiree that she had these two other men fawning all over her and she only had eyes for the one who couldn’t love her. ”
Isn’t that how it often goes…
I enjoyed this even though I don’t watch the show, haha.
GatorGirl July 30, 2013, 2:41 pm
LBH! You’ve been MIA today! You won’t believe what happened to me yesterday! UPS dropped off a mystery box and it contained a brand new Kate Spade purse! My cousin is awesome and works for Zappos and just thought I’d like it…so she sent it to me. How cool is that?
lets_be_honest July 30, 2013, 2:48 pm
LINK! Come on now, GG, you know I need links!
Sounds like a pretty damn good day!
GatorGirl July 30, 2013, 2:55 pm
lets_be_honest July 30, 2013, 3:12 pm
Oooh, very, very cute.
GatorGirl July 30, 2013, 3:22 pm
Yeah, I love it. I was sooooo taken a back. Who sends someone a brand new Kate Spade purse, just because?? (Apparently my awesome cousin!)
Fabelle July 30, 2013, 1:56 pm
I haven’t seen this season, but a couple seasons ago (blonde girl? With one dude that kept saying he wanted to “guard & protect [her] heart” or something crazy like that?) my friend made me watch through. Reality shows really are so terribly addictive.
And yeah, I enjoyed this too. People always seem to harbor the misconception that love=passion, with “passion” being a word for “dramatic ups & downs”.
rachel July 30, 2013, 2:02 pm
Haha, love this Wendy, even though I haven’t watched any of the show. Imagine what we would all say to a LW who was trying to choose between 3 guys who she had met a couple of months ago and were professing their love for her.
bethany July 30, 2013, 2:15 pm
I watched one episode, and that one guy read her some horrible poem. If my husband read me a poem like that, I’d laugh in his face.
Boosker July 30, 2013, 2:29 pm
I don’t even think it “counts” as poetry. It’s just sentences. I don’t know what else to say.
Copa July 30, 2013, 3:35 pm
Ok, unrelated story time! My ex started writing really terrible poetry after we broke up and posting it online. It made my friends laugh so hard they cried — he seriously didn’t even get the syllable count in his awful haikus right — and made ME cringe that I’d dated him for so long.
So, now I want to do two things:
1. Watch this episode of the Bachelorette
2. See if my ex has posted anymore laughable poems
Northern Mermaid July 30, 2013, 6:02 pm
I had a friend whose boyfriend wrote the most embarrassing blog posts baout her. And he thought he was being so deep. It was just painful. We loved it and would stage dramatic readings. Because we were 18 year old assholes.
MackenzieLee July 31, 2013, 12:08 pm
I agree so much about the poetry. My mom was giving me a hard time that I will marry a douchebag because I was making fun of Chris’s poetry. I’m glad someone else agrees that it was horrendous…so maybe my future isn’t doomed after all.
Zak’s letter to des in the back o the journal was a way better poem than any of Chris’s stuff.
Lily in NYC July 30, 2013, 2:26 pm
I’m not usually such a sucker, but I was really surprised when I found out about the one success story – Trista and Ryan. Turns out they had already been dating for a year when they “met” on the show. I had already gotten sick of the show when I found out, but that was definitely the nail in the coffin. It’s become ilke watching a bunch of drunk Real Housewives but with single famewhores instead of married famewhores.
Lily in NYC July 30, 2013, 2:28 pm
Replying to myself to say that I don’t mean that I’m judging people who still watch – I watch plenty of train wreck tv. My guilty pleasure is Toddlers & Tiaras.
honeybeenicki July 30, 2013, 2:37 pm
I used to watch Toddlers & Tiaras, but got over it awhile ago. I am a 16 & Pregnant/Teen Mom lover though. And I love Tia and Tamera. Something about watching two girls that I “grew up with” (by that I mean watching them) all grown up just gets me. I’m sure there’s some other reality shows that I like, but I can’t think of them. My mom is in betting pools for Survivor and Big Brother every season so she watches those.
Lily in NYC July 30, 2013, 4:01 pm
I’m already starting to get sick of Toddlers & Tiaras (I haven’t even watched for very long). Too much fighting among crazy pageant moms. I watched a lot of reality tv when it first became a “thing” years ago – like Survivor and its ilk. But now it seems like the shows have gone from being competition-based to being a bunch of drunk people yelling at each other (like all of those Real Housewives). I guess they are much easier and cheaper to produce.
Jessibel5 July 30, 2013, 3:09 pm
Wait, what?! No way! Had no idea! Wonder what the story is with the other successful couples, like Jason and Molly and the dentist chick and her hubby.
Zepp July 31, 2013, 6:55 am
I dont think that’s true. There’s no evidence at all for it, it was just a blind item on a gossip site. Didn’t even use their names. I think if they had really been dating for a year before the show it would have come out by now. By someone who knew them, and was willing to go on record to get paid. Even random coworkers and stuff would have known if Trista was dating Ryan back then. There would be photos…
Julesoola July 30, 2013, 2:36 pm
Ahhhhh! I’m so glad this got brought up here! This is my first season watching and I’m hooked to this “so bad, it’s awesome” show! Des tweeted something last night about spirits still being high and #happytears or some junk. I’m sure Brooks will be back, or maybe Chris hypnotizes her with some awful poetry.
Boosker July 30, 2013, 1:59 pm
Yeah, I agree with Brooks having issues. I was actually expecting him to break up with her over religious differences. Kind of weird that the last bachelorette (Emily) picked an LDS dude in the end. I think it’s pretty much a given that you are supposed to marry within the faith as a Mormon. Brooks also seems to have some maturity issues. He reminds me a lot of my friend’s (now) husband who dumped her when they were still dating because he couldn’t handle the idea of a grown up relationship. He even said some of the same things when he broke up with her. He had talked to his family and they had teased out and encouraged his doubts (because they’re weirdly enmeshed and don’t like outsiders), he said he wasn’t desparate to see her when they were apart. In the end, he just wasn’t ready and he needed to grow up before he could commit. However, he was much younger than Brooks is now. I wouldn’t be surprised if your repressed homosexuality theory was correct. Seems like he’s looking for an excuse, a way out.
Jessibel5 July 30, 2013, 3:08 pm
That whole “I don’t feel pain thing” makes me laugh because my husband broke up with me our first year of dating and said pretty much the same thing. He said something like “I don’t feel THAT feeling with you, you know, the feeling of wanting what you can’t have, where you’re constantly chasing after the person who you’re in love with?” I was like, that’s not love you dumbass, that’s a dysfunctional relationship! We ended up getting back together about a month after that, and about a year later he let me know that he finally knew what love really was and that I was the one who showed him. Guessing Brooks has never been in a fully functional relationship himself before.
Or, well, that’s the way it was written…I’m not entirely sure that these scenes aren’t fully written out before they film them.
painted_lady July 30, 2013, 7:09 pm
Yeah, I’ve always had the suspicion it’s at least partially written out. Don’t remember which reality show, but I definitely heard the sort of verbal fumbling actors make when they drop lines and went, “Oh my god, that was scripted!”
Zepp July 31, 2013, 6:59 am
I had a friend who was on the bachelor!! This was way back during Bobs season. She said that the producers told her how to act and what to say when she was with the girls, but she could act and say however she wanted with Bob. They had no input on that.
However she said some really bitchy things to the girls so maybe she was just making that up. And I really think they tell the Bachelor/Bacherlorette to never tell anyone you love them or are going to pick them.
bcamber July 30, 2013, 3:15 pm
if anything, Brooks is the only person cast on this show who DOESN’T need therapy. Of course he’s feeling unsure about his feelings – it’s only been seven weeks and he is feeling the show’s pressure to propose.
The ones who DO need therapy are the ones who are all “I love this person they’re my sole mate!!!” after the first one on one date.
Jessibel5 July 30, 2013, 3:22 pm
The whole problem with this show though is that some viewers buy into the fantasy so hard. Brad Womack was absolutely vilified when he dumped both girls, and ever since then there’s always been a proposal. To me that was the most normal response in the history of this show, but there was a very vocal backlash about what he did. I think after that everyone was pressured to “propose, or else.”
sarolabelle July 30, 2013, 2:31 pm
She let the one for her go when Kasey left. They had such chemistry! Plus I wanted to see more of him!
Lily in NYC July 30, 2013, 4:02 pm
Is that your dog???? So cute.
sarolabelle July 30, 2013, 5:03 pm
No…just a picture I found on google!
Copa July 30, 2013, 3:37 pm
Wendy, this summary reminded me of the website Television Without Pity, which is a GREAT thing. I laughed aloud a few times and I haven’t even seen this episode (but I’ve watched a couple of this season so I know all the people involved).
Paki July 30, 2013, 4:01 pm
@Copa – Television without pity is my favorite recap site. It is almost better than actually watching any of the shows.
TECH July 30, 2013, 5:10 pm
I’m a big Bachelor/Bachelorette fan. So happy you posted about this Wendy.
I felt like Brooks has been holding back all season. The problem with this show is that Des and the guys she is dating have only known each other 7 weeks, and have very little one on one time within those 7 weeks. You don’t really know someone after that short period of time. You might like the fantasy, but you don’t truly know them.
I think Brooks should have told her that he really likes her but would need time at home with her away from the cameras to see if this has the potential to lead to marriage. That way, he wouldn’t feel pressured to give her a ring at the end, but they would have the time and privacy and freedom to explore things at home.
Being in love is not being in pain. It’s mostly women who have that mentality. So it was interesting to hear Brooks say that — I guess it’s more prevalent among men than I thought.
Zepp July 31, 2013, 7:01 am
I didnt see the show, but maybe he just meant the pain of being apart? I’ve heard a lot of people say they knew they were not into someone because they didn’t miss them when they were apart.
redessa July 31, 2013, 5:12 pm
Yeah, he said something to her about basically not missing her when she’s off with the other guys.
Vathena July 31, 2013, 12:35 pm
Hah- my husband and I were betting that Brooks and Drew would ride into the sunset together. There is still time!!