It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “Not Into Helping My Friends Shower,” the woman who was creeped out by her (male) friend in a wheelchair who would ask for help showering and going to the bathroom. Keep reading to see how she’s handled the situation.
In our social group we have a friend, Joe, who has a severe mobility impairment. He has no intellectual issues but needs help doing even the most basic tasks such as eating, drinking, toileting, showering, etc. Joe uses a very technologically-complex wheelchair to aid in his mobility. I’ve invited him over to my house often and he really appreciates it as most people don’t want to deal with the “trouble.” It’s not much trouble — I just make sure there’s a path cleared for the chair, straws for his drinks, and help him get out of his chair for a bit if he’s there for a long period of time. There is…
A new one from the forums: Among my larger social group/community there’s a select 15-20 really good friends that I’d like to invite to my home for a private summer party. I know I could go to most of them and say, “This is invite-only, keep this hush hush” and I trust I will only have said respectable, responsible people on my property. My concern is one individual in particular. He’s a roommate of two of the people I want to invite, a work colleague of another, and probably most importantly my best friend’s boyfriend. I simply don’t like him how he and my friend alienate themselves as a couple and avoid…
My fiancé and I are getting married on May 17th in a very intimate immediate-family-only ceremony. We are celebrating with small dinner afterwards but no formal reception or anything. We decided to do it this way because we don’t really have the money for a big wedding. Over the last year I have been in three close friends’ weddings as a bridesmaid. These weddings involved travel, vacation time, expensive dresses, bachelorette party weekends, etc. I was happy to do all of these things because I love my friends and wanted to support them. So when I chose to do such a small wedding, I called all of my close friends and asked…
I am a 31-year old woman born and raised in NY. I recently married my partner of five years. Our relationship is solid. We would like to start planning to have a child. The problem? We have a group of very interesting, very awesome friends, none of whom are interested in marriage and certainly not children. We are already the odd ones for being married. I am starting to fear that once we have a child, we will have no one to relate to regarding parenthood. Now, I’m not saying my friends don’t care about us. I just feel like we are all going down very different paths and growing apart. One…
In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me: My husband and I have been married about two years, and everything has been going great except for one big area recently: his friends. We went to the same college and met there; as a result we have a lot of the same friends, so when I say his friends, I also consider them mine as well. I love them, they were in our wedding, we have great memories together, etc. Three male friends in particular happen to live in the city we moved to last…
I have been friends with Karen since grade school. Karen graduated from college a year after I did. When I graduated, I moved home and immediately began working full time and became closer with my friends from high school again. When Karen came home, I was still working, and she spent a lot of time lounging around, shopping, and pretending to look for a job. She would call me and text me several times a day, beginning as soon as she woke up in the morning and continuing well past my bedtime. I tried to make time for her, but my busy schedule didn’t allow for me to pay her all the…
I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years now, and we are still very much in love. The only thing we ever really argue about is when it comes time to hang out with his friends. I met his closest friends when we first started dating, and we initially all hit it off. I think that I was blinded by my infatuation. The more time that I spent with these people, the less time I wanted to spend with them. Occasionally, one of the guys will have a girlfriend I can relate to, but it never lasts long, and I think it is this downer friend group that kills the…
I am VERY happily married for almost a year to the man of my dreams. He is AMAZING in every possible way — he is loving, attentive, still takes me on dates, tells me daily how happy he is with me etc. — but, of course, there’s a catch. My husband’s best friend whom he has known his entire life drives me insane. They have been friends since birth. “T” lives next door to my in-law’s house and has for over 30 years. T and “A,” my husband, have done everything together their entire lives and continue to hang out together one day a week for their “man time,” playing video games,…
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