Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Comment of the Week

This site wouldn’t be what it is without the active participation of all of you. Your insightful, funny, smart comments add different perspectives and valuable advice that I’m sure goes a long way in helping others sort through the issues in their own relationships. There were a lot of great comments this week, but one in particular stood out and I wanted to highlight it alone. Sometimes I’ll read a comment and think, “That’s how I should have answered the letter!” After the jump, an example of one of those kinds of comments.

In the column “I’m Tired of Denying My Bisexual Desires” WatersEdge wrote:
“I agree that this LW should pursue women if she feels like she should. She doesn’t seem to know what she wants, exactly. I guess she wants the opportunity to explore her attraction to women and see exactly what she wants, whether she finds them more sexually and romantically fulfilling than men. And that’s fair. But I will say that we all want to explore our sexuality to its fullest, and we don’t all get that opportunity. A lot of people meet someone great earlier in their lives and settle down without sowing their oats. A lot of people have unexpected pregnancies and aren’t able to have a free, unstable life anymore for the welfare of their child. You have both those circumstances. I think it’s easy to say that your desires are unique and deserve to be fulfilled because you are with a man and you therefore can’t be with women. But that’s the nature of monogamy for everyone. Monogamy is a mature choice to give up all the opportunities to connect romantically with others and focus on nurturing only one relationship. So maybe this guy just isn’t the person for you. Or maybe you’re not ready to settle down in general. But I don’t think that the fact that you want to be with another person who happens to be a woman makes you exempt from the rules of monogamy that your boyfriend wants to live by.

I actually don’t see how the LW can win here, and that’s sad. I think that she will feel compelled to explore her relationships with women, and based on how she describes her boyfriend, it will probably break up their relationship. I think it’s very possible that after losing her boyfriend and dating for a while, she’ll miss what she had with him. People who you connect with long enough to stay together for 6 years, and who are a great parent to your child, are few and far between. It wouldn’t be worth it for me.”

Well said, well said.

12 comments… add one
  • callmehobo April 1, 2011, 3:07 pm

    Three cheers for WatersEdge! I think she captured the essences of what all of the commentors were trying to say.

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  • elisabeth April 1, 2011, 3:53 pm

    I remember this comment, I thought it was very well put. It’s so common to see people making their choices because they *feel* a certain way, going so far as to say they’re denying themselves freedom to which they are entitled if they don’t – even if that means hurting others in the process. I think there’s something to be said for making choices that *aren’t* easy, and following through on those choices. Too many people take the easy way out.

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    Liz April 1, 2011, 3:55 pm

    here, here

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  • Desiree April 1, 2011, 4:38 pm

    I loved this comment. It captured perfectly the nuances of the situation at hand. I hope the LW read it, because I think it is something she needs to hear.

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  • Addie Pray April 1, 2011, 4:45 pm


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  • HmC April 1, 2011, 6:47 pm

    I just happened to read a great comment by WatersEdge last night on The Frisky… it was on a Dater X article, and WatersEdge basically blasted her and said exactly what I was thinking, that Dater X was rationalizing and being illogical and immature. It was brilliant. Not stalking you or anything WatersEdge. 🙂

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    • MissDre April 4, 2011, 9:20 am

      oOoOo which article?

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      • WatersEdge April 4, 2011, 10:19 am

      • MissDre April 4, 2011, 10:23 am

        Ahh yes. I totally thought the same thing when I read it.

      • HmC April 4, 2011, 3:35 pm

        Yes that’s it. I thought it stood out particularly well in contrast to all the others who seemed to be drinking the dater X Kool Aid. No offense to the writer, I’m sure she’s a nice person and I hope things work out for her. But your comment was like my internal monologue while reading that article.

  • SpyGlassez April 2, 2011, 12:43 am

    Unlike HmC, I am stalking you, WatersEdge.

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  • WatersEdge April 3, 2011, 10:43 pm

    I am so ridiculously flattered! 🙂 🙂 🙂 I was away from the internet and just saw this now. As I always suspected, if you leave the internet for 5 minutes, something HUGE will happen that you will regret missing.

    HmC, I remember that post- she really bugged me, but it seems like things worked out for her so I was actually wrong— for now!

    SpyGlassez- You can’t be stalking me. I know for a fact that you’ve been going through your daily routine for the last 4 days…

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