Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Comments of the Week

This site wouldn’t be what it is without the active participation of all of you. Your insightful, funny, smart comments add different perspectives and valuable advice that I’m sure goes a long way in helping others sort through the issues in their own relationships. After the jump, some of the more memorable comments of the week (maybe you’ll even see your own!).


eel avocado in “I’m Sick of My Boyfriend Ignoring Me!” :”Like Wendy said, you need therapy. You have deep-rooted issues that need to be sorted out before you can have any fulfilling relationship. Also, you need to focus on YOU. Focus on finding new friends and new, fun activities. Ask a girlfriend if she wants to grab lunch. Go for a walk. Take a class. Do things that don’t involve your boyfriend. Then, when you do talk, you’ll have exciting things to talk about. You also won’t be so focused on him. This may be harsh, but your boyfriend has probably already thought about breaking up with you. And, given your behavior, he might. That is sad, and I’m sorry if that happens to you. But then take this as a lesson and focus on therapy and yourself to get yourself healed. You’ll lead a healthier, more fulfilling life (with or without a boyfriend) for years to come.”

Quakergirl in “My Boyfriend Has a Wife and Four Kids” :”Wow. No matter what the actual situation is (he’s divorced/separated/still married) this is not a good situation. In the absolute best case scenario, he’s a recently divorced loving father with four minor children, at least one of whom is suicidal, who depend on him completely for love and support and absolutely hate you because of their vindictive, jealous mother, leaving no room for you in his life. Read that out loud, LW, and tell me if that sounds like an insane thing to walk into. If it doesn’t, I don’t know what else to say to you to get the point across.

If he’s telling the truth, and you genuinely want to do the best thing for him because you love him, walk away. The best thing for him is to give him the time and mental energy to look after his children, get his life back together, and try to process the end of his marriage. If he’s lying, well, then screw him and do what’s best for you– walk away! In either case, this is not a relationship you should be in. Seriously.”

spaceboy761 in “Should I Ask Him Directly If He Loves Me?” :”FWIW, he seems like an emodouche. The whole ‘I would be capable of love if I could only overcome this intense emotional pain that only I comprehend’ act wears thin pretty quickly on most adults. Typically, people like that are only happy in intensely volatile relationships with people exactly like themselves. It’s a sweet match… they can scream and throw glasses at each other, have a wild makeup bang, and then chill out to some Conor Oberst. It’s also handy to have somebody to help you dip dye your hair because that can really make a mess.”

silver_dragon_girl in “I’m Pissed that My Boyfriend is Going to a Wedding Without Me” :”The more wedding advice letters I read here, the more determined I am to elope.”

Desiree in Your Turn: “My Boyfriend’s Cancer is Coming Between Us” : “Oh, goodness. I almost don’t know what to say. Here goes: your (essentially now ex) boyfriend is going through a traumatizing and expensive experience. You only had four normal months together before your relationship became long distance AND experienced a major challenge. You didn’t have the foundation built to handle this. Moreover, your boyfriend has checked out; you need to start referring to him as your ex. It sounds like, in addition to your arguments, he is projecting his stress onto you and the relationship. The only thing you can give him now is the space to get better. For what it is worth, reading between the lines, it sounds as though you two were perhaps not compatible enough to start.”

Sarah in “15 Things To Ask Your Potential Roommate Before You Sign a Lease” :
“#16 How much weed do you smoke in a room with closed windows?

#17 Hi, still on the weed thing. Can I buy you a fan? Do you have a phobia of window breeze?

#18 Seriously, I have put money away to buy you a fan. Industrial. Its meant for sweat shops. Let’s do this….No? Still comfortable with the eh, the closed window thing? Ok. That’s….that’s fine.

#19 Did you find your weed in between the breasts of an homeless prostitute, or is it just meant to smell that way? Ok, cool. Yeah, edgy, I get it.

#20 So….all my clothes smell like weed. My skin even smells like weed. My mom wants to have an intervention for me. I took my cat to the vet and she smelled like a Cheech and Chong movie. Nobody believes that I smell so much like weed from second hand smoke…. ANY chance you could crack a window?…yeah, the cops will smell it, right. No, no, I get it….eff the police, right? Ha ha…………….*sob*”

_jsw_ in “My Boyfriend Always Stares at Other Women” : “I almost always try to play Devil’s Advocate because I feel the people being discussed by a given LW have no defense, so I’ll try to give them the benefit of the doubt whenever possible.

I try really hard to see how the LW might be misinterpreting things and to, if possible see at least some way they could hope to resolve things well.

Here, I can’t do that.


Almost any man will, on occasion, be distracted by a beautiful woman. It happens. However, it shouldn’t happen often, and even when it does, it’s almost an instinctual reaction (actually, it probably is an instinctual reaction) and it’s very similar to having an itch. But… we don’t stare, unable to look back at you, and fall into deep sexually explicit fantasies about them. We look and, to be honest, probably picture them naked at times. But it’s just a look, and it’s not all the time, and it really shouldn’t be obvious.

Your boyfriend is a pig. I’m sorry if he’s had a rough past or been through a lot, but I strongly suspect he’s drawn to rolling in the mud and eating out of troughs.

It’s not you. It’s him. He’s a pig, and once you leave him, he will do the exact. same. thing. to the next woman.”

9 comments… add one
  • SGMcG May 27, 2011, 3:26 pm

    I am SO glad you included that emodouche comment. Following up on Spaceboy’s observation, and after someone voiced to see my tree, here are the notes I’ve got so far. All definitions derived with assistance from Merrian-Webster Online Dictionary.

    Biological Classification of Dater Hunter/Identifier Spaceboy761

    Order: Jerk (definition: an annoyingly stupid or foolish person – someone to MOA from)
    *Family: Douche (definition: an unattractive or offensive person)
    **Genus: Emodouche (definition: an emotionally unattractive or offensive person)
    ***Species: ^Emodoccia Autophobus (definition: the self-hating emodouche)
    ^Emodoccia Egotistica (definition: the self-aggrandizing emodouche)

    *Family: Tool (definition: a user or manipulative person)
    *Family: Asshole (definition: a stupid, incompetent, or detestable person)
    **Genus: Creepus (definition: an unpleasant or obnoxious person)
    **Species: ^Lechera porcus (definition: a hanger-on who seeks advantage or gain through crudely casting aside the feelings of another)

    If anyone in the DW universe with better html skills wishes to format the tree better, please do so.

    Reply Link
    • callmehobo May 27, 2011, 3:38 pm

      SGMcG, I think I have a nerd-girl crush on you!

      Reply Link
      • SGMcG May 27, 2011, 4:18 pm

        Wait…I just forgot some Genera identified by Spaceboy from the Family>Douche:
        **Genus: ^Testostedouche (definition: an unattractive or offensive person whose impulses are motivated through testosterone/sexual gratification)
        ^Chameleodouche (definition: an unattractive or offensive person whose impulses are motivated through notoriety/fame – aka, the scenester)

    • Rachelgrace53 May 27, 2011, 5:34 pm

      LOVE IT. I think we could definitely expand on it at some point, considering all the kinds of jerks we encounter in different letters.

      Reply Link
    • RoyalEagle0408 May 27, 2011, 8:33 pm

      We could probably go ahead and expand this to the Kingdom, Order and Phyla of this as well. Maybe Kingdom could be “Men”, and we could include Nice/Sweet/Good qualities at some point in the order/phyla category.

      Reply Link
      • SGMcG May 28, 2011, 12:18 am

        Hmmm…If one would go by the standard model of biological classification of
        the further up we go…the harder it gets to get things encompassed enough.

        Life: According to (insert name of individual here?)
        Domains: The Romantic Relationship (Other potential Domains: The Working? The Family? The Individual Relationship with Self?)
        Kingdom: Dating? (other potential Kingdoms in the Romantic Relationship Domain only: Married? Broken? Platonics? Expecting?)
        Classes: None yet…(Potential Classes in Dating: Keepers? and MOA?)
        Orders: Jerks* (no other orders identified in Dating Kingdom yet)
        Family: (in the order Jerks – Douches, Tools, Assholes)
        Genus: Only a few identified so far
        Species: Only a few identified so far

        For purposes of the DW universe classifications, it would be easier to limit them to just Classes>Orders>Family>Genus>Species.

      • Rachelgrace53 June 1, 2011, 9:17 pm


  • _jsw_ May 27, 2011, 4:04 pm

    I have to say that Sarah’s comment still cracks me up, every single time I read it.

    Reply Link
  • Avatar photo

    eel avocado May 28, 2011, 11:09 am

    Thank you, Wendy! That made my day!

    Reply Link

Leave a Comment