This site wouldn’t be what it is without the active participation of all of you. Your insightful, funny, smart comments add different perspectives and valuable advice that I’m sure goes a long way in helping others sort through the issues in their own relationships. After the jump, some of the more memorable comments of the week (maybe you’ll even see your own!).
SGMcG in “I’m in Love with my Roommate” : “I hate to question your feelings in this situation LW, but are you sure you are in love with her? Maybe seeing your roommate hook-up with her ex-husband triggered some needs that you wanted for yourself. It may be that you were just lonely and looking for love and attention and your roommate is the most logical choice to turn to since she is already there. Have you tried going on a few dates with different people to see if your feelings for your roommate diminish? If you haven’t, perhaps you could do that before you talk to her. Who knows – by making yourself desirable to other women, it could start to make her desirable to you.”
mf in “I Don’t Want to Spend a Whole Weekend with my Ex” : ”
1. Look fabulous. Work out religiously till the wedding, invest in a killer dress, get a facial, etc. etc. etc.
2. Bring a date or friend if the bride and groom will allow it. (If your “friend” happens to be a Ryan Reynolds look-a-like, then good for you.)
3. Someone else said it first, but it’s worth repeating: don’t drink too much!
4. Offer to help the bride with some of her day-of tasks. You won’t have time to stand around and awkwardly chat with the ex if you’re busy handing out programs, helping hang pew bows, or babysitting the flower girl.
5. Don’t let your douchey ex ruin a perfectly fun wedding for you! Have an amazingly awesome time just to spite him :)”
Skyblossom in “I Keep Thinking About Cheating”: “Recent research has been finding that those who cheat are high in narcissism and low in empathy. Empathy is when you feel the pain others feel. Those who didn’t cheat were high in empathy. The thought of the pain that they would cause their partner and children was enough to stop them from cheating. Besides saying no to yourself, which is an excellent idea, think about the pain your partner would experience if you cheated. Everytime you feel the temptation balance that temptation by feeling the pain your partner would feel if you cheated on him. Practice empathy.”
Budjer in “I Keep Thinking About Cheating” :”Sorry if this is a little tough, but I lost a lot of empathy reading the line “If I wanted him I could *probably* have him”. The thoughts in my head when I’m committed to someone and in a relationship only go as far as “wow, she’s hott” when I see an attractive stranger.”
Sarah in Your Turn: “My Boyfriend Has Become a Felon” :”Okay, I’m biased since I work with criminal defendants. But I would encourage you to take a look at the substance of the crime–and NOT the fact that it’s a crime itself–when deciding whether this is behavior that you can live with. It’s my opinion that society criminalizes all sorts of things that I…don’t really have a problem with personally. Let’s say, hypothetically, that I don’t think that marijuana use should be criminalized. And the person I’m with uses marijuana. I probably don’t have a problem with that, right? Should my not-having-a-problem-with-that change all of a sudden if he happens to get caught by the po with the marijuana? My answer is probably not–if my not-having-a-problem-with-it was a principled stand before he got caught, then it behooves me to stick by principles (i.e. using mj is okay) and therefore not to let his getting caught with mj be a dealbreaker when his using it (without getting caught) wasn’t.
I do understand that others may disagree–for some people, “breaking the law” as such is always a big deal. But I’ve seen too many BS laws for me to take that view, so for me, looking to the substance of the behavior is the most important thing. If you decide that you’re down with the substance of the behavior, but the label of “felony” is tripping you up, try thinking of it as a “youthful indiscretion”–that’s what politicians do.
(None of which is to say, of course, that binge drinkings and getting violent and belligerent and destroying property are necessarily things you should put up with. Again, that’s the substantive behavior, though, that I think you should be assessing when you decide whether this episode is a dealbreaker–NOT that he “broke the law” or will suffer legal consequences.)”
LSS86 in Your Turn: “My Boyfriend Has Become a Felon” : “I’m kind of surprised at all the people saying that this isn’t a big deal. Your boyfriend becoming so belligerent that he kicks down doors is pretty damn scary. Sure, it might be an isolated incident. And maybe he won’t ever touch a drink again. But what if he does? I would be pretty scared to be around someone who I knew could (and would) do that kind of damage.
Everyone is also saying that the felony charge isn’t a big deal. I don’t know anything about what qualifies a felony/misdemeanor, but if he does get a felony charge, that’s a big f*cking deal. That affects your whole life. As a couple others have pointed out, renting an apartment might be difficult, if he tries to get a new job, a lot of doors will be closed, and even his business might suffer from a conviction – might lose customers, could affect his insurance policies, could possibly even result in his business license being revoked (you’d have to do research to see what the specific repercussions are in your state).
That doesn’t necessarily mean you should leave him, but please do not take this situation lightly. It is a big deal.”
Lexington in “I Caught Him In Bed with Another Woman!” : “I’m going to get metaphorical here: normally I don’t believe in taking the pots. But if there was ever a situation to do it, this would be it! TAKE THE FUCKING POTS.”
spaceboy761 in “I Caught Him In Bed with Another Woman!” : “All I can think about is what the hell kind of relationships has the LW had in the past to consider this one indispensable? This guy is an alcoholic who sees no issues with having an unprotected sofa-to-bed turbobang with some random chick he met at the gym. Way to pick a winner.
The “I don’t want to betray his trust” line is too sad to be funny and too funny to be sad.”