The Huffington Post recently collected some of their favorite wedding-related ads from Craigslist’s “Best of” section — hmm, would something like that be a fun new feature on DW?? — which include brides looking for “hot” bridesmaids and basically renting a husband for a month to make sure married life doesn’t suck before taking the plunge. Here are a couple of my favorites:
Best Man Needed!:
Ok, so I’m backing out on my cousin last minute, and I before I do it, I need someone lined up to take my place, because I’m not sure that he’ll be able to find someone at such short notice.Pay is $200+ (negotiable), plus a night in the hotel in question (I’ll sacrafice my room there for the right candidate).
You MUST have comprehensive experience in this position, have a TUX (because the one I have might not fit you), and have transport to and from the locations (to be divulged to selected candidate, but it’s in Holyoke).”
What constitutes “comprehensive experience in this position,” I wonder? And do you think you have to submit a resume and list any special skills you might have?
This gives me the sads:
Searching for bridesmaids:
“So, my fiancee [sic] and I are getting married in June. He has 8 groomsmen lined up and I only have one bridesmaid. So, I need some girls who are attractive and around my age to stand up in my wedding. You can be single or taken. It doesn’t matter…you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me. Email me for more information. The wedding will be in Madison and you won’t have to pay for a thing. Hope to hear from you!”
And this one is just awesome:
Exchange cockatiel for wedding ring?
“I would like to trade this wonderful pet (cage and all his paraphernalia included) for a wedding ring. The ideal candidate would be a deaf woman who recently broke off her engagement and is looking for a hands-off companion. If you know someone, please pass along this posting.”
Great, now the productive afternoon I had planned is shot to hell as I spend the rest of the day — well, the rest of Jackson’s nap, anyway — scouring Craigslist for more funny ads…
[via Huffington Post]
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lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 1:03 pm
YES! Best of would be awesome. Now I’ll read the rest…
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 1:05 pm
And people say there are no jobs out there in this ecomony.
JK June 25, 2012, 1:12 pm
That bridesmaid one is really sad. I guess it´s not very surprising the bride doesn´t have more people she can call on. Plus, seriously? the amount of people on either side has to be matching? And what would you even say when someone asked how the bridesmaids and bride know each other? And finally, I´m pretty sure people know how popular (or unpopular) you are, renting bridesmaids to appear to be popular?
I hate these wedding circus things. In case anyone couldn´t tell. 🙂
Riefer June 25, 2012, 2:50 pm
It’s also pretty crazy that her fiance has 8. 8! Dude, narrow it down a bit! You don’t have to have every one of your drinking buddies up there!
If I were in this situation, I’d just have my maid of honour beside me, and the guys lined up evenly on either side. It would look pretty nice.
Also, if she has any guy friends she could ask them.
Caris June 25, 2012, 3:39 pm
But they are all way hotter than she is!
mellanthe January 17, 2020, 4:27 am
When she basically says “Has to be hot, but not hotter than me”, does she think someone’s gonna volunter themselves to be uglier than her? And for what reward, exactly? Entertainment?
bittergaymark June 25, 2012, 1:23 pm
Wow, many straight people REALLY don’t get what important about marriage at all… Interesting. Finally, I understand the ever increasing divorce rate.
JK June 25, 2012, 1:27 pm
How dare you say that Mark? Don´t you know that weddings are sacred? 😉
landygirl June 25, 2012, 1:44 pm
Buckle up, eventually gay people will be making all the same mistakes as straights when the unconstituional law is overturned!! Stupid isn’t bound to heterosexuality.
bittergaymark June 25, 2012, 1:58 pm
Prove it. 😉 Seriously, prove it.
rachel June 25, 2012, 2:03 pm
I’ve heard just as much relationship drama from my gay friends as my straight friends. So, I would imagine when they can get married, they’ll make the same dumb mistakes there too.
Lili June 25, 2012, 2:04 pm
Working on making gay marriage legal as fast as I can–i’m only one person, but I hope enough unite to make it possible here at least!!!
rachel June 25, 2012, 2:07 pm
Oh, that’s probably what he meant by prove it. Sadly, I don’t think I’ll be able to do much on that front in Oklahoma. Though, it’ll probably be quite interesting to try!
bittergaymark June 25, 2012, 2:11 pm
Yeah, that was exactly my point actually…
katie June 25, 2012, 2:12 pm
I agree, BGM.
Gays will only start doing the same dumb things as heterosexuals with regards to the pageantry of marriage when it is fully accepted (still far off, even if it gets legalized) and expected (I suspect parents of gays do not push marriage and children like they would to heterosexuals). But, in time, maybe.
FancyPants June 25, 2012, 5:18 pm
Hahah oh man. It’s only been legal in NYS for a year or so now, and I know definitely one mother of the bride in a lesbian wedding who is PUMPED. Like, why won’t you girls let me order monogramed napkins/I can’t wait to invite all of my friends/I found a double bride cake topper that looks like both of you ISN’T IT ADORABLE?!?!? pumped. It’s a bit heartwarming when you think about how far the world has come.
JK June 25, 2012, 2:15 pm
Here it IS legal (yay!) and the 1st lesbian couple ot get married in one of the provinces got divorced… 6 weeks later.
FireStar June 25, 2012, 2:19 pm
That sounds like it had Dear Wendy written all over it!
Caris June 25, 2012, 2:26 pm
-_-
bittergaymark June 25, 2012, 2:53 pm
That’s shocking that it was lesbians….
JK June 25, 2012, 2:54 pm
Let me guess, they fucked up because they´re women, right? 🙂
bittergaymark June 25, 2012, 3:10 pm
No, I merely meant that lesbian relationships usually are much more stable… There is that running joke — what does a lesbian bring on a second date? A U-Haul! Typically lesbians have a much tough tim MOAing… Gay guys though are pretty damn fickle, it seems.
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 3:28 pm
That’s surprising. Here in NY (where its legal), I’ve heard of a ton of lesbian divorces.
bittergaymark June 25, 2012, 3:36 pm
Oh, I’m sure it happens. But after six weeks? Yeah, that’s pretty fucked up and stupid.
Caris June 25, 2012, 3:36 pm
Maybe they were like OMG we can get married let’s go do it, without actually putting any thought into it.
bittergaymark June 25, 2012, 3:37 pm
A likely possibility, yes.
JK June 25, 2012, 3:45 pm
It was a 46 year old and a 26 year old, apparently the 26 year old was cheating on her wife with an ex.
JK June 25, 2012, 3:46 pm
Sorry, I thought you were beig sarcastic!
Kate B. June 25, 2012, 4:01 pm
I have a gay friend who says that all they have to do is realize how much money can be made off these weddings and gay marriage will be legalized in a snap.
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 4:07 pm
Been hearing that argument about pot for a lifetime.
bittergaymark June 25, 2012, 4:10 pm
Yeah, the money factor in both situation should really turn people’s heads, but those that need turning the most are too stupid to think outside the box… That’s the one thing I keep having to remind myself —- that at least 70 percent of the average americans are just woefully stupid to the point of borderline being mentally challenged…
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 4:12 pm
Only 70%? 🙂
bittergaymark June 25, 2012, 4:27 pm
That was me trying NOT to get reamed here. But yeah, truth be told? I do think it’s closer to 90 percent. Seriously. What we need is a stupidity virus, some horrible disease that simply wipes out all the stupid people… If I was a mad scientist — meaning if I were a scientist as God knows I am already decidedly mad — that’s what I’d be working on…
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 4:32 pm
Everyone knows God doesn’t believe in scientists you silly billy.
(i’m extra goofy today)
FireStar June 25, 2012, 7:13 pm
You don’t know about the 80/20 rule?
Skyblossom June 25, 2012, 4:38 pm
Things are improving and more rapidly than I would have expected, even if it isn’t fast enough. I grew up in a tiny, midwestern farming community where gay was weird. So 30 years ago gay was strange and unacceptable and young gay men who wanted to live with a partner moved to California. So 5 years ago a young gay man in his 20s moved back to town after having gone to chef school and opened a restaurant and everyone was going to his restaurant and they could care less that he was gay. It wasn’t weird, his family wasn’t embarrassed and all of the bachelor farmers were eating their meals in his restaurant and I realized that probably a bunch of those bachelor farmers were gay men who had never been able to come out of the closet and they did all they could to support the young gay man who could live his life openly. If that can happen in a small, conservative, rural community it is happening all over.
landygirl June 25, 2012, 9:41 pm
Hmmmm Pete Burns is a hot mess.
Caris June 25, 2012, 2:33 pm
“you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me.”
1) THAN
2) Seriously? No wonder she has only 1 bridesmaid. And isn’t 8 groomsmen way too many groomsmen anyway?
And what kind of heartless person gives away their pet for a stupid ring.
rachel June 25, 2012, 2:37 pm
I assumed that maybe the bride-to-be gave him an ultimatum about the annoying bird.
Caris June 25, 2012, 3:30 pm
Why would you marry someone that doesn’t like your pet 🙁
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 3:38 pm
Maybe they are allergic?
Caris June 25, 2012, 3:40 pm
Hmm
jlyfsh June 25, 2012, 3:46 pm
i guess but why get serious to the point of marriage with someone that doesn’t like pets if you do? marrying someone who wanted dogs was a must for me though, so i never dated anyone seriously who didn’t want pets.
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 3:48 pm
Maybe they just don’t like their pets so much that they are willing to not be with a human over it?
jlyfsh June 25, 2012, 4:11 pm
and that’s fine, to each their own. but, especially in this example, exchanging a pet for a ring? if less people like that owned pets there wouldn’t be the need for all the animal shelters. pets aren’t something to just get rid of when they are no longer convenient. but, once again just my opinion. i realize it’s not a deal breaker for everyone.
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 4:15 pm
Oh I’m not saying its right or wrong. I personally am not a big pet person, but still would feel like an asshole if I gave it away. But who knows what the backstory on this is. And hey, its better than just offing the poor animal, assuming he’s finding a nice home for the pet he can no longer care for. One more thought, a lot of people get rid of “prized possessions” when they need money for something important (don’t mean to call a pet a possession, but you get what I mean).
Caris June 25, 2012, 4:19 pm
Yea well but a pet is not a piece of furniture (jewelry,clothing,etc) 😐
rachel June 25, 2012, 4:26 pm
lbh, I think if you’re not a pet person, you just won’t be able to get why this makes those of us who are sad. Nothing wrong with that, just I think, when you think of a pet, and when I (and Caris, and Jlyfsh) think of a pet, it is different.
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 4:27 pm
Right. That’s exactly why I said “(don’t mean to call a pet a possession, but you get what I mean).”
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 4:28 pm
Yes, sigh, I totally understand some people, many people, think of their pets as their best friend or a family member. That’s WHY I added my caveats. I’m simply trying to point out the potential other side.
rachel June 25, 2012, 4:30 pm
No, I totally understand. I actually was trying to point it out just so it didn’t end up being a big debate, because I think it’s a personal thing.
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 4:32 pm
🙂 I like you rachel
rachel June 25, 2012, 4:38 pm
Haha, thanks 🙂
theattack June 25, 2012, 4:21 pm
I assumed he wasn’t crazy about his bird since he didn’t even say anything about wanting it to go to a loving home. He just said he wanted a deaf girl with a broken engagement.
bittergaymark June 25, 2012, 4:23 pm
The bird one actually made me very sad…
People. Seriously. Fucking. Suck.
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 4:30 pm
Oh right, forgot about the deaf part. Obviously the guy is sick of his headache enducing bird. People get divorced from humans for the same reason (headache enducing wives). I’m surprised, given that, that BGM’s sticking up for the bird…
😉
bittergaymark June 25, 2012, 4:53 pm
I actually thought the add was posted by a women who no longer needed the bird now that she was getting married… That was my take.
bittergaymark June 25, 2012, 5:03 pm
Yeah, people need to think BEFORE they buy pets. This just makes me sad. People have no respect for animals anymore. And that why I have no respect for people. Seriously, people fucking suck. We deserve to go extinct. And soon.
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 5:07 pm
I guess I’m a jerk, I found it kinda funny.
The guy hates this bird though, that doesn’t mean he’s the worst person ever. The bird does sound like a PITA. Now of course, he’s not super nice to the gf by getting rid of the bird she loves…I think its time for a ultimatum. Bird or me? Would you guys really dump your long term SO over a bird that hasn’t been around as long?
Jessibel5 June 25, 2012, 5:20 pm
I read the linked bird post, and besides just basically thinking this dude is a crappy human being for trying to get rid of the bird, one thing popped into my head:
Why can virtually no one on the internet spell “lose” correctly? Why do so may spell it “loose”? I don’t get why this one mistake is so common. It makes me fully believe in BGM’s theory that 90% of the people are stupid…
Caris June 25, 2012, 5:20 pm
If they got the bird when they were already together they should have thought about it, instead of just getting one. And I do have to wonder if the guy talked to his gf about giving the bird away.
Like Mark said, people need to THINK BEFORE getting a pet. I hate ppl who get a pet thinking it would be fun and then throw it somewhere far away from their house cause turns out the pet annoys them.
JK June 25, 2012, 5:27 pm
@jessibel: I know!!! It´s one of my pet spelling/grammar peeves, right up there with grammer (esp. when people call themselves “grammer nazi”), and the whole there/their/they´re thing.
Jessibel5 June 25, 2012, 5:30 pm
Every easter one of the local animal shelters around here puts out a huge campaign basically begging people not to get their kids bunnies and chicks for easter, because they end up getting abandoned a few weeks later. Especially when the chicks lose their fluffy cuteness and turn into chickens, which are decidedly less cute and kind of vicious, actually. Pets shouldn’t be surprise gifts, ever. I’m okay with them being a gift if the recipient and the giver have discussed it beforehand, and are capable and willing to give the pet the care it needs and deserves, but “hey, I brought home a puppy! Merry Christmas/Happy Birthday/I love you, here’s a fluffy present!” is not okay.
Jessibel5 June 25, 2012, 5:37 pm
@JK-I guess I’m just perplexed at how OFTEN the mistake is made. It’s not even a homonym, and is pronounced differently.
Now, I misspell words plenty, but I guess that what kills me is that SO MANY people make the same mistake.
Masturbate is another one that I’ve noticed lately is frequently misspelled. It makes me want to say “Dear people of the interwebs, learn how to spell masturbate correctly, or you lose all privileges to perform this act”
It would never be spelled incorrectly again. Except by Christine O’Donnell.
Jessibel5 June 25, 2012, 5:43 pm
As a matter of fact, I know someone who once wrote something about “loosing [her]virginity” and I kind of wanted to ask her “did you let it off its leash?” and had this image of her virginity roaming down a hall after breaking free from its chains. Totally disturbing, I know.
rachel June 25, 2012, 4:57 pm
The article links to the actual post.
Sounds like he is conspiring behind his girlfriend’s back? Dick move.
bethany June 25, 2012, 4:39 pm
I never would have dated my husband had he not liked animals. Being a pet lover is a HUGE part fo who I am, and I wouldn’t be happy with someone who didnt’ also share that interest.
That’s one of the few things mu husband and I actually have in common!
rachel June 25, 2012, 4:42 pm
I feel all warm inside when my pets are cuddled up with my boyfriend 🙂
Jessibel5 June 25, 2012, 5:23 pm
Part of the appeal of my husband when I first met him was that he had a dog. I was casually dating two guys at the same time and was pretty compatible with both of them, but the fact that my husband had a dog gave him an edge. (that and he wasn’t a career bartender like the other guy, their schedule is so not conducive to dating) Now the dog is MINE!!! Except when he does something bad, then he’s totally my husband’s dog.
Jessibel5 June 25, 2012, 5:25 pm
Is that weird that I kind of picked my husband over the other guy because I loved the dog so much? I think part of it also was that I saw what a nurturing person my husband could be in his interactions with Puppydog (yeaaah, that’s what we call him, no imagination, I know) and it hints at what a good father he’s going to be.
bethany June 26, 2012, 10:09 am
We have 2 cats, and 1 (in my picture) is a big baby… And seeing how my husband treats him sometimes just confirms that he’s going to be an awesome father one day (if we decide to have kids).
rachel June 25, 2012, 3:48 pm
Probably for the same reason you’d marry a woman crazy enough to hire out bridesmaid duties so the sides match.
Anna June 25, 2012, 7:58 pm
I would mostly agree but what if it was a pet you really couldn’t bear to be in the same room with? My best friend just let her boyfriend and her son get a pet snake. I would never allow a snake in my house. They just creep me out so much and what if they get loose in the house? I really don’t think I’ll be able to sleep at her house anymore.
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 2:44 pm
Everyone knows you are only allowed a maximum of 6 groomsmen!
bagge72 June 25, 2012, 2:54 pm
Yes, I just made it, because I have 6! She only has 5 so I am taking applications on here!
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 2:55 pm
Hahaha! I nominate Addie Pray.
bagge72 June 25, 2012, 3:02 pm
That would be tough, because I would also want her in a tux lining up next to me!
Caris June 25, 2012, 3:35 pm
she can be a bridesmaid for one half of the wedding and a grooms(wo)man for the other half 😀
Addie Pray June 25, 2012, 6:33 pm
Aw, yes, I’d love to be a grooms(wo)man!
My senior year of high school I was (wait for it) Student Body Prez, elected at the end of my junior year. It was tradition for the Stu Body Gov’t elect people to work the seniors’ graduation. All this to say, for that class’s graduation, the 4 of us incoming Stu Gov dorks wore tuxes. I was the only girl, so I wore a tux (on top) with — what do you call those long tux jackets with a tail? I wore that — but with a black pencil skirt and heals, and it was so cool. The coolest I’ve ever looked. (Remember, I peaked in high school.) I’ve been looking for an excuse to wear that outfit again ever since. Though, I guarantee you NOTHING from that outfit still fits me.
Today was my first day of work. I’m exhausted. I don’t remember how I used to work a full day and do yoga and do Dear Wendy and all those important daily things!
What did I miss today?
bagge72 June 26, 2012, 2:51 pm
I missed a lot yesterday, my work computer stopped letting me on DW!
Caris June 25, 2012, 3:34 pm
Lol. All the groomsmen/bridesmaid thing is so weird to me. You don’t see weddings with them here in Argentina. But what do I know. I think I only went to like 2 weddings in my life.
I feel bad for the groom, he has all this friends and his SO has like none apparently? I’m wondering now, does she not have any female friends/relatives? Did everyone say no to her? Is everyone in the wedding not a female? :s OR maybe all her friends are way hotter than she is :O
In all seriousness though, isn’t 8 way too many? :S
lets_be_honest June 25, 2012, 3:41 pm
From the weddings I’ve been to, the norm in US seems to be anywhere between 3 and 9.
katie June 25, 2012, 3:44 pm
i dont think its bad to have the 8 people closest to you stand up with you. i do think its bad for then your fiance to feel the need to pay people she doesnt even know so that the sides will be “even”… if he wants all 8 of his friends, let him have them. if she has one, let her have them. it will all be ok and no will remember/care about it.
theattack June 25, 2012, 4:23 pm
I used to think that most weddings had around 4 bridesmaids, but I’ve seen so many weddings with 6-9 people lately that I’m probably wrong.
Kristina June 25, 2012, 3:18 pm
How is that not incredibly awkward to have someone you don’t even know in your wedding pictures?
Caris June 25, 2012, 3:29 pm
Who cares about the pictures. It’s awkward that they are in the wedding in the first place.
rachel June 25, 2012, 3:31 pm
I think if I were one of the bridesmaids who was actually a FRIEND of the bride, I would look around and wonder if she even wanted me there.
Kristina June 25, 2012, 3:43 pm
Yeah, but pictures last a lifetime..I can imagine a couple trying to explain to their future kids how “important” it was for them to have even numbers that they hired random people to stand there.
Caris June 25, 2012, 3:53 pm
Lol
“Well and here is one of the girls I hired to be my bridesmaid cause I wanted to have as many bridesmaids as there were groomsmen”
“But why did you need them to be even grandma?”
“Because having as many bridesmaids as groomsmen is the MOST important part of the wedding!”
…
AKchic_ June 25, 2012, 3:46 pm
*shudder*
Complete idiots.