My name is Karen but I think of myself as more of a “Veronica”! I always wear red lipstick, I like to cuss and I know where it’s at! I once got so dunk I ate a box of cigarettes! Here’s my question: I recently left a staff position and now work freelance. Should I close out my 401k and open a Roth IRA instead? Also, what are your thoughts on zero coupon bonds? Catch ya later! — Karen
I like to sit in a chair on the balcony. It’s so much fun! I can look at the trees and the flowers and take long naps in the shade. Sometimes I walk right to the edge of the balcony and peek my head through the bars of the railing. I think of what it would be like to be an airline pilot. To command the respect of my passengers and crew. After a long flight maybe we’d all head to the hotel bar, have some drinks and tell funny stories. I would still be wearing my uniform and I would put my pilot’s cap on the bar right next to my drink.
I am not a religious man but I fear my soul is in danger. Do you believe in eternal damnation or do you think, for better or worse, we live in a senseless universe where the only law is chaos? Also, do you or your readers have any suggestions on how to remove bloodstains from a car trunk or quickly dispose of a large body? I am in the desert but without a shovel and my car battery is dying. Just askin’. — Andrew Condell
I eat too much food and I eat it much too quickly. I can’t stop myself. I eat especially fast when I am nervous. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. THERE IS SOMETHING IN THE WALLS! I KNOW THERE IS!
I am now in the bathroom as a punishment for meowing too loudly. I didn’t even realize I was doing that. Am I so far gone I can no longer hear my own meows? What have I become?
Is 14 too many? Gary says it is, but Gary says a lot of things. Gary also used to think he was the smartest kid in school even though he almost got left behind in Ms. Berrelson’s class. He is right about some things, I suppose. Maybe 14 is too many. But I don’t think it is. — Evelyn
I ate a leaf off the plant by the window sill. I feel terrible. I wish I knew how to read and write. If I knew how to read and write I would enter the New Yorker cartoon caption contest every week! I would write some really funny captions believe you me! I have to lie down for a while. I feel lousy.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].