It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss the perils of whirlwind romances, letting someone down easy, and when to leave the Jr. High games to the kiddies (answer: always).
There are lots of possible reasons he pursued a whirlwind romance with you and then went MIA as soon as he returned home — maybe he had a girlfriend back at school he was cheating on, maybe he was just using you for sex, maybe he really liked you but quickly realized how impractical a long distance relationship would be at this point in his life, maybe he really liked you and then got back to school and met someone else he likes and this girl’s a lot closer. Regardless what his reason was, he’s made himself clear — he’s no longer interested in pursuing anything with you — and you should save your sanity and quit trying to figure out what his deal is and just MOA. There are other fish in the sea.
I’d make it about yourself by saying something along the lines of, “You’re a wonderful guy any woman would be lucky to have and I’d definitely consider a romantic relationship with after you’ve healed from your divorce. Until then, I just don’t want to risk my own heart being broken by getting romantically involved with someone who’s still so torn up over his last relationship. Besides that, I think I can be better support to you right now as a friend, without the drama a romantic relationship might create.”
He started getting annoyed by all the questions, which led to him acting different around me. After a horrible day at work, and him being so closed off, I texted him to make sure he was okay. He then said he’s had a lot of stuff to take care of in and outside of work and that having people trying to play matchmaker wasn’t helping. He said that he likes me but doesn’t want to date me nor anyone else for reasons he didn’t want to discuss and he apologized. I accepted it and let him know I was there for him if he ever needed anything. Since then, we barely talk. I feel as if everything I say he disregards or finds idiotic. It’s been this way for about a month now.
Today, my good friend, who lives about 600 miles away, told me about his feelings for me. He’s the sweetest guy I know and wants the best for me, but I don’t know we could work with the distance. A part of me wants to be with him, but another part doesn’t want to give up my green-eyed boy at work. I would love some advice on being stuck between the two choices. — Torn from Oklahoma
How can you give up something you don’t have? Get some self-respect, quit waiting around for Green-eyed boy to change his mind about dating you, and live your life already. P.S. Sending your friends to ask whether a guy likes you isn’t sexy.
*If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to follow me on Twitter.