It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I met a guy a few months ago out at a bar. We exchanged numbers and talked every once in a while. He lived about an hour away from me and we never really followed through with plans until my friend and I went one night to the beach town where he lives. We had so much fun and he was REALLY COOL. We went to a holiday party on a boat around the peninsula he lives on. He was really my type, and his friends and family were cool, too. We had A LOT To drink. I NEVER have sex with random guys, or with anyone I don’t know well. I usually wait until we’ve hung out a lot and I feel like they like me for me. Well, we ended up having sex. Now I feel insecure, like he’s going to think I do that all the time when I don’t. It’s been two days since I slept over, and we only texted the next day and that’s it. But before this happened, we had been texting every day for like a week…so I don’t know if I’m being paranoid or what, but I just feel like, any chance there was. I messed it up by sleeping with him and he’s just going to think I’m a drunk slut. Your advice is much appreciated. — Not a Drunk Slut
Look, sleeping with someone early on doesn’t ruin your shot if there was never enough actual interest to pursue a relationship in the first place. If anything, sleeping together quickly speeds up what organically would have transpired eventually anyway. If this guy were SUPER interested, he’d probably be in touch with you more than he has been, both after you slept with him and BEFORE you slept with him. After all, it took YOU going to see HIM for anything to happen. Now, it’s his turn to make plans with you, and, if he doesn’t do so within a week, it’s safe to assume he’s just not interested. But not because you’re a “drunk slut.” I mean, you don’t think HE is a drunk slut, do you? And you didn’t do anything he didn’t also do.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years now and we just started living together. It’s been a rocky relationship, a real roller-coaster ride through the years, but we’ve always managed to make it. Recently, now that we live together, every night becomes a battle between the both of us. He is pretty close with his family (cousins, uncles, aunts, etc.), and every night he wants to leave our place and go hang with them. Whether he hung out with them the night before or not, he always seems to want to put them first. We have opposite work schedules, so I understand when he sees his family when I’m at work and we can’t really hang out, but, when I’m home, he still leaves to go see them. And some nights he’ll stay out till 1 or 2 in the morning with them. It’s getting to the point where I don’t even want to be in a relationship with him anymore. I really need some help with this because I don’t think I can make it really any longer. And before we moved in with each other, he basically lived with the family he is always with. So it constantly upsets me that he can hang out day after day with them, but barely one day with me. — Can’t Take it Anymore
MOA! And in the future, don’t move in with someone you have a “rocky, roller-coaster” relationship with, who never spends time with you because he’s always with other people. I don’t know why you expected things to change or get better AFTER you moved in. If things aren’t good BEFORE you start living together, they aren’t going to improve once you share the same address.
My daughter invited me for Christmas, then informed me that my ex-husband would also be in attendance. I said I would suck it up and be there anyway. In the meanwhile, my son, who has lost everything, decided to come visit me. I told my daughter and she said he is not invited for Christmas dinner!!! As a mother, I am so hurt. I had a rough year with breast cancer, and feel my daughter, who is so successful in her life, should consider me and put all aside and invite her brother over. I am willing to be with my ex on Christmas — can’t she at least tolerate her benign brother for a few hours??? — Caught in the Middle
Well, apparently not, sadly. Whatever reason she has for being estranged from her brother is obviously still painful enough that she is not willing to invite him into her home, even for your benefit, even for Christmas. For the sake of your relationship with her, you need to accept this decision and either decide to stop by her place for a couple hours without your son, or as graciously as you can, let your daughter know you’ll have to sit this one out since your son will now be visiting and you don’t want to leave him alone on Christmas since he isn’t invited to the family gathering. Unless you also want to be estranged from her, I wouldn’t press this. It’s her right to invite or not invite whom she wants, though I understand why you’re hurt by her decision.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].