She did not even wish me congratulations. She called me two weeks later at midnight, drunk, to tell me she wanted to start trying immediately, and congrats. Very odd! During my entire pregnancy, I think she asked how the baby was maybe two times. I saw her once as well (they live in another state).
Once my daughter was born it took one week for my brother-in-law to call (after my husband told his brother to) and two weeks for my SIL to call (after I told my mother-in-law that she had not called). I had to send them a text message to wish them congrats on becoming an aunt and uncle to even get a text response which was a few days after my daughter’s birth.
We all went on vacation together when my daughter was two months old, and they did not want to be around her at all. I made every attempt on our trip to go with the flow — not to complain when they wanted to go to restaurants that did not allow strollers or had other issues that made it difficult for us with a newborn. My sister-in-law was having a bad day and decided to scream at me about my daughter, saying that she was sick of having to hover over my daughter. Crazy!!! I never asked anything of anyone the entire vacation. They did not even hold her.
My daughter is 10 months old now and my husband and I are yet to get a text, phone call or email asking how she is. My sister-in-law is now five months pregnant. It took her a year to get pregnant and I am very happy for them. However, it is hard to want to do anything or go out of my way to show them that I’m happy for them. I am incredibly hurt. I still call and text most times without a response just to see how everything is going in her pregnancy.
Now my question: my mother-in-law is going to give her a baby shower that she will fly in for. Do I have to help? — Bitter SIL
Short answer: No. Just send a gift and a card and be done with it. Longer answer: why do you keep trying? Obviously, your SIL doesn’t really care about you, your husband, or your baby. That’s her problem. I’m sorry that you don’t have the relationship you’d like to have with her, but this bitterness and resentment that keeps building up isn’t going to help. So, just quit trying so hard. Set some boundaries, and lower your expectations way down. Stop texting and calling to ask how her pregnancy is going. And just accept that she doesn’t want a relationship with you. Focus instead on the people who DO want a relationship with you and your daughter. Do you have sisters of your own? Or SILs on your own side of the family? How about friends? How about your mom or mother-in-law? Do any of these people show interest in you and your daughter? If so, embrace that. Celebrate the fact that you have people in your life who care about you. And accept that you aren’t going to be besties — or even friends — with your out-of-state, snotty SIL.
And who knows — maybe once your SIL becomes a mother, that common bond will unite you. Or maybe it won’t. But if you quit expecting anything from her or wishing for any kind of relationship with her or interest from her in your daughter, you won’t be as disappointed when she fails to live up to expectations (because there won’t be any). And maybe you’ll actually be pleasantly surprised if motherhood makes a human out of her and she extends some semblance of compassion and loyalty your way. But I wouldn’t hold my breath.