I know that this is his job and he does his work in a professional manner. But I can’t help but feeling a little bit insecure especially with sexy models around him. My question is: Am I wrong for feeling this way? I feel that if I talk to him about this, he might think I’m being petty and trying to stop him from doing his job. What can I do about me feeling this way? — Insecure Fiancée
No one is ever “wrong” for feeling a certain way. What would be wrong, though, is to continue feeling bad without communicating to your fiancé. You say you tell each other anything, but that doesn’t necessarily mean your communication is great. For example, did you ask him why he wants to do boudoir photography all of a sudden? Is it about the money? The creativity? What, exactly, does he get out of it? Knowing that might help you appreciate his decision. I’d also be curious (and, frankly, furious) why he’s shooting these sexy photos in his own bedroom. Talk about blurring the line between personal and professional! He should have a studio that is strictly work space (so he can reserve his bedroom as strictly private/personal space) or should shoot on location.
You say he works in a professional manner, but doing gigs in his private space is not professional at all, and I can’t imagine it makes the models feel very professional posing provocatively on the bed their photographer sleeps and has sex on. Definitely talk to him about your feelings, and if he can’t relieve some of your concerns, I would think long and hard about moving forward with this engagement. Have you two ever even lived in the same city? I would take that step long before agreeing to marry this person. These sexy shoots of models on his bed is a red flag. Please proceed with caution.
First, congrats on your engagement! Tell Mom: “Fiancé and I are super excited to have a small, intimate wedding with our parents, siblings, and a few close friends. This will be the most meaningful way to celebrate such a special occasion with the people who are most important to us. We can’t imagine it any other way, and we look forward to your support and spending quality time with you while making special memories.” If she balks or in any way gives you a guilt trip, consider inviting her to throw you a reception for extended family at her convenience and expense (my own parents did this for me, not because I didn’t invite extended family to my wedding but because there were about twenty family members who lived across the country and it was more convenient for them to celebrate locally). P.S. If your mother is actually paying for your wedding, it will be much more difficult to control the guest list and you may have to acquiesce to her wishes, or suck it up and pay for it yourself (which I bet you’re already planning to do since you’re a grown adult in her mid-30s).
Continue ignoring her unsolicited advice. The next time she asks what you think of it/ a gift/ etc., just say, “Oh, I haven’t had a chance to look at it/ think about it/ read it/ check it out yet. I’ve been so busy living my best life!” And then steer the conversation to something that reflects this best life you are living. Maybe eventually your MIL will get the message that you are perfectly happy without her “help,” and even if she doesn’t, you have set clear boundaries without saying or doing anything overly offensive.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].