Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

(Sarah Wilkins / For The LA Times)

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Why I have a fear of falling… in love

Gender Bias At Work — Why Men Call Forceful Women ‘Hysterical’ And Try To Silence Them

How Sex Is Orchestrated on Reality Shows Like Bachelor in Paradise

“My husband and my travel wife are both generous: He lets me go; she lets me come along. I’m not sure I could have had one marriage without the other. There’s a lot of talk about open marriage and polyamory lately, but marriage can be customizable and nontraditional in ways that have nothing whatsoever to do with sex. Marriages can include other spouses who provide other functions. Maybe they need to.”

— A Husband for Home; a Wife for Away

Finally, men get the Handmaid’s Tale adaption they deserve

Why Do Men Harass Women? New Study Sheds Light On Motivations

“This week marks the 50th anniversary of Loving v. Virginia, the landmark Supreme Court decision that invalidated state laws restricting interracial marriage. Recently, we asked readers to share their experiences about being in a mixed-race relationship. We received more than 2,000 stories in just a few days.

Many people expressed profound ambivalence about the categories that drove antimiscegenation rules, while they described how their racial identity — or how others identified them — continued to shape their relationships and their social interactions. Some wrote about the resistance they faced from family and society, while others celebrated the particular richness of their lives. Here are some of those stories.”

— NYTimes

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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10 comments… add one
  • ktfran June 16, 2017, 1:14 pm

    The harassment article…

    “And the U.S. isn’t immune — 65 percent of 2,000 women surveyed said they had experienced street harassment, according to a 2014 study conducted by the research firm GfK for Stop Street Harassment, an advocacy group.”

    I find that number to be absurdly low. Every woman I know has been harassed on the street at least once. Unless this includes people who never walk on a sidewalk.

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    • K June 16, 2017, 1:28 pm

      Totally, seems like it should be every woman. I don’t get it in my everyday life because I live in suburbia, but I when I go on client visits for work and am on the sidewalk in a city – yup.

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    • dinoceros June 16, 2017, 2:11 pm

      I wonder how they phrased the question. Maybe in a way that made some women downplay their experiences and say that theirs wasn’t true “harassment”?

      Ironically, I can’t really recall being harassed while living in NYC, but when I was in a Midwestern college town, I got catcalled once. But then I saw him a little later at another intersection and he apologized. So that was unexpected.

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      • ktfran June 16, 2017, 3:09 pm

        They must have. Or maybe people are use to it so they don’t give it a second thought? Which is sad.

        I’ve had three instances I distinctly remember within the last year in Chicago. It’s just so, I don’t know, it definitely leaves a mark on your soul.

        1. I was waiting for my bus and a dude in a car waiting for the light to change would not stop stating at me. Every time I looked up, he was staring. It was unnerving and I felt extremely uncomfortable. I remember feeling relief when the light changed.

        2. Two young kids were working the sidewalk trying to get people to take a trolley tour. They were getting ready to say something to me and I put my hand up and shook my head no. They continued to say stuff and then made a meow/hissing noise when I didn’t engage. I was on my way to get a biopsy. That sucked. I wrote the trolley company but never got a response.

        3. There was some construction in a building and I had to go in this maze like area to get to my tailor. Two men were asking for money and I ignored them. They started following me and saying nasty things. They had asked a man for money before me and he also ignored. They didn’t follow him.

        These all happened since April 2016! That’s insane! And I’m positive I’m not alone in this.

        As an aside, a homeless man told me he liked my haircut today. So for all of the negative, unwarranted instances, there are also good, uplifting instances.

      • K June 16, 2017, 3:28 pm

        Ugh, @ktfran. The one I remember most from the past couple of years was a guy riding by on a bike saying “Damn, your ass is better than hers!” and pointed to a woman across the street. It looked like she didn’t hear him, luckily. I was so mad, but he rode away immediately, laughing. Way to objectify two women at once.

      • dinoceros June 16, 2017, 4:32 pm

        Those are awful. I’m sorry they happened. 🙁

        I attended a city council meeting where I live to support a vote for sanctuary city status. The path from the elevator to the council chambers was lined with cops (trying to intimidate us, I believe), and one of them goes “Hey beautiful.” I think that one outraged me more than anything I’ve gotten on the street because it’s like, dude, you are on the job and you are in a job that people assume makes you a really standup guy, and you are being garbage right now.

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    Lianne June 16, 2017, 2:01 pm

    The Bachelor in Paradise article is a good representation of what I loathe about reality TV. Disgusted.

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  • anonymousse June 16, 2017, 4:15 pm

    I’ve met a fair amount of women who don’t think of it as harassment, they choose to view it as a compliment. There’s a lot of women who participate in sexist roles and encourage “boys will be boys,” behavior.

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    • RedroverRedrover June 16, 2017, 6:58 pm

      Yeah. I didn’t read the whole study, but they did call that out as a possible issue, and said that they think the incidence is likely higher than what they found. I also couldn’t find the exact questions that they used in the study, but it seems to imply that they asked directly if you had been harassed and gave a few examples of harassing behaviour. So if you don’t consider it harassment to have a guy be like “hey baby, I’d like some of that!”, then you’re going to reply saying you’ve never been harassed.

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      Portia June 16, 2017, 8:10 pm

      Yeah, I had a friend growing up and when we were teenagers, she liked to go around “collecting honks.” Like she’d put on short shorts and just walk around the major corner in our medium sized town. I never really understood why she would like that, other than wanting attention. She didn’t seem to have any other internalized sexism that I could see.

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