Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

For Online Daters, Women Peak at 18 While Men Peak at 50, Study Finds. Oy.

The Rise of Roommate Households: More and more American adults are sharing their homes with people other than family members or spouses—an arrangement that can be anywhere from harmonious to downright hostile

Are other people’s sex lives better than yours?

Has #MeToo divided women?

Knowing you were an ‘accident’ can affect your relationships (so don’t tell your ‘oops’ babies that they were ‘oops’ babies!)

Women poised to make political history, and other takeaways from Tuesday primaries

Related: Christine Hallquist, a Transgender Woman, Wins Vermont Governor’s Primary

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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7 comments… add one
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    ktfran August 17, 2018, 1:05 pm

    Knowing you were an ‘accident’ can affect your relationships (so don’t tell your ‘oops’ babies that they were ‘oops’ babies!)

    Interesting! I was an “oops” baby. I can’t remember when I was informed, but I was. I totally understand why I was unplanned, but it still hurt to hear. And I’m not even sure why it came up? Perhaps it was because my sister had a baby at 19, so maybe I found out at age 25?

    Anyway, I was conceived during an extremely difficult time for my parents. My older sister was born with a rare liver disease and they didn’t know how long she would live. She was in and out of the hospital constantly. She passed away three weeks after I was born, she was almost 2. After my mom told me I was unplanned, she went on to say that I was really a blessing because they had to pull themselves together for me. However, my mom did stop believing in god after that. We are Catholic. Oh, and because of all the stories on DW of people “accidentally” getting pregnant, I asked my mom, and yes, she was on BC. I’m a product of failed BC.

    Some of the article resonates. Any of you who followed the dating thread know I have a huge problem with expressing feelings/emotions, but I’ve worked through most of that. In my younger years, I had attachment/insecurity issues with friends. I’ve always been like that. But I didn’t always know I was unplanned. So, I can’t say they necessarily correlate.

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      Kate August 17, 2018, 1:28 pm

      Yeah, my mom was using a diaphragm when she got pregnant with both of us. Probably user error. I totally get it. She also told me when I was a teen that she had meant to wait 10 years after marriage to have kids, so she could focus on her career. But she got pregnant at 22, a few months after marriage. Then again a couple years later. So it’s like… ok. But I’m glad she kept it real and was honest.

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        Kate August 17, 2018, 1:33 pm

        I definitely do not have the insecure attachment style. But I always felt like I was very WANTED, just unplanned. My husband’s mom told him he was lucky Roe v. Wade hadn’t happened yet or she would have aborted him. Wtf!!! He seems totally ok expressing feelings and emotions, and doesn’t have insecure attachment. Maybe *slightly* more than me but not really.

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        ktfran August 17, 2018, 2:57 pm

        OMG. Wow. Your husband’s mom. Yikes!

        I definitely always felt wanted too. So yeah, I really can’t say that my issues are related. I’ve just always been ultra sensitive, and my family has never been on to discuss or show much emotion. So. I don’t know if I really buy what the study is selling.

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      • kmtthat

        kmtthat August 17, 2018, 3:50 pm

        Yeah my grandma told me I was an accident and my dad had been adamant that they should have an abortion. And my mom was like nope, and threatened to leave him. Could have gone my whole life without knowing that! To be fair my dad made it abundantly clear I was loved and was his favorite.

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    dinoceros August 17, 2018, 1:42 pm

    The article about accidental babies annoys me. I don’t know if it’s a case of a journalist not having the scientific background to cover studies or if they studies are just flawed (or I’m just judgmental). First, it differentiates that unwanted and unplanned have different results, which the headline doesn’t account for. Anyway, a person can easily know factually whether they were planned or not. But the only way they’d think they were unwanted is if they were treated like they were unwanted. My mom didn’t want children and I was clearly an accident, but my parents never acted like they didn’t want me. For me to say they didn’t would mean they treat me badly, and they don’t.

    Second, when they ask people to imagine they were unplanned or unwanted, it matters how they frame it. If you ask someone to imagine they were unwanted without context, then of course they’d be sad. But it’s very different to live it.

    Anyway, I think the conclusion is kind of silly because I don’t think it matters a lot if a kid knows they are unplanned as long as you let them know you are glad they were born and are a good parent to them.

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    • CurlyQue

      CurlyQue August 17, 2018, 1:47 pm

      Agreed. I know i was very much unplanned, the result of my parents first night together and they then continued to date and live separately until i was 1ish yrs old where they then found out they were pregnant with my brother and decided to buy a home, get married etc.

      Anyways, i know i was very much wanted because my mother had had an abortion years before so if she hadn’t wanted me she would’ve made that choice. She was 31 when she had me, she said she knew she was ready to be a mother and could do it alone if necessary. Ended up not being necessary as my father also very much wanted me and her. 🙂

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