Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:


Continuing our discussion about how the costs of weddings and engagement rings predict marriage success, more statistic that claim to predict whether a couple will stay hitched: “The Divorce-Proof Marriage: Your income, how long you dated, and how many people attend your wedding affect the odds you’ll stay together.” [via The Atlantic]

“Why Are America’s Postpartum Practices So Rough on New Mothers?” [via The Daily Beast]

For the readers amongst us: “Get To Know The Finalists For The 2014 National Book Award” [via NPR]

I thought this was interesting: “Rise and Shine: What kids around the world eat for breakfast.” [via NYTimes]

“Why I don’t breast-feed, if you must know” [via The Washington Post]

“I Love My Husband, But Here’s Why I Want to Cheat” [via HuffPost]

“For More Millennials, It’s Kids First, Marriage Maybe” [via NPR]

“Why more women choose not to marry” [via CNN]

“The Pain Of Being In Love With Someone You Can Never Be With” [via Elite Daily]

“Teen’s post about her school’s sexist sex ed program goes viral” [via The Daily Dot]

[image via The Atlantic]

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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23 comments… add one
  • va-in-ny October 17, 2014, 1:23 pm

    So, have a wedding with more that 200 guests, but don’t spend more that $5,000 on it?

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    • othy October 17, 2014, 1:39 pm

      While making $125k+.

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      • othy October 17, 2014, 1:42 pm

        Although, I think I had 200+ guests for the open house portion of our wedding, and we spent under $5000. But we living Utah, and Mormon style weddings are big but cheap. We just served desserts with a chocolate fountain, which was cheap. Before the open house, we had a sit-down meal with our closest friends/family (about 25 or so people), so that kept the costs way down. If it were up to us, we would have just had the 25 folks total, but Othello’s mother wanted to do the big wedding part and was willing to pay.

    • Portia October 17, 2014, 1:49 pm

      And go on a honeymoon. If the honeymoon isn’t included in the wedding costs, then it would really be optimal to have a super cheap but large wedding and splurge on the honeymoon. Now that is something I could get behind…

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      • mylaray October 17, 2014, 6:08 pm

        That’s what I did. And really we could have gone a lot cheaper with our wedding. Our honeymoon was a big splurge and I wouldn’t have done it any other way.

      • Portia October 17, 2014, 6:15 pm

        According to science, you will have a long, happy marriage. 🙂 Honestly, that sounds awesome. Where did you go?

      • mylaray October 17, 2014, 7:02 pm

        We went to London, Amsterdam, Brussels, and Berlin mainly. We had a crazy idea of buying one way plane tickets (one to London and one leaving Berlin) and made very little plans and just figured everything out from there. Highly recommend that type of traveling.

      • d2 October 17, 2014, 7:22 pm

        That sounds like a fun trip! Define the start, define the end, and improvise the in-between.

  • TaraMonster October 17, 2014, 2:05 pm

    Oh boy. The pain of being in love with someone you can never be with article… I hated it. Not because I disagree with it, but because I’m living it. And because I found it kind of trite and I don’t like that I’m experiencing something so damn trite! Damnit!

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    • gigi October 17, 2014, 3:37 pm

      Oooh, agreed….. he didn’t say too earth-shattering in that piece, but you could tell he felt it. I could relate as well. Maybe trite isn’t as good a word as common, or universal? Its hard to realize that others feel that same pain as intensely as I do/did…. sometimes you can’t tell by looking.

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  • gigi October 17, 2014, 3:41 pm

    The breast-feeding one annoyed me. Why does anyone feel they have the right to question someone else’s choices? ARGH! Lactation specialists should present their facts, ask the new mom if she is interested & help her out if she is. If she isn’t …then move along to the next room! Judgy people annoy the hell out of me.

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    • RedRoverRedRover October 17, 2014, 4:49 pm

      My sister wasn’t able to breastfeed because her milk never came in. They made her feel awful. It’s one thing to support a woman who really wants to try, but another to make her feel like quitting isn’t an option. Plus, there were several generations where almost every baby was formula fed. My mom said that when she was having us, it was just assumed that you would formula feed. Breastfeeding wasn’t even a consideration. It was the same for her mom. Her mom was actually disgusted by the idea of breastfeeding. And those generations are no worse off health-wise than the ones who came before or after.

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  • RedRoverRedRover October 17, 2014, 5:01 pm

    Did anyone read the article about the highschool student complaining about her sex ed course? Holy crap, it is unbelievable what they were teaching. And this was in Singapore, which I don’t think of as a hardcore conservative place. Good for her!

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    • Portia October 17, 2014, 5:18 pm

      Seriously! I saw it earlier this week and basically read it with my mouth agape. What was it, 4 hours on whether a woman means what she says? And that men are always straightforward? Ugh.

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      • RedroverRedrover October 17, 2014, 6:57 pm

        Did you see the pictures of the handbook? The ones that showed “what women say… what women mean” and “what men say… what men mean” made me livid. I can’t believe people still fall for this stupid crap.

  • d2 October 17, 2014, 9:13 pm

    One statistic from the millennials and marriage article caught my attention:

    For women who do not have a college degree, 55% of children born are outside of marriage. For those who have a college degree, it’s only 9%.

    I wasn’t surprised that the trend went in that direction, but I was shocked by how much.

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    • RedroverRedrover October 18, 2014, 12:35 pm

      I would guess that it has a lot to do with WHEN women are having children though. If you’re college-educated, you’re more likely to work on your career first and have babies later, like in your 30s. By then you’re most likely married.

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  • Lyra October 18, 2014, 11:38 am

    The millennials and marriage article: I’m not sure what to think of the whole “people are putting off marriage for financial reasons”. We talk about on here all the time about how if you truly want to get married you can do it for REALLY cheap. I mean, isn’t having a baby MUCH more financially demanding than getting married?? Wedding expenses are a one-time deal, so I just don’t think that argument is legit…
    With this quote — “The problem, she says, is not that people are having kids without being married. It’s that in the U.S., on average, unwed couples are far more likely to split up by the time their child is 5 — and research shows that can have a host of negative impacts on children.” — I would be interested to learn more about those studies.

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    • RedroverRedrover October 18, 2014, 12:36 pm

      That might be where the wedding industrial complex comes in though. People don’t want to do it cheap, they want the fairy-tale wedding. Thus, waiting until they have the money. I think we’re starting to see a small swing back towards cheaper weddings, but there’s a whole industry now fighting against that idea. Remember when Wendy’s article about cheap weddings went onto HuffPo? All the wedding planners in the comments were super pissed.

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      • Lyra October 18, 2014, 1:36 pm

        Very true. It just seems ridiculous to me because babies take a LOT more money than weddings.

      • Portia October 18, 2014, 2:27 pm

        That was the exact same thought I had. Not only are they expensive as babies, but it’s a big long-term cost as well. Don’t kids cost like half a mil over their lifetime? Regardless, it’s a lot and weddings are far less expensive…

      • Lyra October 18, 2014, 5:11 pm

        Right??? It just makes the “we’re waiting until we’re financially secure until we get married” argument pretty weak. Obviously marriage isn’t something everyone wants (and to clarify I’m NOT trying to preach that it’s for everyone), but I simply don’t understand WHY a couple who wants marriage eventually wouldn’t want to create that foundation in their relationship before having kids. Maybe because some women don’t want to have kids when they’re older? It’s an interesting concept.

      • RedroverRedrover October 18, 2014, 6:40 pm

        Babies take money bit by bit though, while weddings take it all in one go. I’m guessing the people who can’t afford big weddings but insist on waiting for them anyway aren’t the best financial planners. So they’re just looking at the right-now cost, not the overall cost.


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