Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links


Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Men with beards ‘best for long-term relationships’

This is how many dates men and women want before sex – and expectations vary wildly

Young Women Are More Financially Independent Than Men

Single men and women have distinctly different lifestyle perspectives from their married* counterparts, as well as from each other, according to new data from Northwestern Mutual’s 2016 Planning & Progress Study. Specifically, while singles of both genders share a similarly high level of anxiety about their finances compared to married people, they diverge in outlook on their personal lives and careers.

— Living Single: A Different Experience for Men and Women

Experts explain why men and women often have different reasons for cheating

Ugh, he’s the absolute worst (well, Pence in the worst, but Trump is pretty close): Donald Trump insists he respects women, says comments were ‘for the purpose of entertainment’

Related: Donald Trump insults women. Mike Pence puts them in danger.

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to wendy@dearwendy.com and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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46 comments… add one
  • Moneypenny October 7, 2016, 12:04 pm

    Donald Trump and Mike Pence make my blood boil.

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    • RedRoverRedRover October 7, 2016, 12:19 pm

      If Trump loses, I seriously think you guys are in trouble. Well, you are if he wins, too, obviously. But even if he loses, he’s been whipping his followers into a frenzy. All his talk of the election being rigged is seriously scary. If he loses and enough people think it was rigged and that Hillary isn’t actually the president, who knows what will happen? Add the racism wars on top of that and it’s a pretty scary situation. If I were Hillary I’d want to double my protection, for starters. I think there are going to be some real assassination attempts on her.

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      • girltuesday October 7, 2016, 2:12 pm

        Yes, that’s the scariest part of all. I hate how it’s been normalized. It’s disheartening and disappointing.

        I think it will eventually blow over @redroverredrover. Yes, I think it will be super shitty and scary for her for a while. I remember people being OUTRAGED that we had a black “Muslim” president. I’m sure there were hundreds of assassination attempts on him, too. Luckily, Obama’s opponents weren’t nut jobs.

        Shoot, “binders full of women” is child’s play compared to this crap.

      • zombeyonce October 7, 2016, 2:27 pm

        The single good thing I can think of about all this is that I now have a better idea of who people around me really are because they’re not as afraid to express sexist or racist opinions as they used to be. Now I can call them out on it instead of just suspecting they meant something in a derogatory way but not being quite sure.
        That’s a pathetic best outcome. But I have delighted in correcting my mother on her really incorrect “facts” the past few months.

      • girltuesday October 7, 2016, 2:31 pm

        Totally! I know as soon as someone goes, “Ugh, everyone is so PC these days.” I immediate eye-roll.

        “PC” for what? Calling out sexism? Racism?

      • RedRoverRedRover October 7, 2016, 3:50 pm

        PC literally only exists because politicians wanted to make sure they didn’t insult people. That’s all it means. If people are upset about “PC”, then clearly they don’t give a crap if they go around insulting people. Not to mention, they’re totally free to do so. They’re not free from someone calling them on it though, and that’s what they’re really pissed about.

      • girltuesday October 7, 2016, 6:12 pm

        YAAAASSSS. Nobody understands this, it drives me nuts.

      • RedRoverRedRover October 7, 2016, 3:52 pm

        In those cases where I don’t want to fight but I don’t want them to think I accept or agree with them either, I say an extremely sarcastic “Awesome”.

      • RedRoverRedRover October 7, 2016, 3:52 pm

        And then if they try to fight, I just say “think whatever you want” and keep repeating it. Then they know I disagree but I don’t get drawn into anything. And hopefully it makes them feel shitty too.

  • Kate October 8, 2016, 7:30 am

    Jesus Christ. That story about the audio tape of Trump and Billy Bush in 2005 talking about women. Last night my husband and I were in an Uber on the way home from a wedding, and the driver was listening to what my husband says was NPR but I’m not sure. Some shithead was like, “well, I can’t vote for Hillary,” and I was mocking him in a low voice like, “oh no, I can’t vote for her, she’s a woman! But uh, imma vote for Trump because uh he’s a man.” Stuff like that. When we got out of the car, the driver, clearly an immigrant and a minority, cheerfully told us he likes Trump. “He’s a macho man.” WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? Then this morning I saw that story and all hung over and PMS and i just ugly-cried for 10 minutes thinking about how it’s so recently that women were just property, not people. And no matter what you think of Hillary, god bless her for standing up there and having all this disgusting, appalling shit said about her, and women, and minorities, and just staring it down and rebuking it, day after day after day. Could you do that?

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    • Kate October 8, 2016, 7:38 am

      PS, my husband is an athlete who has been in a locker room every day for 30 years, and he emphatically confirmed that that kind of bullshit is NOT normal locker room talk. That is not how normal men speak about women.

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    • RedRoverRedRover October 8, 2016, 7:48 am

      Our Prime Minister before this current one was a misogynistic piece of crap. In the last election where he got elected, he was trying to do all this sexist stuff. I was so upset and I was saying to my mom, “How can he does this? How can people vote for him? He acts like women aren’t even people!” She just shrugged and said “that’s how it’s always been”. In a resigned way, not in a way where she was ok with it. Like, when she was growing up, women didn’t work. You had your house and you had your kids and that was that. Women got an allowance from their husbands to run the house. My grandfather was generous, but many men weren’t. They’d give their wives a pittance, and they had to get all the meals, all the kid’s clothes, and all of their own necessities out of that. Even their husband’s clothes actually. There were women effectively living in poverty while their husbands would spend on whatever they wanted. And my mom became a nurse because my grandfather wouldn’t pay for college for a woman and nursing school was free at the time. And he didn’t pay not because he hated women, just because at that time there was no point sinking all that money into a woman, when she’d only work 3-5 years and then quit when she got married and had kids. Our parents grew up in such a different world. And a lot of those men are trying to get it back, and they’re teaching their sons that it’s the best way and that they should fight to get it too. It’s actually scary. Look at what happened to women in Iran. Imagine growing up in the 60s and 70s there, educated and free, and now you’re barely a person. So fucked up.

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  • Kate October 8, 2016, 8:00 am

    I know, and the thing is, that whole post-WW2 situation was just political bullshit because vets needed jobs. For decades, women actually had been able to have careers. And suddenly they couldn’t anymore. And they were dying inside. And big pharma (men) got them all addicted to Valium.

    My mom too… her dad would only pay for secretarial school or this one religious college. She chose the college because she could do liberal arts. She had decided that she wasn’t that pretty (she actually was cute), and that she would just be single and have a career and be really good at it. Then she met my dad in English class and they got married, and she said she wouldn’t have kids for 10 years and she’d focus on her career. Well she’s an idiot and got pregnant twice but she still went to grad school and had a very impressive career, but OMG the bullshit she had to put up with. From men. I think of all that bullshit and all that progress and what you and I are able to do today, and I just cannot.

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    • RedRoverRedRover October 8, 2016, 8:14 am

      And then you’ve got these fucken MRA groups with those posts about how men work all the dangerous jobs like mining etc. And that women only want equality when it comes to office jobs but not the dirty and dangerous jobs. And I’m like, are you serious? Those are jobs that make good money. A lot of those workplaces don’t want women there, and they treat them like shit if they do get in. A lot of women would kill to make that kind of money, too. This is part of why the wage gap exists, because uneducated men get jobs that pay like that, while uneducated women do childcare, housecleaning, or work at Walmart.

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  • Kate October 8, 2016, 9:15 am

    I don’t even have the will to get out of bed today, and usually I’m up before dawn. The dog isn’t here, or I would have had to get up to walk him, and I don’t know when he’s coming home, but it’s his 10th birthday today and I need to get him gifts but Trump has me all fucked up.

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    • RedRoverRedRover October 8, 2016, 9:27 am

      I feel you. The morning after our misogynist shit bag PM got elected, I felt like I was going to throw up. I couldn’t believe it. To have that many people vote that you’re not an equal person is just an absolutely horrific feeling. I really hope this latest news will cut into Trump’s support. I honestly can’t believe there are still women voting for him.

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  • Kate October 8, 2016, 9:41 am

    Right – who are those people??? And I hear all the Boston Italians in the North End are voting for him, like do you people not realize? Do you not recall how you were once despised as immigrants?

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    • RedRoverRedRover October 8, 2016, 9:50 am

      Sexism is stronger than racism. People didn’t believe me till your 2004 election. That pretty much clinched it. And have you seen the shit being talked about Hillary? Real, actual theories like she’s actually a robot, or she’s a lizard-person. I know not a majority believe those, but some really do! And tons of them believe in the hit-list shit, that she’s had people killed. Like, come on. And even the ones who don’t believe the crazy stuff, are calling her a liar even though she’s been shown to be more truthful than the vast majority of politicians. I agree she’s no angel, but she’s a basic politician. They all have to make deals to some degree if they want to be successful. Bernie would have had to as well, if he’d gotten in, or else he wouldn’t have accomplished anything. So, she’s doing what they all do, but she’s being punished far beyond what any others ever were. Gee, I wonder why? What a mystery.

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      • Kate October 8, 2016, 10:05 am

        They say that stuff so they won’t have to vote for a woman, or at least a woman who doesn’t conform to their feminine ideals.

      • RedRoverRedRover October 8, 2016, 10:08 am

        No woman who conformed to their feminine ideals would ever be up for the office of President, so that works out nicely for them.

    • Skyblossom October 9, 2016, 9:24 am

      I live in a pretty conservative county that always votes Republican in presidential elections so I have expected to see Trump signs but I am hugely disappointed in the sheer number of them. I have trouble understanding how people can put out a sign that identifies themselves with Trump. Today I am seeing people making excuses for Trump on Facebook and I have been replying to those people. They will be angry with me for pointing out that grabbing women by the crotch is sexual assault and illegal but so be it. The worst is that it seems to be women sticking up for Trump. It is women with daughters sticking up for Trump.
      Women saying that Hillary’s actions are worse than Trump’s words or comparing Trumps actions to the book “Shades of Grey.” I’ve been pointing out that Trump is using words to brag about his actions and the actions he is bragging about are sexual assault and illegal. I’m also pointing out that “Shades of Grey” is fiction but Trump is bragging about the real actions he does in his real life.

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      • Kate October 9, 2016, 9:40 am

        Just say to those women, “Babies, ya brain broke. I love you…but bitch, you cray.”


      • Skyblossom October 9, 2016, 9:50 am

        There are also the comments about how the media is all supporting Hillary and so she obviously works for the devil. I don’t know how to reply to that one. It leaves me speechless.

      • Kate October 9, 2016, 10:01 am

        Same response.

      • RedRoverRedRover October 9, 2016, 10:49 am

        Point out how major players in the Republican party, like Paul Ryan, are condemning Trump.

      • Kate October 9, 2016, 12:44 pm

        Oh I just saw one of those brainless 50 Shades posts because a liberal guy friend of mine commented on it. It said something like, if women are so offended by naught words, who the hell bought 80M copies of Fifty Shades of Grey? Um, it’s not the naughty words people are offended by, idiot, it’s the real life actions of a man who wants to control public policy. I can’t with these idiots.

      • RedRoverRedRover October 9, 2016, 12:46 pm

        Yes, let’s equate reading a book to being sexually assaulted. Totally the same thing. Fuck.

      • Kate October 9, 2016, 12:50 pm

        I never even read that book because it *sounded offensive to women.* To stereotype, I would guess a lot of those 80 Million copies were bought by the same conservative housewives Skyblossom is talking about.

      • RedRoverRedRover October 9, 2016, 1:10 pm

        Yeah, I never read it because I heard really bad things about it. Mainly that it was problematic about consent. Well also that the writing was horrible and I don’t have time for that. But mostly the consent thing. And I agree that your stereotype is probably right, because that side of the fence doesn’t seem to be super clear on consent anyway.

      • Kate October 9, 2016, 1:13 pm

        Haha, yes to all of that.

      • Skyblossom October 9, 2016, 1:17 pm

        That’s the post. I’ve never read the book. It didn’t appeal to me at all.

        Just because people read it for entertainment or a cheap thrill doesn’t mean sexual assault is okay. They are two totally different things. It’s like saying if someone reads a murder mystery they shouldn’t object to murder.

      • Kate October 9, 2016, 1:27 pm


      • Skyblossom October 9, 2016, 1:19 pm

        The newest is that if Hillary is elected “they” will let in all those Muslims who will murder us.

        Who “they” is isn’t specified but I’m assuming all those liberals who don’t love the country like these good conservatives do.

      • Skyblossom October 9, 2016, 1:21 pm

        Even if Trump’s behavior is indefensible and inexcusable you must still vote for him or you will be murdered.

        Can’t beat that for logic. I guess you can match it to the Hillary works for the devil because the media supports her logic.

        I think this all goes to people who don’t think. They really can’t think logically at all.

      • RedRoverRedRover October 9, 2016, 1:36 pm

        It’s definitely pure emotion, and that’s why Trump is popular. He’s speaking to their emotions. He’s speaking to their fear. A lot of people who are racist, sexist, etc are scared. They’re scared that if other people aren’t held down, below them, then they’ll end up on the bottom. It’s the old canard about the man who’s shit on all day at work and then comes home and beats his wife and kids. Because he can. Because he has power over SOMEONE at least. But if women are equal, and blacks are equal, and Muslims are equal, then where does it leave the white Christian guy with a shit life? At the bottom.

      • Skyblossom October 9, 2016, 1:55 pm

        Many of them think that because Trump is such a great business man and because he doesn’t worry about political correctness that very quickly after he is elected things will improve. He will make sure there are good, high paying jobs for all Americans because he isn’t afraid to throw out all those illegal immigrants and keep them out. The military will suddenly be strong again, apparently it isn’t now. We will be tough and so the world will respect us. Life will very rapidly improve. They believe that. I see the greatest support for him among low paid blue collar workers. The very people Trump treated badly as an employer. They think that anything bad that comes out about him in the press is a lie produced by the media to get Hillary elected. I guess the American press hates the country and is trying hard to destroy it which is where we get the devil’s work.

      • Skyblossom October 9, 2016, 3:30 pm

        Plus Trump apologized so it is all okay.

  • Stilgar666 October 9, 2016, 1:10 pm

    I am a recovering frat boy and we would talk about women like that. But we were HORRIBLE misogynistic 20 year olds, and one dude was accused of rape, that I know of. Trump has been accused of sexual assault multiple times, and anybody who is still making excuses for him has deep seated issues with women and minorities.

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    • Kate October 9, 2016, 1:14 pm

      I am sincerely grateful that so many men do get it.

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    • RedRoverRedRover October 9, 2016, 1:42 pm

      Thanks for your perspective Stilgar. I go to some parts of the internet and it’s disheartening to see how women are talked about. But hopefully a lot of them are young men like you used to be, and they won’t stay that way their whole lives. Hopefully.

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    • Skyblossom October 9, 2016, 3:24 pm

      Unfortunately, many fraternities encourage the worst in young men. I’m glad you’ve moved way beyond that thinking. Thanks!

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  • Kate October 11, 2016, 7:19 am

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    • RedRoverRedRover October 11, 2016, 8:56 am

      Holy shit! So Hillary was right when she said the Russians are trying to get Trump to win. Jesus Christ.

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      • Kate October 11, 2016, 9:23 am

        My dad (not a conspiracy theorist) has been saying that for quite a while.

    • SpaceySteph October 11, 2016, 9:19 am

      I’m sorry but I LOLed at that URL. Its like a mad lib: world leader, presidential candidate, political scandal, spacecraft.

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      • SpaceySteph October 11, 2016, 9:21 am

        Mine would be: Saddam Hussein, Jill Stein, Watergate, the Mothership from Independence Day


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