Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Women Are Overburdened With Their Families’ “Mental Loads.” Here’s how one woman deals with that. Do you have strategies for handling the mental load and divvying up some of the “third shift” with your spouse or partner?

And you thought you had stories of bad roommates… “Worst Roommate Ever: ‘You’ve got your whole life in front of you. You’re pretty, you’ve got this house — well, you don’t have this house anymore. This house is my house.’”

I bet Michelle Obama’s messy ponytail bun at 45’s inauguration was the first thing many black women noticed (and appreciated). Here’s an interesting dissection of that act of resistance for those of us not as fluent in the expression of black women’s hairstyles: “How Michelle Obama subverted respectability politics with a ponytail”

Yikes (and also, sounds like our current administration): “Narcissists often recruit people called ‘apaths’ to help with their games — here’s why they’re dangerous”

I am so heartened and inspired by these teenagers! “How Parkland Students Changed the Gun Debate”

Related: “Researchers Decide No One Born In This Century Is A ‘Millennial’ Anymore” There isn’t a name yet for the generation, but may I suggest Generation Kickin’ Ass and Takin’ Names?

We really like our athleisure wear: “The US is now buying more stretchy pants than blue jeans”

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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9 comments… add one
  • avatar

    SpaceySteph March 2, 2018, 1:24 pm

    Oh boy that first one. Scene from yesterday…
    Me: remembers its the first of the month and our dog is due for his heartworm pill.
    Me: finds no heartworm pills in the closet. Remembers last month we discussed that the dog needed a checkup and a new pack of pills and that my husband was supposed to book it.
    Me: “Hey we’re out of heartworm pills.”
    Husband: “Oh yeah, dog is overdue for a vet appointment.”
    Me: *screaming internally*

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    • Dear Wendy

      Dear Wendy March 2, 2018, 2:20 pm


      I will say that I feel things are pretty equal on the mental load front in my marriage — maybe Drew would say otherwise? — but there have definitely been periods when it felt that I was doing more of all the “heartworm pills” stuff. These days, I pretty much take care of all the details involving preschool registration, after school programs, summer camp registration, kids’ and cats’ doctor appointments (though drew sometimes does the chaperoning on these) and almost all travel details. Drew takes on the brunt of homeownership drama. Like, just now we found out our basement is flooded and he’s dealing with all that and I am emotional support who will make us cocktails this evening to unwind. Oh, and I always take care of securing a babysitter while Drew will often make dinner reservations or whatever. I take on scheduling most of the social plans with other people and arranging play dates and stuff. Sometimes it feels like I am thinking of more details, but his load is more stressful and labor intensive, I think. Plus, he works outside the home more (and I do more of the cooking and domestic chores, though not all of them! And he does more of the hands-on kid care in the evenings, like baths and homework help while I, like, tidy up and pack lunches and what not). So, yeah, it feels more or less pretty equal, but there are periods when it either one of us is doing a bit more/ has a bigger mental load.

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      • avatar

        ktfran March 2, 2018, 2:57 pm

        We don’t have kids, so our mental load isn’t nearly as taxing, but you writing this made me realize I need to thank the husband more.

        I thought I was carrying most of the mental load because I take care of most of the day to day stuff. Plans with friends, dinners planning, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc.

        However, the husband takes care of the bills and the house repair stuff and since I don’t see it… I don’t say thank you.

        I’m glad I read this.

  • avatar

    anna March 2, 2018, 1:53 pm

    Omg that roommate article. I am only halfway through and I had to come back to comment. I thought I have had it bad.

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    • avatar

      ktfran March 2, 2018, 2:51 pm

      I read that on Monday. I did not expect that ending. I mean, wow.

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  • avatar

    Bondgirl March 2, 2018, 2:14 pm

    That second link…..omg. Almost sounds like a mystery novel but you really can’t make up this kind of “psycho roommate from hell” to be any worse than this guy. What an absolutely horrible human being!

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  • avatar

    anonymousse March 2, 2018, 2:55 pm

    I read the roommate story last week.
    Horribly terrifying, and then so fucking sad.

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  • avatar

    Rangerchic March 2, 2018, 4:04 pm

    I can’t believe the roommate story. It is so crazy! So glad he can’t impart that kind of terror on anyone else though incredibly sad he killed his brother.

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  • avatar

    K March 9, 2018, 3:09 pm

    Wow, that roommate story is so twisted and nuts! His poor brother.

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