I’m always amused by the different questions people type into their Google browser to end up at my site, so much so that I created a feature in which I address some of those very questions. After the jump, check out what’s on the minds of inquiring people this month, including whether a woman’s boyfriend might be preggo.
1. Should I live with my boyfriend before marriage?
I think it’s a great way to test the waters before making such a huge commitment, but you should follow your gut and do what feels right for you and your boyfriend.
2. How do you get your question to show up on Wendy’s Google search questions?
3. Can I hang a neon beer sign inside my home?
If you can answer yes to the following questions: Are you under the age of 28? Do you have a game room in the basement? Are you prepared to sell the neon beer sign on Craigslist when you get a girlfriend?
4. Do you know if your parents had sex before marriage?
5. Is it gay to take your roommate out for a birthday dinner?
Only if you’re both gay and it’s a date.
6. Is Facebook only to find exes?
No, it’s also to see if the guy you had a crush on in high school got fat and lost all his hair.
7. Is my boyfriend pregnant?
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say no.
8. Is drinking five beers a night a lot?
Before I got pregnant, I used to call that “Wednesday.”
9. Is it proper etiquette to charge people for drinks at a backyard BBQ?
10. Would you rather want boyfriend sleep with prostitute or friend?
No. But what about you, readers? What say you?
Addie Pray October 14, 2011, 2:06 pm
No. 10 – I say prostitute. You then only have to dump the boyfriend. If it’s with a friend, you have to dump the boyfriend and the friend.
amber October 14, 2011, 2:11 pm
and the answer to number 8 made me chuckle!
CMF October 14, 2011, 2:15 pm
#7!! I can’t stop giggling. Wha…?
Tracey October 14, 2011, 2:18 pm
How about splitting the difference and having him sleep with a friendly prostitute?
No takers? How about none of the above. If he’s my boyfriend, I only want him sleeping with me.
Tracey October 14, 2011, 2:18 pm
And the answer to #5 is a classic.
GatorGirl October 14, 2011, 2:21 pm
“Before I got pregnant, I used to call that “Wednesday.””
That is one of my most favorite SW quotes ever.
My BF and I are struggling with #1 right now. We rent/pay for two apartments right now…but only really live in one of them. The big problem is his parents are very firmly against living together before marraige. We’re really stuck on this issue, we think it’s right for us, but don’t want to be “shunned” from his family either.
GatorGirl October 14, 2011, 2:22 pm
DW quote…i don’t know who SW is….
thyme October 14, 2011, 2:36 pm
I was thinking maybe “Snarky Wendy”?
Christy October 14, 2011, 2:39 pm
Do you have a friend in a similar situation? Maybe you could “live” with her and her BF could “live” with yours, but have it just be a nominal arrangement, with each of you living with your SO’s.
thyme October 14, 2011, 2:44 pm
One of my best friends is getting married this month, and I’m 99.5% sure that is the primary reason. They want to live together but her parents are adamantly against premarital cohabitation and she doesn’t want to damage her relationship with them.
I don’t think they should get married, so the whole thing makes me… well… not hopeful. I like her guy ok, and they’ve been together a long time, but I think they both could find somebody who is a much better fit and they are both settling. They already fight a lot, and she keeps telling me about all the things about him that bug her that she hopes will be different once they live together.
I feel for you in your situation, just please don’t do like my friend and marry him just so you can live together with his parents’ blessing. I personally say move in with him and his parents will get used to it eventually if they want him in their lives, but that’s easy for me to say… my parents would think I was crazy if I DIDN’T live with a man before I married him.
JK October 14, 2011, 2:51 pm
Wow, I´m sorry for your friend (and you for being a witness but unable to do anything about it).
I know from personal experience (and my friends went through the same thing) that the first months (up to a year) of living together are REALLY complicated. Up until I moved in with my now husband we were spending pretty much every night together, and the whole weekend, but living together really is different. You can´t hide your bad side forever!!! 🙂
I know when my daughters grow up I´m definitely going to recommend they live with their SOs before considering marriage.
Let´s hope for your friend´s sake that it works out well for her, a divorce is a hell of a lot messier than just moving out!
6napkinburger October 14, 2011, 3:06 pm
Ha, I can’t hide my bad side for an hour!
I’ve only lived with one SO, but we basically lived together from the first date (due to a confluence of life transitions during which I didn’t really live anywhere: coming in from out of state to his place on Thursday and back on Tuesday, to visit for the “weekend.”) And I didn’t really notice that big of a transition. I wonder if next time, when I do everything right (tongue-firmly-in-cheek), if it will feel differently.
JK October 14, 2011, 3:17 pm
Maybe for other people it´s different, I know in my case we´ve never fought so much as in those first few months, a couple of times he even got close to leaving, and I know several friends went through the same thing.
I suppose it depends on the person, I was young (25) and inexperienced, I left my family home to move in with my then BF, he was 28, had been living on his own (with all that entails) for like 10 years. Not to mention we are pretty much polar opposites in lots of things.
Luckily we managed to work things out, to make our lovely little family. 🙂
rangerchic October 14, 2011, 4:06 pm
I had a friend in a similar situation. My friend’s mom was religious and was against living together and again sex before marriage. My friends’ fiance moved in with her before the wedding and told her mom he was sleeping in the spare bedroom and her mom believed her. Her mom even believed she was still a virgin when she got married (she was 30+ when she got married). I couldn’t believe her mom truly believed that – either she was in denial or just chose to believe what she wanted.
I think couples should talk about and do what is right for them but I understand not wanting to create drama/stress/upheaval with family because it can totally suck.
Laurel October 14, 2011, 3:39 pm
Ugh that sounds like your friend is in a really crappy situation. 🙁
My boyfriend’s parents were against us living together before marriage (for religious reasons), but we got an apartment together anyway. We didn’t tell them for a couple of months, and then just started slipping “our apartment”s into the conversation. I don’t think they’re *thrilled* but they are okay with it now. Really, if you have any influence here, encourage your friend to just go this route. Getting married and moving in together at the same time will NOT help their relationship, if they are already arguing.
6napkinburger October 14, 2011, 2:48 pm
Honestly, I’d say don’t do it, unless you’re more than 80% sure this is the guy you are going to marry, or more than 80% sure that this ISN’T the guy you are going to marry.
Breaking up is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much harder if you live together, to the point that it can seem impossible. You wind up working on things that shouldn’t be worked on and wasting a lot of time because its such a life distruption to end it.
Sorry for my rainy day parade. Someone told me this and I didn’t listen, so maybe its just one of those things everyone has to learn for themselves. But I wanted you to go in warned.
That is, unless you know you aren’t ever going to marry him and are just having fun, with a rough estimate of when its going to end. Then have fun!
Anna October 14, 2011, 3:38 pm
I totally understand. I would advise against cohabitation before marriage, and my current bf is the reason why. I thought I had it all figured out when I was 20 (doesn’t everyone think that?). We had been dating for around a year and both lived with our parents. We both really wanted to get out into our own place and figured it would make it more doable financially if we just moved in together since the relationship was progressing well. Fast forward 8 yrs to now…I’ve graduated college and moved on into the boring adult world but I still have just a boyfriend when I really want a fiance and then a husband and a couple kids. Because I play the whole “wife” role, he has no motivation or desire to get married now. It’s come to the point where I had to issue an ultimatum, which is still in serious limbo. I should have never moved in with him until after there was a ring on my finger. I made it too easy to take advantage of me without fully committing. I will never do this again. If we break up and I ever even consider dating a man again, he will put a ring on it before I play housewife for him.
HmC October 14, 2011, 3:43 pm
Yep, knowing I want to get married is one huge factor in my personal decision to wait.
bethany October 14, 2011, 4:11 pm
I told my husband before we moved in together that I was looking to get engaged within 2 years, and if he wasn’t on the same page, then I wasn’t going to move in with him. I wanted to make sure we both wanted the same thing. He proposed 10 months later!
6napkinburger October 14, 2011, 4:16 pm
See, that didn’t factor in for me. But I had a guy who was very eagerly looking forward to being married, so I should probably remember that for “next time.”
I haven’t decided about the ring before or after yet. One the one hand, if I don’t KNOW I want to marry the guy, I shouldn’t move in because I know how hard it is to break up once you’re settled and inertia is a bitch. But on the other, you (from now on, if you will be offended that I am overgeneralizing, just read you= me) kind of need to see what a guy is like living with him, before you marry him. And breaking an engagement is even THAT much harder than breaking up with a live-in.
So I’m torn. I decided to leave it as “rule-less” until it comes up again.
Heather October 14, 2011, 3:22 pm
I’d agree with NapkinBurger- don’t live together unless this is the next step to getting hitched. Don’t do it for convenience or anything like that, do it because you want to be together forever. My SO and I recently moved in together after a few years of dating- my parents also took HUGE issue with it. But we decided that we had to do what we wanted to do. We were honest about it with my parents; while they probably won’t be HAPPY happy until we’re married, they were appreciative that we didn’t sneak around behind their backs and lie. We still see them all the time, and it gets less awkward every time. As long as you’re financially independent and won’t be disowned, I’d say do it, IF you’re doing it for the right reasons.
CatsMeow October 15, 2011, 10:35 am
An exit plan should be in place before the move happens. In the event of a breakup: Who stays, who goes? Who gets to keep what? If you already have separate things, keep stuff in storage. That type of thing. Make sure at least one of you can afford the place alone.
Even then, it’s still exponentially more difficult to break up while living together.
GingerLaine October 14, 2011, 3:20 pm
You know, my parents were the same way – and I was really afraid of telling them that I had every intention to move in with my then BF, now DH. 🙂 So I didn’t.
When they made plans to visit (I live in a different city than they do), I kept mum and let them find out during the tour.
I thought about telling them before I’d already moved in, but my parents don’t know how to talk – they only deal in yelling and passive-aggressiveness. But I was grown & very independent at that point. Grown people don’t have to run every decision they make by their parents, and parents need to understand that they may disagree with choices their grown children make, but those are choices the parents probably never had to make (both of my parents & almost all of their friends lived with their parents up until they were married – that was just standard practice for the time), and choices their children NEED to make in a changing society and economy. After all, it seems pretty stupid to be pinching pennies on grocery & clothing items but wasting rent on an apartment that’s only used as a place to (occasionally) lay your head & hold your belongings.
Anyway. When my parents visited, they didn’t say a word about the combined living situation. It came up in conversation months later, but they said that it had already been done, and there was nothing they could but accept it. Today, I’ve been with that guy for just over 9 years, married for just over 2. I made a great choice. If you think it’s right for you, it probably is. Take the plunge. Everybody’s parents will still love them, even if you heathens are shamefully living in sin. 😉
JK October 14, 2011, 3:23 pm
Before I got married, I never knew which term to use to refer to my husband (concubine, partner, etc, none sounded right). Finally I just started calling him my co-sinner. 😀
GingerLaine October 14, 2011, 3:29 pm
I love it! You know, I had forgotten how awkward it always seemed to call him my “boyfriend” when we were basically married in all but name. Co-sinner! Damn. Now I’m kinda bummed I never got to call him that… 😉
Eagle Eye October 14, 2011, 5:38 pm
Hah, my parents – who are really totally on board with my bf and I living together since they did the same thing before they got married – call his parents the “sin-in-laws”
Morgan October 15, 2011, 12:49 pm
I think I’d like your parents.
Eagle Eye October 15, 2011, 12:57 pm
hah, yeah, they’re kind of a riot… 🙂
6napkinburger October 14, 2011, 6:14 pm
It’s funny, before I was in a super serious relationship, when I heard “boyfriend”, I thought “person they are dating.” During, whenever I heard “boyfriend”, I assumed “future husband and father of your unborn babies.”
Now? This moment I think “person you will eventually split with and it will stink.”
It almost doesn’t matter how you mean it; they’ll hear it the way they’ll hear it.
GatorGirl October 14, 2011, 7:29 pm
Co-sinner, that is great! Boyfriend really doesn’t seem like the right word for someone you’re actively sharing you life and planning a future with… But there isn’t really another option. If we move in together before marriage…I will def start calling him my co-sinner 😉
HmC October 14, 2011, 3:34 pm
“After all, it seems pretty stupid to be pinching pennies on grocery & clothing items but wasting rent on an apartment that’s only used as a place to (occasionally) lay your head & hold your belongings.”
I’m personally against co-habitation prior to marriage for myself, and I don’t think it’s “stupid” nor a waste of rent money to live apart even if you’re not home much. For me, there is a huge value and huge difference in having my own place. It is a very significant difference, to me. Living together for economic reasons would be, for me, a huge mistake.
I don’t judge other people for social decisions like this that don’t really affect other people. And I accept that non-marital co-habitation has become the norm, and works for many couples. None of my business. I wish those on the other side of the issue would more frequently extend me the same courtesy and not dismiss my position as “stupid” so offhandedly.
splashes October 14, 2011, 3:38 pm
I accept your position, because I happen to completely agree!
GingerLaine October 14, 2011, 4:01 pm
I didn’t mean to offend or to be judgmental with that statement. I guess the point was that if you’re pinching pennies on small things that are necessities, but spending a large amount of money on something that you’re not really using, that’s not very economically sound, regardless of the reason you aren’t using the place.
But it doesn’t sound like you’re not really using your place, and that it’s more of a safe haven & your own space than just a place to sleep & keep your stuff. That’s fine, and obviously does not compare to the situation I’m discussing. Cohabitation is not for everyone, and I don’t outright judgmentally categorize people who choose not to do so as stupid.
P.S. When someone isn’t specifically addressing you, perhaps you ought to consider that they are not “dismissing YOUR position as ‘stupid’ so offhandedly.” There was no reason for you to have taken my random statement in an anecdote so personally that you felt you had to call me out on it, rather than accept that I’m not talking to you or about your situation and move on.
HmC October 14, 2011, 4:14 pm
“Stupid” was your word choice, not mine, and you did use it offhandedly to refer to an opinion I happen to hold. I know tone doesn’t translate well on the interwebs, but I wasn’t trying to “call you out” nor was I super offended or taking it personally. Now I’m taking it personally though, because you’re telling me to “move on”. You expressed an opinion and I expressed a disagreement, which I’m perfectly free to do if I want.
And to be honest, some of my previous comment to you wasn’t all about you. You aren’t the first person to disagree with me on this issue and I accept and understand that. I was trying to express my dislike for those that express the other side in a flippant manner. If that’s not what you meant to do, then fine. Maybe you should take your own advice, accept that it’s not about you, and move on yourself.
GingerLaine October 14, 2011, 4:26 pm
You’re right about this HmC: tone does not translate well on the internet, and obviously we have both read each other’s comments in a way that perhaps the other did not intend or accommodate for. Sorry if my statement came across as disparaging your opinion – that is NOT how it was intended. Let’s leave it at that & understand that we both respect each other’s opinions, neither of us wants to judge the other for those opinions, and BOTH move along. S’alright? 🙂
HmC October 14, 2011, 4:27 pm
GingerLaine October 14, 2011, 4:42 pm
Yay! Thanks for the laugh & for being mutually understanding, HmC! Good talk! Haha!
GatorGirl October 14, 2011, 3:55 pm
Everything everyone has said is all folded into what we’re dealing with. We’ve been dating for 4 years, both 26 and we’ve discussed getting engaged and married, the saving has begun for both. We’re not taking this decision lightly at all- while the financial aspect is a large factor, a huge portion is about setting up a life together. We would already be engaged but he is a poor Phd student 🙁 His parents are 100% against living together before marraige and mine are 100% FOR it…so we’re kind of stuck. We don’t want to hide anything from his family or do anything behind their back, that would be even worse than doing something they don’t approve of. Ugh.
It’s an added stress that his baby sister is getting married in May and I don’t want to be the bride’s-brother’s-girlfriend! Crazy girl moment.
GingerLaine October 14, 2011, 4:12 pm
Good luck? Hahaha! It sounds like there are so many feelings & circumstances to consider, so I understand how you might feel stuck & that any decision you make will be the wrong one. Keep us posted though! I hope you find some resolution that really works for you & your poor PhD. 🙂
bethany October 14, 2011, 4:16 pm
I don’t know if it will help you at all, but I told my parents my plans to move in with my (now) husband 8 months before it actually happened. I told them that he and I had been discussing it, and we were planning on moving in together at some point in the next 6months to a year. I think it showed them that we had really given it and our future together thought and weren’t just jumping into it. It also didn’t hurt that they LOVE him!
6napkinburger October 14, 2011, 4:27 pm
There were two parts of that I didn’t entirely understand.
Is the reason you aren’t engaged due to him being a poor student because of the ring? Or is it because you don’t believe in long engagements? If its the ring and only the ring… makeshift! Maybe theirs an heirloom you can wear until “yours” is possible, or CZ or any number of things!
Also, do you want to be a “fiancee” by his sister’s wedding? Is that what you mean? I’m confused how that part plays in, totally getting the girl moment (my younger bro is getting engaged soon, so i REALLY get it). Is it that you’re scared he won’t propose if you move in, in some cow-milk way? or more offhand than that?
GatorGirl October 14, 2011, 5:01 pm
Sorry, didn’t mean to be confusing! Commenting and being at work don’t always work out! He is ready and wanting to propose…he’s just living pay check to pay check on a grad student salary. I’ve suggested exploring family jewelry but he wasn’t a fan. He really wants the experience and the ring to be perfect because “you only get to be proposed to once”. Which is sweet of him. But I’m ready for it already!
My hang up about his sisters wedding is that I don’t want to be the GF at another family wedding. This will be the fourth. Also we’ve been together twice as long as the other couple…so I sort of feel I’m due. You know? Which is pretty dumb of me and I know it…but I can’t help it!
6napkinburger October 14, 2011, 5:25 pm
That is very sweet of him.
Does he know that upgrading is a very very common thing? Many people upgrade their jewelry as they can afford/want other things. My mom calls a particular ring her “wedding ring”, even though my dad got it for her 25 years into the marriage. She doesn’t call it her “other ring”, its her wedding ring!
I totally get where you are coming from with the other point, but just think about how YOUNG they are, and how you didn’t want to be married at their age but they are, so you’re kind of winning the “good decision” game. I mean the feeling itself isn’t really mature, so we get to feed immature thoughts to quiet it 🙂
Sarah October 14, 2011, 4:45 pm
Ugggg, that sounds awful. For me personally, it would be way too big of a risk to move in with someone after marriage, just because there are things you never really know about your SO until you move in together and its a huge test to a relationship. In a lot of ways, living with my boyfriend has made me love and understand him so much more than I did before, but if we were incompatible in some randomly unforeseen way, then it wouldn’t have worked. Plus if you’re married, you have this whole “we’re supposed to be happy newlyweds so we’re gonna stuff down our issues we have with each other for the sake of making it work” pressure added on. I say hint to his traditional family that marriage is probably in the future when you move in that way they’ll be off your backs a little bit.
Red_Lady October 15, 2011, 12:15 pm
Gator Girl – how bitchy are his parents? Do they tend to make drama out of everything, or are the more rational, easy-going folks? I ask this because my parents were also very against me moving in with my boyfriend. When I moved to be closer to my boyfriend, one of the first things they said was something along the lines of “you better not be living together”. Over the course of 4 years they’ve made it very obvious that they do NOT approve of living together before marriage.
However, after we got engaged last summer, and my rent skyrocketed, and I got fed up with packing an overnight bag all the time, we decided to move in together. My parents we’re super thrilled, but they understood that we are adults and can make our own decisions. They even helped me move. My mom threw in one last “are you sure you want to do this?” before we started packing, but I calmly explained my reasons, and it simply hasn’t been an issue.
So I guess what I’m saying is, if you can’t see his parents being vindictive and disowning their son, just be honest with them, and trust that they are rational adults, who realize that their son is also a rational adult. You can’t expect your children to do everything you want them to do, but you can trust that you raised them well enough to get through anything – even if it’s something you don’t entirely agree with.
Flake October 14, 2011, 2:30 pm
Hey Wendy, I have a suggestion about the purple thumb issue… How about if the number of purple thumbs is only visible to you, and the commenters see the number of likes minus the dislikes, accompanied by “well-loved” or “hot debate” thing. That way we will easily see the controversial comments and nobody’s feelings will be hurt because they want see the actual purple thumbs. Because to me, there’s a difference between just feeling indifferent about a comment or actually disliking it.
Shadowflash1522 October 14, 2011, 2:37 pm
Agreed. Witholding my like is not the same as disliking.
Flake October 14, 2011, 2:38 pm
“because the WON’T see the actual purple thumbs” Sorry for the typo…
Flake October 14, 2011, 2:47 pm
“because THEY won’t see…” holly cow.. Thank God it’s Friday…
cdubs October 14, 2011, 3:14 pm
holy cow. hehe sorry I couldn’t resist 🙂
Flake October 14, 2011, 3:21 pm
This may never end 🙂
cdubs October 15, 2011, 5:49 pm
And it goes on and on my friend!…
HmC October 14, 2011, 2:41 pm
Good ideas, I like them, but I wonder if that’s all even possible…
Wendy October 14, 2011, 2:46 pm
I tried so many plug-ins to do a version of what you’re suggesting and I ended crashing my site because of it. Like, literally, the site was shut down for a few hours last week. And right now, I just don’t have the time and energy to deal with it anymore. I hear what you’re saying — I don’t want you to think I’m ignoring you — but right now the whole purple thumb issue and ranking comments and marking them as controversial or whatever is at the bottom of my priority list. I hope to get to it eventually, but I have to be honest that it will probably be a little while. I have my hands super full at the moment…
Flake October 14, 2011, 2:51 pm
That’s ok… 🙂 Take care of your family 🙂 I am pretty sure we’ll still be here with or without the purple thumbs
splashes October 14, 2011, 3:39 pm
Can’t imagine what you’re so busy with 😉
silver_dragon_girl October 14, 2011, 2:31 pm
Amen on #8! 😀
AKchic October 14, 2011, 3:00 pm
There’s nothing wrong with a neon beer sign – so long as it’s a good beer. Schlitz is unnacceptable. Guiness is more acceptable.
splashes October 14, 2011, 3:39 pm
AKchic October 14, 2011, 8:44 pm
*gag* That’s just as bad.
SGMcG October 14, 2011, 3:11 pm
I unfortunately know the answer to number 4.
My parents church wedding was a couple of weeks before my date of arrival and their wedding portrait over the alter, with the date, was by their bed nightstand. As a kid, when you crawled into bed with your parents for a story, I always asked if that was me in the belly under the wedding dress and my Mom always answered, “Yes” so that her marriage would be “doubly blessed by Jesus.” Since my parents were trying to give me the Catholic teaching regarding sex and marriage, I asked if that was OK with God, and she would always respond that they had the civil wedding with the intent of going to the church later so it was OK. My parents always celebrated both dates of their anniversary – the one civil wedding in November and the church wedding in June.
I was eight when I counted back the nine months and realized that I was a birthday present to my Mom, before the civil wedding. It freaked me out at first. Yet I guess I learned to accept it – their marriage has been going strong for over 30 years so they’re doing something right.
JK October 14, 2011, 3:21 pm
I got married pregnant as well… my daughters are still too little to worry about things like that, but the oldest (nearly 4) at least is growing into a very liberal little girl, luckily. So I´m sure she won´t have a problem with it. Plus I guess the world is different now than when we were little!
Anna October 14, 2011, 3:41 pm
#8 is my favorite! I haven’t been pregnant yet so that’s many nights for me.
scattol October 14, 2011, 5:55 pm
Sure live with the boyfriend before marriage. It works for loads of people.
In fact if that works well, why do you even need the marriage? You don’t need it to buy a house, a car, have kids or even raise them as upstanding citizens. You need it for the fancy dress and the party?
I am really curious why, in today’s world, is the marriage seen as more important than the actual commitment.
callmehobo October 15, 2011, 7:02 pm
I personally don’t like the “it’s just a piece of paper” argument for marriage. If it’s not a big deal, why not get married? I know that tons of people don’t need a marriage to be happy, but I DO want to get married.
I personally feel like the fact that you gather before your friends and family (and in some religious ceremonies, your god) and promise to be life partners is touching. That’s why I see marriage as the ultimate commitment.
I know that some women get so caught up in the “wedding” aspect, but I don’t think that means that all marriages are farces. I feel like that’s a very cynical way to look at it.
Tudor Princess October 17, 2011, 9:12 am
I think, for me, the reason I use (for the moment) the “it’s just a piece of paper” argument is because it is so easy to get married, yet so incredibly difficult to get a divorce. As soon as you marry you lose the ability to pack your stuff and go if things go wrong. You can’t do that after you get married.Divorce makes it so very difficult. I’ve seen it turn friends into enemies. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in marriage and want to get married to the man I’m living with one day, but I can see why some people prefer to not get married. Also, I don’t believe you have to have a marriage to be committed to someone.