I’m always amused by the different questions people type into their Google browser to end up at my site, so much so that I created a feature in which I address some of those very questions. It’s been a long time since I did one of these, so after the jump, check out what’s been on the minds of inquiring people recently.
1. Do I continue to say “I love you” if he hasn’t?
No. I mean, every once in a while is fine, especially if you’re in the moment and really feeling it. But, like, don’t say it all the time if he’s never once said it or doesn’t say it regularly because that’s just weird and then his not-saying-it becomes this even bigger pink elephant in the room and probably makes him feel pretty awkward, even if it doesn’t apparently make you feel awkward too.
2. Why do I miss college so much?
Because: so many young single people everywhere; parties all the time; no classes on Fridays; living with your best friends; cheap rent; spring break; a month off for the holidays; no idea what “business casual” meant; didn’t have to worry about getting a “real job;” did I mention young single people everywhere?; also the parties!; weekends weren’t filled with friend’s weddings and wedding-planning and weddings, weddings, weddings just yet, that’s still a few years away; PARTIES ALL THE TIME.
3. Can I just put my corset on backwards and spin it?
Yeah, totally. You can do that with your bras, too.
4. Can you get STDs from finding random panties in the road and wearing them?
Ew. At least wash them first.
5. Should I tell my boss I have a crush on him?
Absolutely not. Especially if he (or she) is married.
6. Why is my boyfriend’s dead father contacting me?
Maybe he wants to tell you what tonight’s winning lottery numbers are.
7. Can you have hangover two days?
I’m still hungover from New Year’s Eve. 2009.
8. How do I use the bathroom while flying with baby?
Yeah, this is one of those things none of the baby books or parenting sites ever warn you about — if you are traveling alone with a baby on a plane and have to go to the bathroom, God help you. I once endured an 11-hour flight with a nine-month-old baby, and I learned there are two ways you can go to the bathroom: 1) strap your baby into a carrier, like an Ergo or a Bjorn, and then basically hold your baby on your lap while you go; 2) ask a nice flight attendant to hold the baby for you while you go. Don’t drink too much wine!
9. What change was least expected after your baby was born?
Going to the bathroom on a plane.
10. Why do I always end up being the other woman?
Because you keep sleeping with unavailable men.