I’m always amused by the different questions people type into their Google browser to end up at my site, so much so that I created a feature in which I address some of those very questions. It’s been a long time since I did one of these, so after the jump, check out what’s been on the minds of inquiring people recently.
1. Do I continue to say “I love you” if he hasn’t?
No. I mean, every once in a while is fine, especially if you’re in the moment and really feeling it. But, like, don’t say it all the time if he’s never once said it or doesn’t say it regularly because that’s just weird and then his not-saying-it becomes this even bigger pink elephant in the room and probably makes him feel pretty awkward, even if it doesn’t apparently make you feel awkward too.
2. Why do I miss college so much?
Because: so many young single people everywhere; parties all the time; no classes on Fridays; living with your best friends; cheap rent; spring break; a month off for the holidays; no idea what “business casual” meant; didn’t have to worry about getting a “real job;” did I mention young single people everywhere?; also the parties!; weekends weren’t filled with friend’s weddings and wedding-planning and weddings, weddings, weddings just yet, that’s still a few years away; PARTIES ALL THE TIME.
3. Can I just put my corset on backwards and spin it?
Yeah, totally. You can do that with your bras, too.
4. Can you get STDs from finding random panties in the road and wearing them?
Ew. At least wash them first.
5. Should I tell my boss I have a crush on him?
Absolutely not. Especially if he (or she) is married.
6. Why is my boyfriend’s dead father contacting me?
Maybe he wants to tell you what tonight’s winning lottery numbers are.
7. Can you have hangover two days?
I’m still hungover from New Year’s Eve. 2009.
8. How do I use the bathroom while flying with baby?
Yeah, this is one of those things none of the baby books or parenting sites ever warn you about — if you are traveling alone with a baby on a plane and have to go to the bathroom, God help you. I once endured an 11-hour flight with a nine-month-old baby, and I learned there are two ways you can go to the bathroom: 1) strap your baby into a carrier, like an Ergo or a Bjorn, and then basically hold your baby on your lap while you go; 2) ask a nice flight attendant to hold the baby for you while you go. Don’t drink too much wine!
9. What change was least expected after your baby was born?
Going to the bathroom on a plane.
10. Why do I always end up being the other woman?
Because you keep sleeping with unavailable men.
kerrycontrary February 10, 2014, 1:18 pm
#4 almost had me laughing out loud in my cubicle. Ok, but does anyone ever see random underwear lying around? Because I used to see random thongs ALL the time in college. Like just on the sidewalk or in the bushes. Like what happened?!?
starpattern February 10, 2014, 1:32 pm
Surprisingly, yes. One time my mom and I were shopping, and when we got back out to our car in the parking garage, there was a pair of boxers on the hood. I just don’t even want to know how those got there.
Banana February 10, 2014, 1:51 pm
Maybe that should be rolled up in the “why do I keep missing college” question?
iwannatalktosampson February 10, 2014, 1:20 pm
Haha these are so random. I’m kind of curious about number 1 though – I mean if you feel love, and you’re in a relationship, do you just not say it just because they don’t? I’ve never been in that position but I don’t know, I don’t think it’s that weird? Maybe it is.
lets_be_honest February 10, 2014, 1:21 pm
#8 – You should both be wearing a diaper.
bagge72 February 10, 2014, 1:22 pm
Ahh 10 that age old question of why do I can choosing to sleep with taken people. Can people really not understand that you just have to stop doing that, and you wont be that person.
Amanda February 10, 2014, 1:23 pm
I love these! And, #4, what the hell? Seriously.
GatorGirl February 10, 2014, 1:38 pm
Gah, the idea of flying alone with a baby terrifies me. I’m super OCD about pre flight rituals and I don’t know if I can/will be able to handle it with a baby. And it’s likely I’ll be flying alone sometimes. OMG.
bethany February 10, 2014, 2:25 pm
My best friend just flew alone with her 3 year old and 7 month old! She’s amazing! Lucky for her it was a quick flight- like an hour tops, so I don’t think she had to worry about going to the bathroom, but holy hell, I can’t imagine what she would have done if she had to!
csp February 10, 2014, 3:17 pm
This makes me so happy! This I my favorite feature.
Sarah February 10, 2014, 3:26 pm
So FYI to #8… FA’s aren’t supposed to hold your baby or look after your kids while you go to the bathroom. I used to be one and one of my coworkers got in trouble for doing so! She was just being nice and thought she was doing the right thing.
lets_be_honest February 10, 2014, 3:31 pm
That’s pretty dumb, but I guess makes sense in our litigious society.
katie February 10, 2014, 3:34 pm
yea, it is ridiculous, but i get why too. thats major liability for the airline…
our world sucks. a mom cant even give someone her kid while she pees? ugh. why does anyone want to live here???
GatorGirl February 10, 2014, 3:50 pm
The last time I flew, there was a mom flying solo with an 8 month old in the seat. I def offered to watch the baby so she could go to the bathroom, but she declined. I felt oddly bad that she was alone? Not like in a pity way, just like a “gah you must be having a chaotic day” way.
Dear Wendy February 10, 2014, 3:35 pm
That may be true for some airlines, but it’s been my personal experience that FAs will watch a kid for the few minutes it takes a solo parent to use the bathroom. Also, this article, published last year, says that asking FAs to watch your baby is one of the few things you can still ask for on a flight.
Sarah February 10, 2014, 4:48 pm
You are right, it probably does depend on the airline!
MMcG February 10, 2014, 8:10 pm
Just want to second that Wendy… most FAs would love to be helpful in those situations. Happier relaxed parent = happier relaxed child = happier relaxed passengers all around. They will usually go out of their way to bring you an extra snack, blanket, little something to keep the kiddo occupied… especially if it is a longer haul/international flight. The shorty commuter flights where there is little/no service tend to have the most inexperienced FAs and just not enough time or room for moving about the cabin, heck some of them barely have a bathroom, so maybe that’s the issue on the puddle-jumpers or certain regional airlines. Plus almost all airlines also have a program for children of a certain age flying alone, so it isn’t like it is something completely foreign to a FA (I know an infant isn’t the same as a 10 year old, but being trusted with someone’s kid is definitely not outside the boundaries of the job).
Sadly they can’t take the little one into the cockpit like they used to because that was way cool 😉
KKZ February 11, 2014, 8:32 am
I got to do that as a kid during a cross-Atlantic flight to Switzerland – wish I remembered it better to share with future generations who will never get that chance!
bethany February 11, 2014, 8:49 am
I got to go into the cockpit a few years ago!! And I was like 30. It was awesome! I got to wear the pilot hat and touch the steering thingy!
Addie Pray February 10, 2014, 3:40 pm
There, I just did some awesome Google searches that happened to take me to Dear Wendy… I hope they make the list next time.
KMJ February 10, 2014, 4:38 pm
Love this Google Questions feature! So fun and funny.
Addie Pray February 10, 2014, 4:40 pm
Wendy, I have a bone to pick to you. Why is everyone ignoring me today? Why is my 5th star only part-yellow? Why why why?
rachel February 10, 2014, 4:43 pm
I think the thumbs determine the stars – so if you have all thumbs up it’ll be 5 stars? That’s my guess. That thumbs down ^^ won’t help your cause.
bethany February 10, 2014, 4:44 pm
rachel February 10, 2014, 4:51 pm
Haha, I didn’t give her a thumbs down. That would have been funnier if I had.
bethany February 10, 2014, 4:52 pm
I just gave her one, just to be a jerk 🙂
SORRY AP!!! But I’m not really sorry.
Addie Pray February 10, 2014, 4:57 pm
lets_be_honest February 10, 2014, 4:51 pm
I think the stars are the average of all your thumbs, on all letters.
Addie Pray February 10, 2014, 5:01 pm
Is today over with? It’s been a really sad day for me on DW.
LlamaPajamas February 10, 2014, 5:43 pm
Don’t be sad, little anonymous internet buddy! Here’s an early DW Valentine’s Day haiku for you:
Addie Pray’s the best!
Commenting on everything
getting all the stars.
(I love haikus almost as much as I love llamas and alpacas. You just can’t hug a haiku, you know?)
iseeshiny February 10, 2014, 5:55 pm
Addie Pray February 10, 2014, 6:47 pm
That was so beautimous!
Wendy's Sister February 10, 2014, 5:03 pm
I heart you, Addie Pray.
Addie Pray February 10, 2014, 6:46 pm
Today is now allllll better. I heart you right back, WS!
Addie Pray February 10, 2014, 8:39 pm
Wow all the downward thumbs. Ok, you downward thumbers have made your point! I’m never DW’ing again (slash not for 30 minutes).
MMcG February 10, 2014, 9:05 pm
You gotta play a little hard to get AP!!
sisisodapop February 10, 2014, 5:15 pm
Oooooh #8 – hadn’t thought of that. I’m flying solo with my 1 year old and 3 year old for the first time. We leave on Wednesday. Wendy…if you see this, can you provide any other traveling tips for parents flying solo with babies/toddlers??? Thanks in advance….
lets_be_honest February 10, 2014, 5:24 pm
Get adult diapers!
MMcG February 10, 2014, 8:38 pm
I can help I hope!! And in some ways it’s really similar to taking the kids on a long car trip so if there are any tricks that work in the car to keep them settled and happy bust them out on the plane to the extent that you can.
All advice based on the assumption that the toddler will have their own seat and the baby will be on your lap…
-to the extent the 3 yr old will get it, explain what is happening in advance, why good manners and inside voice are critical, etc. and if possible tonight or tomorrow practice sitting in a seat with a “seatbelt” on for at least 20-30 mins. Make a game of it, don’t put them in the highchair that they usually use or something that you strap them into at home that they don’t like. the first time they HAVE to sit still for takeoff or landing should not be on the plane while you are dealing with the baby.
-make sure you have extra supplies of diapers, wipes, etc. and that they have something to eat that is familiar and comforting, a blanket or other item that they can curl up with that has familiar smells, and toys/entertainment/activities (somewhere between absolutely nothing and every toy your child owns, depends on the flightime, also be mindful of loud toys which are more likely to annoy other passengers, whereas a DVD with a movie or 2 (at a low volume) that they picked out themselves can go a long way).
-the worst part for any youngster (esp. if they have never flown before) is when their ears pop at takeoff and landing so make sure that they have something to suck on or chew that is age appropriate (even if they never use a pacifier, good to have just in case… some kids don’t seem to notice and some act like they are being stabbed in the head, poor things)
-don’t let the 3 year old run around the cabin unattended, esp. during in-flight service. this will make the flight crew and your fellow passengers HATE you… whereas taking them for a walk while you stretch your legs is totally fine (and really everyone should get up and walk around to stretch on any flights longer than 2-3 hours anyway) and feel free to inquire of the FA if it is a long flight/big plane if there is a good time to hang out in the galley area so the toddler doesn’t get too ansy in the seat (maybe have the 1 year old in a Bjorn or similar at the time) or if they have any other suggestions to help.
-Introduce yourself and your kids when you board… and make friends with your FAs and they will be your best friend on the plane (may also be more happy holding the baby while you go to the bathroom versus wrestling with the toddler, so if you can lock the 3 year old in the bathroom with you while you are going, go for it!).
-arrive early at the airport, and depending on your kid’s energy level and love of views try to get a window or an aisle (personally I think the window is the better option to hem them in, but that can backfire in some circumstances)
-gatecheck the strollers/carseats and allow extra time for boarding and deplaning.
-if it’s a really long flight or you are really worried about the kid’s behavior go for the preventative measures of introducing yourself to the folks in your row, across the aisle, and one row in front and behind and explain that this is their first flight, hopefully they won’t be too much of a bother, etc. An ounce of prevention and just general awareness can go a long way if the kid does start having a rough time. Along the same note… DO NOT LET THE TODDLER KICK THE SEAT IN FRONT OF THEM. That also leads to hatred. If you want to go above and beyond you can be the parent that packs up a little goody/ziploc bag for those passengers around you with a cute note and earplugs, mini candy, travel tylenol, etc. I’ve read about people doing this (there are stories and pics online) and while I don’t think it is necessary, if you are going from never flying before to a 15 hour flight to Guam… well… ounce of prevention
Good luck!! Try not to get too nervous, as the kids will pick up on it, and hopefully everything will go smoothly.
GatorGirl February 11, 2014, 8:53 am
Good luck! As a non parent, the best thing parents have done is just apologize if their kid is being a jerk. And give the kid food. That seems to work very well to keep them calm!
Lindsay February 10, 2014, 6:26 pm
Haha, I loved No. 6. I also want to know.
Side note, and I’m sorry if anyone does this, but it drives me bonkers when people use “baby” without any pronouns. Like “flying with baby.” I guess I don’t see why a baby is so different from any other person or thing to where you wouldn’t say “a baby” or “your baby” or whatever.
Addie Pray February 10, 2014, 7:05 pm
Alright, i had the same thought back in the day but have done a 180. Now there’s something charming and pleasantly old school and antiquitee (I don’t know of that’s a word but it is in French and I know I’m still using it wrong in French – here I use it in a nice way, old fashion, lovely I dunno) about it. I like it now. But of course death to users of “hubby” haha.
Lily in NYC February 11, 2014, 11:15 am
I agree in normal speaking, but not when it’s a google search. My google searches look like they are written by Tarzan.
And yes, you can be hung over for two days! It just happened to me for the first time in my life because I don’t drink that often any more. At least I didn’t wake up wearing underwear I found on the road.
Nookie February 11, 2014, 5:10 am
The advert at the top of this page is for British Airways!?
KKZ February 11, 2014, 9:11 am
Oh MAN do I miss college. But I am a nerd, so what I miss is not the parties and the single people, but the immense variety of educational opportunities. I miss debating literary theory and ethics. I miss the hits of validation when I did well on a paper or exam. I miss writing papers in which I can explore a topic in depth and make an argument using my words – sometimes when I’m bored, I go through all my old computer files from college and read the papers I wrote, and see what I think of them today. I miss getting a new schedule and new subjects to study with new classmates every few months. I miss my teachers – I was lucky to have some really awesome professors and mentors in college.
Compared to that environment of constant intellectual and social stimulation, the real world just seems so dull and repetitive at times. Same schedule, same places, same faces, same duties & responsibilities, day in and day out. It’s a large part of why I want to go into business on my own as a writing teacher & coach, so I can have the variety I crave, choose which subjects to teach, meet other teachers, meet new students and clients, go all around the city (the country! the world!) with new offerings… I mean, that is like the DREAM. At least it is if you’re a nerd like me. 🙂